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Well the sun is up again. Another night spent grabbing a few minutes blessed sleep where I can get it. Funny how I don't really feel tired even though I'm just exhausted. I want to thank everyone for the caring replies. It's somewhat comforting to have the realization one is not alone and has a safe place to reach out. I've done a lot of posting here on CD that focused on the trials, tribulations and deep, deep feeling that are involved with my lady and I.
I'll be perfectly fine to just sit here on this mountain top and watch her star rise every night. Again, I want to expels my thanks to everyone and offer my condolences to all for their losses as well. We meet on the same mountain at the same level. Heaven has new angels. The World is diminished, but is still a better place for our dearest ones having been here.
NVplumber, your story parallels my own. I met my husbands father in the mid 70's and we were just best of friends because of our gardening interests and other hobbies. He was the next door neighbor to my boss and had just had open heart surgery and was just hanging out in his yard healing so I would stop to visit him and he was also good friends with my boss. Then I met Joe. Joe and I were both in abusive relationships both toughing out out trying to make it work. We paid no attention to each other at that time. Fast forward 11 years or so later I am finally breaking free from my relationship and it turns out Joe had done the same. I had been moving some things up to my bosses house to store until I could find a place to live.I needed to borrow a tool from Joe's dad so walked over and Joe was there. Of course they invited me to coffee and they asked me what I was doing up at Todd's. They could see me working out their kitchen window. I gave them the run down and Joe asked me if I could cook and I told him of course and he offered for me to move into his house to cook for him. And like you it was all over but the shouting at that point. Both of us having been abused we knew never to do that to another. We were a perfect match for each other. He was almost 10 years older than I was.
I am so grateful he wanted to move to the mountains early on in our relationship because both of us loved living this peaceful life. Even the brutal winters. I am not actually on the mountain but see it in a small road cut right out my front porch. Happy to be here in the valley at about 2500 foot elevation where I can hopefully get around in winter. Last year was a total bust. I was snowed in for a few months. I miss him dearly but I am not miserable being alone. I have enough wonderful memories to last the rest of my life and honestly feel his presence here. Just too many signs. I revel in the joy he brought me and I know he wanted me to be happy. I am doing the best I can to do that.
Some how we will all get along. I am not sure of the total plan. Like others I am living day by day. Trying to look too far ahead is too hard for me right now. I am so thankful for my animals. They are good company for me.
Whelp I am finally home. Was a very long 6 hours and 90 miles gone for me. I am getting more and more into not wanting to leave the house. When I walked back in the front door I wanted to drop to my knees and kiss the floor. I love the feeling of home and safety. I also do not like spending 200 dollars and not buying anything fun but a package of dry erase pens for my mosaics. Well dog and kitties and myself all have to eat. I am stocked up for at least 2 weeks again and the car has been gassed up and serviced, check put in the bank big dump run. Everything that needs to be kept cold is in the fridge and freezer. The rest of the kitchen looks like a bomb went off. It can all wait until I get cooled down. It is 104 out there right now.
I had planned on buying more paint but after talking to the building inspector friend of mine he said it is too hot to be painting. Not just because it is too hot for me to be doing the work it is not good for a good paint job. SO I hope my front porch holds up and for now the rest of the house can wait until it cools some. I have this,hopefully, silly fear if I do not get everything done right away I will get too old to do it. Really in 3 months?? Hopefully not. Does any one else get crazy notions like this? It is like my mind is not tracking right some days.
Coming home over what they call Midvale Hill the sky over the valley and surrounding mountains is very smoky looking. Guess the fires are already starting. I caught a little bit of some one saying more dry lightening tonight. We did not have it here last night that I know but I always worry about fires. Some one must be having it. I hate to waste water on the lawns but I do try to keep a cleared green area around the house and the lawns do that for me here.
I am give out hope every one is having the best day they can. I am just going to put my calming music on and lay down for a little bit. I totally was not thinking about it being Friday and all the flatlanders head to the mountains to get in a cooler weekend. Our little high way 95 is mostly a two lane affair and it was packed with trailers and campers boats. Every one in a hurry to go have fun. Going down this morning it was not bad because I was going against all of that but coming home I was right in the thick of it the whole way. Note to self NO MORE FRIDAY town runs. Have the best evening you can folks.
