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So sorry to hear about your brother-in-law Jerry. I think that death, pain loss does test/stresses anyone's faith. After all, we are human. It is normal.
Last night was terrible--woke up every hour and just could not sleep. To much on my mind I guess. I hope to totally wear myself out today somehow so I will sleep tonight. I think it was quite humid too so that made it worse. When I did fall asleep I had nightmares. Just a bad night!
I went into work yesterday and the manager had changed the work schedule. I didn't have to work yesterday but do go on Thursday. Little concerned because we get in a huge truckload of supplies on Thursday and will have to really watch not to hurt my arm. Wish I had been informed about the change of the work schedule but I now know to check the schedule on Sunday. Learn something new all the time. Probably working on Thursday will be a good thing since that is my DH's 1 year anniversary and I will be kept busy.
Sorry about the sleep problems, I've had troubling dreams for years but seem to get enough rest to function. Last night was among the worst.. now fading from my memory. I think dreaming is associated with rest, the time at or surrounding the most restful times.
Go easy at work, while you need the activity and money, injury will prevent both. I did some work at Woolworth (remember?) when in high school and that included incoming inventory. There were big boxes to lift, me, and a lot of content checking and marking (before today's electronic marking) which was handled in part by an older woman, name now forgotten.
Take care, weather is improving in NJ, even rain likely in the coming 24.
Trying very hard to stay busy listing on ebay. I did have a couple of small sales so that is always welcome. Very stressed today...think after I finish listing I will take a ride to the lake and do some walking!
I commented to my DH that I seem to be dreaming a lot more than I am usually aware of. My dreams havent been particularly good or bad.....reworking old work related issues.....problem solving and human resource issues. I seem to actively dream the last hour or so before I wake up for the day.
Last night my nightmares were I just could not finish anything I started. A dinner with friends and I didn't make enough food--weird dreams. Just left me feeling badly...
I have called a couple of friends today and am determined to make this a good day. That is a huge task considering the situation but if I don't do it no one else can do it for me!
I call my dreaming, usually more than one per night, "trouble mares" they do not rise to the level of nightmares. Most of my also involved complexities from my working years, mistakes and getting lost in my frequent travel on business..none of this didn't happen, but I pay for it now.
Nighttime congestion is my other problem in getting good rest. That and needing the bath room. I'm an old guy so an enlarged prostrate goes with the living so long, but I don't have a similar problem during th day... I can have two cups of coffee, milk and water to wash down all my pills and not need a bathroom before 3 PM. I have a prescription steroid nasal spray, doesn't work as well as Afrin (including store brand knockoffs) but one can't take that every night. Some problems with mild obstructive sleep apnea but not much if I keep my weight below 230 pounds, hey I'm a big guy, was 6' 6" before my unusual height started moving to my waist line ; (
Just having some fun here with a not so fun subject.. I read it is good to "laugh at oneself".
Looking for significant rain here in NJ, we need it.
We all need to laugh even if it is at our self. Sounds to me like you are doing pretty well Jerry even though I know inside the pain is very real. It's good to try to keep that positive flow going! I need to work on that now....I just think my problem is the timing here. Things will improve soon.......
I am posting a quote from the Buddhist priest....Thich Nhat Han, that addresses the impermanence of the body but the everlasting nature of the being. I know that this is not the traditional Christian viewpoint....but I also see a lot of similarity to the Easter message.
"I asked the leaf whether it was frightened because it was autumn and the other leaves were falling.
The leaf told me, “No.During the whole spring and summer I was completely alive. I worked hard to help nourish the tree, and now much of me is in the tree. I am not limited by this form. I am also the whole tree, and when I go back to the soil, I will continue nourish the tree. So I don’t worry at all. As I leave this branch and float to the ground, I will wave to the tree and tell her, ‘I will see you again very soon."
That day there was a wind blowing and, after a while, I saw the leaf leave the branch and float down to the soil, dancing joyfully, because as it floated it saw itself already there in the tree. It was so happy. I bowed my head, knowing that I have a lot to learn from the leaf."
" ... So please continue to look back and you will see that you have always been here. Let us look together and penetrate into the life of a leaf, so we may be one with the leaf. Let us penetrate and be one with the cloud or with the wave, to realize our own nature as water and be free from our fear. If we look very deeply, we will transcend birth and death.
Tomorrow, I will continue to be. But you will have to be very attentive to see me. I will be a flower, or a leaf. I will be in these forms and I will say hello to you. If you are attentive enough, you will recognize me, and you may greet me. I will be very happy."
~ Thích Nhất Hạnh
From “Awakening of the Heart: Essential Buddhist Sutras and Commentaries,” by Thich Nhat Hanh, http://goo.gl/kfSVvA
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