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Jerry, I can only hope your children are caught up in the holiday frenzy and are not thinking right. But your story is not uncommon--as gentlearts posted. Our kids have their own lives....to a point. Please don't let this get you to down--you are not alone. We may not be next door but we are here and we do care. I have depended on this thread to pull me through some pretty bad situations similar to what you are feeling and everyone here has always been here for me as we will be here for you! And those lovely pooches so depend on you for your company and walks. They love you more then any person could. The holidays are the worst Jerry--this is where we really practice that "one day at a time". Hope today is wonderful for you and everyone!
I had to work until nearly 7pm last night because our delivery truck didn't even get to our store until 3pm. I was suppose to get off at 3pm. I came home fed my animals and died. I am so sore today. I saw 3 large deer eating near the side of the road on my drive home....I really drove slow coming home. Now I work Saturday night too until 9-10pm.
Thanks, got a note back from my son, the MD who has no childeren, asking what I want for Christmas and saying come out to CA, we'll find some time. He has no children, some sadness there too for me... and I'm sure was for his mother who never had said so, never criticized either of out children - suppose that was key in her two-way bonding with them.
Disappointed my daughter didn't say she'd spend a day with me - maybe doing some photography work, she has sold work and also taught some classes on photography. She knows I have a long time interest in the subject an did some B&W darkroom work at home up through the time she was in college. Her grown children don't take much of her time now.
Some good, yet sad, news on my visit to the shelter yesterday.
I learned yesterday that one of the dogs I walk at the shelter was adopted or fostered, staff didn't know which. She is a very sweet Chihuahua mix, at 8 pounds a bit smaller than my Jasper and appeared to still be house trained. I wondered why she hadn't been adopted, she has a lot to offer a person interested in a small dog. Make me happy, yet sad not to see her anymore.
Yes, that's the logical reason I walk dogs, to help keep them social and easier to adopt... guess I just bond too quickly. Lola was as usual very excited to see me, I may have to bring her home as a foster... she is older, maybe 11, but still in good physical health. Dec 12, is another adoption event at a shopping mall, suppose I'll take her again. Imagine what emotions I'll feel if someone adopts her.
My children showed concern for me when their mother died, but they are getting back to their busy lives, I am not. But would be nice if my son said something like stay with me for a while (here I think 3 days max) and I'll get some time off and we can play guitars, talk, take a hike... and when I'm not in surgery and not getting needed sleep we can just watch some football on tv.... that's what I would have done had my father lived, I did somewhat with my mother who lived into my middle age years.
Exactly what I don't want to do, share the pain to cause pain... but the caring helps, and I can care back, in return... further the "self analysis" may help me get my head together. I grew up absent most of the fun things in life, toys, nice cloths, vacations, nice physical home and some schooling preparations, I was the only kid in kindergarten who didn't know the alphabet... oh, heck, like a lot of kids, don't think I was the only one, just the only one I know was embarrassed. And like other have-nots I kept busy fantasizing for things I would like to have - seems I may still be doing that even after decades of having all the physical stuff, earned myself, I used to want. So, thanks and take some peace from my painful posts in the thought I may find it helpful and I'll quit doing it.
I'm still trying to scope-out my expectations from my children and hope to get the expectation better aligned with reality. I will try to hold up my end, and believe my outreach properly presented will make all feel better, clearly striking out will not have a happy ending.
Edit: Had a power loss, and wanted to conclude saying, no I have not been sitting in front of my PC waiting for a reply... I just got back from a nice brisk walk with Jasper, cool but sunny here in NJ, nice for walking with a heavy shirt for warmth. Yes, I did check email as soon as I returned.
Last edited by Jerry_NJ; 12-05-2015 at 08:33 AM..
Reason: Add Edit
Being active and busy can help with anxiety....hope that it works for you .
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