Whelp I am finally home. Was a very long 6 hours and 90 miles gone for me. I am getting more and more into not wanting to leave the house. When I walked back in the front door I wanted to drop to my knees and kiss the floor. I love the feeling of home and safety. I also do not like spending 200 dollars and not buying anything fun but a package of dry erase pens for my mosaics. Well dog and kitties and myself all have to eat. I am stocked up for at least 2 weeks again and the car has been gassed up and serviced, check put in the bank big dump run. Everything that needs to be kept cold is in the fridge and freezer. The rest of the kitchen looks like a bomb went off. It can all wait until I get cooled down. It is 104 out there right now.
I had planned on buying more paint but after talking to the building inspector friend of mine he said it is too hot to be painting. Not just because it is too hot for me to be doing the work it is not good for a good paint job. SO I hope my front porch holds up and for now the rest of the house can wait until it cools some. I have this,hopefully, silly fear if I do not get everything done right away I will get too old to do it. Really in 3 months?? Hopefully not. Does any one else get crazy notions like this? It is like my mind is not tracking right some days.
Coming home over what they call Midvale Hill the sky over the valley and surrounding mountains is very smoky looking. Guess the fires are already starting. I caught a little bit of some one saying more dry lightening tonight. We did not have it here last night that I know but I always worry about fires. Some one must be having it. I hate to waste water on the lawns but I do try to keep a cleared green area around the house and the lawns do that for me here.
I am give out hope every one is having the best day they can. I am just going to put my calming music on and lay down for a little bit. I totally was not thinking about it being Friday and all the flatlanders head to the mountains to get in a cooler weekend. Our little high way 95 is mostly a two lane affair and it was packed with trailers and campers boats. Every one in a hurry to go have fun. Going down this morning it was not bad because I was going against all of that but coming home I was right in the thick of it the whole way. Note to self NO MORE FRIDAY town runs. Have the best evening you can folks.
Sounds like a long day Shades. Enough crammed in to help keep your mind occupied. My day wasn't quite so full. I wish it had been actually. I find that staying busy on something does help with not dwelling. Dwelling on all the what ifs and if I had justs. I believe I'll call my son this weekend and set up a visit. I need to have a talk with him anyway. He knows what I'm going through and he wants to help so bad. But he's ...uncomfortable about it all. Because he just doesn't know what to say or do. I need to reassure him that all he has to do is just be my son. That he doesn't need to act a certain way or have all the right words. All he has to do is be himself. He loved her too. He'd known her since he was just a baby.
He's making me a grandfather come November and thus I have someone who needs me still. I feel a lot of regret the coming baby girl will not get the chance to know the lovely person who was the love of my life. She was as excited about the new arrival as me. Maybe more. It's a girl thing. But baby girl will know the man that was made be a use of that certain lady. She made me better. Made me WANT to be better. That will be enough.
Sounds like a long day Shades. Enough crammed in to help keep your mind occupied. My day wasn't quite so full. I wish it had been actually. I find that staying busy on something does help with not dwelling. Dwelling on all the what ifs and if I had justs. I believe I'll call my son this weekend and set up a visit. I need to have a talk with him anyway. He knows what I'm going through and he wants to help so bad. But he's ...uncomfortable about it all. Because he just doesn't know what to say or do. I need to reassure him that all he has to do is just be my son. That he doesn't need to act a certain way or have all the right words. All he has to do is be himself. He loved her too. He'd known her since he was just a baby.
He's making me a grandfather come November and thus I have someone who needs me still. I feel a lot of regret the coming baby girl will not get the chance to know the lovely person who was the love of my life. She was as excited about the new arrival as me. Maybe more. It's a girl thing. But baby girl will know the man that was made be a use of that certain lady. She made me better. Made me WANT to be better. That will be enough.
