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smilingpretty, marcy, tami, carizona.....to all my cyber sisters.....I also wish we could get together in real life and have our own Christmas celebration, encouraging each other and just being there for each other.
You all have become my other family and I am truly grateful for your love and support. I wish you all peace and comfort, not only at Christmastime, but each and every day of the year.
I am hoping that at some point in all our lives, we can overcome the "numbness" and start to feel like we are on the road to recovery. It may take some time, it may never happen. I choose to believe that there is hope for ALL of us some day.
A big part of my recovery has been sharing with all of you. Just knowing you are there for ME is such a comfort. I hope you all know I am here for YOU as well. This will be an ongoing process and I love how our friendships are becoming stronger and stronger....at least for me.
I am wishing you all a safe, happy and healthy New Year. Remember....one day at a time.
This thread caught my eye because the word "numbness" perfectly describes my own feelings after my wife died in 07. I still think about those last days of her life even though I'm now re-married and happy. The depth of grief is a hard thing to describe to someone, I remember those first days by myself, wandering around the small town we'd just moved to, trying to hold back the tears while being in restaurants, bars, stores, walking in the park, and finally at the Doctors trying to get something to allow some peaceful sleep. Gradually the reality of aloneness was upon me, days, months, and years of living in a fog of routine numbness left me feeling totally depleted, without hope.
Time does help move the mind along, I met a very caring woman who had lost her husband six years prior to our meeting, she knew the road I'd walked and helped me see the future as something to look to with a positive eye, life is not a thing to waste, time allows that realization, as only time can. Go about your life knowing that we all have our date with destiny, some have made that date, and we are left behind to ponder the loss. Keep moving forward, it's the only direction that allows for the positive to happen.......
I came here looking for someone to here for ME. I got it but I quickly realized I was happier being here for YOU(all). I think that's a BIG part of our healing. Being needed by someone else to take our minds off of our own grief. Ya think? I am truly amazed at how far my "recovery" has been. I was a shell of a woman a few months ago, cried all the time, could not sleep, had no desire to see the next sunrise. Now I'm pretty okay. I love waking up in the morning. (or whatever time. ) I am grateful that I have another day. I am grateful that I don't have that 10K lb on my heart anymore. When my time comes I will die a happier woman and not the blubbering shell I used to be. My heart is numb to a point but it does not physically hurt anymore.
This thread caught my eye because the word "numbness" perfectly describes my own feelings after my wife died in 07. I still think about those last days of her life even though I'm now re-married and happy. The depth of grief is a hard thing to describe to someone, I remember those first days by myself, wandering around the small town we'd just moved to, trying to hold back the tears while being in restaurants, bars, stores, walking in the park, and finally at the Doctors trying to get something to allow some peaceful sleep. Gradually the reality of aloneness was upon me, days, months, and years of living in a fog of routine numbness left me feeling totally depleted, without hope.
Time does help move the mind along, I met a very caring woman who had lost her husband six years prior to our meeting, she knew the road I'd walked and helped me see the future as something to look to with a positive eye, life is not a thing to waste, time allows that realization, as only time can. Go about your life knowing that we all have our date with destiny, some have made that date, and we are left behind to ponder the loss. Keep moving forward, it's the only direction that allows for the positive to happen.......
What a wonderful, uplifting post, jerth. Thank you and I'm sorry for the lose of your 1st wife. Congrats on your new life. God Bless.
Thank you all for sharing and Jerth, I am happy that you were able to move on and meet someone special and are now married.
I find myself in the pathetic stages, anyone who I talk to I tell them I am a widow and if the person is caring enough he/she will ask questions and then I cry. I miss my husband so much and I wonder if I will ever get over the loss. I watch people laughing and having a good time and I am a outsider looking in, and I wonder what it would be like to have friends and laugh and have a good time. I just am not there yet, I wallow in self pity. I don't feel whole and complete, a empy shell. I force myself to attend functions and it is hard and exhausting to meet new people.
Thank you all for sharing and Jerth, I am happy that you were able to move on and meet someone special and are now married.
I find myself in the pathetic stages, anyone who I talk to I tell them I am a widow and if the person is caring enough he/she will ask questions and then I cry. I miss my husband so much and I wonder if I will ever get over the loss. I watch people laughing and having a good time and I am a outsider looking in, and I wonder what it would be like to have friends and laugh and have a good time. I just am not there yet, I wallow in self pity. I don't feel whole and complete, a empy shell. I force myself to attend functions and it is hard and exhausting to meet new people.
You'll get there, hon. You will. (((HUGS))) Remember also, it's a lot easier for a man to remarry than it is for a widow. That's just a fact of life. A rotten fact. Just like when we were younger.
smilinpretty..I actually use the term "pathetic" to describe myself and my life at times. So I can relate to what you wrote...I'm the only widow in my current group of friends and this definitely makes me feel weird at times and sets me apart from everyone else...Well my friend's sister was a widow for a short time but she remarried pretty fast...Sometimes I feel like I am on some type of "charity list" or ?? It's weird and not the way people use to relate to me when my husband was alive..Some of it even seems a bit sexist to me...I'm viewed as a "stupid child" (at times) because I don't have a husband or man in my life anymore...Everyone "means well" but I definitely notice changes in the way I'm viewed and treated today...This is probably why I stay by myself so much...I don't feel up to doing any groups right now...I have one local friend who has been through all kinds of problems. (In the past and even today.) She can be a bit "shut-down" at times (and non-talkative) but she never treats me like a "charity case" or "stupid nothing" so I feel okay about spending time with her once in awhile...I don't feel "pathetic" when I'm around her compared to how I feel at times when I'm with other people...She's married but her husband almost died a few years back and she's had a lot of deaths and losses and "set-backs" in her life so she has more empathy for others.
I'm not totally "numb" all the time. But I feel like I have to "play soldier" at times to get through each day. And to get through the holiday season this year..I don't expect to remain "numb" forever. (I hope not!) But it just doesn't seem smart (or wise) to open-up all of my "floodgates" right now. (All at the same time.) How do you feel about it?...It seems best to deal with my feelings in spurts right now. (So I don't become overwhelmed or incapacitated etc.)...I don't feel totally "shut-down" but I do have a sense of holding myself back at times just so I can make-it through each day without becoming a "basket case!"..Do you think there are degrees of "numbness?" Do you have another (or better way) of describing this sense of wanting and needing to stay strong? (In order to function.)..I let myself cry at times and make it okay. But I just can't afford to have a total "breakdown" right now...Thanks for listening and sharing.
I haven't been in the Grief group for awhile. I've been so very numb. Too many people have passed on, some friends, some relatives. And hearing of friends having strokes, or whatever. I've been avoiding coming onto these threads here because I'm afraid I'll crack.
There are days I wake up in happiness, glad for the opportunity to wake up. Most of the time, though, I numb myself just to get by.
Yes, I do think there are degress of numbness. Not knowing what to do, staring off into space, staring out the window, thoughts wandering, memories coming in and out.
Also, avoiding the very place I need to be --- here --- for comfort.
I haven't been in the Grief group for awhile. I've been so very numb. Too many people have passed on, some friends, some relatives. And hearing of friends having strokes, or whatever. I've been avoiding coming onto these threads here because I'm afraid I'll crack.
There are days I wake up in happiness, glad for the opportunity to wake up. Most of the time, though, I numb myself just to get by.
Yes, I do think there are degress of numbness. Not knowing what to do, staring off into space, staring out the window, thoughts wandering, memories coming in and out.
Also, avoiding the very place I need to be --- here --- for comfort.
I'll be back later.
Good seeing you, taulery. I've missed you in our conversations. If you crack, this is a good place to do it. I cracked once or twice in here in the begining. I got to vent it all out and go on from there. This place seems to have amazing healing properties. I think it's the friendships that have blossomed in our grief. I know, no matter what, I'll always remember this group of people and the kindness and understading that was shown to me.
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) I am grateful that I have another day. I am grateful that I don't have that 10K lb on my heart anymore. When my time comes I will die a happier woman and not the blubbering shell I used to be. My heart is numb to a point but it does not physically hurt anymore. 