I woke up at 3:00AM. The dogs signaled a noise in the house. It was our son using the bathroom. They're still not used to him being back living with Mom and Dad again. It is nice to have our son, but it is also tough. Tough because we're both out of work. That brings some nasty stress with it. I recently passed a difficult medical exam 2 1/2 weeks ago and I am so relieved to get that certification for further employment. But why can't I land a gig here in hometown KC?
Our son is probably going to go to work at the Amazon factory in nearby Edgerton. His 2002 Buick Park Avenue is old but moving along just fine. He bought it from a guy in Phoenix that owned 18 cars and wanted to sell one! It has 140,000 miles on it. So he can get himself to the jobsite. Edgerton is 37 miles southwest of us here in Grandview, a southern suburb of Kansas City.
I have a Skype interview Monday morning with a Cardiopulmonary Boss at a hospital in upstate New York. It looks fairly positive that I can land this one, but, do we want to go to upstate NY ta live? It's average temp. is 44.8▫️. Actually, the more I research the small town on the St. Lawrence River, the more I like it. The Boss sounds very nice. We shall see. I've been out of work for 3 months now. If we go there my Boss says that there's all sorts of Cook jobs there - my wife is a Cook. Will our son move there with us? We don't know. More on all of this, and that, later.
NVplumber, I worked in Elko, NV, for about 6 months. Another cold place - in the winter, anyway. Yes, your son will help you just by being there for you. I am glad you have him. The baby girl will be a blessing for all of you. Hang in there - I don't personally know how it feels like to lose a wife to death - but many people on here have lost a spouse. They do know how it feels. I don't ever want to experience that - but, my belief system teaches me that our Creator - to believe that He is there and He created us - teaches me that the resurrection hope found at John 5:28, 29 is real. God not only doesn't lie, he can't lie.
Good Saturday morning everyone! It's a beautiful morning here today! Possible storms later but for now it's perfect!
July 18th will be my DH's birthday. I am going to try very hard to make that day a of celebration of his life. Not sure what to do but I'm thinking it over.
Work went well last night and so far the dogs are doing pretty good! We try to take our walks early or late since the weather has been so hot!
I hope everyone has a blessed day!
I hope everyone has a good weekend. Cyn you are so smart to think about a celebration of your DH life as a way to mark his birthday. Even if just to honor him in your thoughts and prayers......I hope you can make it a special day. I know he liked green beans......because you one time asked me for a recipe....and I gave you instructions on southern style green beans....well cooked with a little salt pork or bacon....not just steamed and blanched crisp crunchy. Maybe cook a supper that he would have enjoyed.....and it would be good for you also to eat!
Good morning folks. I am up way too early for the day and night I had but really want to get as much of the yard chores done before it just gets too hot out there to work. Chicken is almost cooked, yes for breakfast, I am weird that way. Well it will be for many meals I made a whole big pan of it. Hoping I still have time to get the house cooled down from the oven heat. Sprinkler going in the yard. Animal chores done.
Ha had a funny call this morning some guy, I did not get his name, called from Kentucky. No idea how his number got on his phone. Neither of us were even remotely aware of each other. I told him if he figured it out to let me know. So how can my home number get onto his cell phone??? We had a good laugh. He said he had had a funeral last week so I wondered if that was the connection. Oh well Lifes mysteries.
NVplumber so glad to hear your son is close to you. I can imagine he does not know what to say as he is grieving in his way too. I would think just being as open as possible with him and letting him be the same with you is the best thing for both of you.
SO I am feeling the need to get moving around here. Might catch you all on the flip side of this day. Never run out of things to be done. I keep hoping some day I would be totally caught up but then it would be time to start over again or maybe my life would be done?? Do we ever get totally caught up?? And the weekend already. Not that it matters to me other than to remember no town runs on Friday again.
Sounds like a long day Shades. Enough crammed in to help keep your mind occupied. My day wasn't quite so full. I wish it had been actually. I find that staying busy on something does help with not dwelling. Dwelling on all the what ifs and if I had justs. I believe I'll call my son this weekend and set up a visit. I need to have a talk with him anyway. He knows what I'm going through and he wants to help so bad. But he's ...uncomfortable about it all. Because he just doesn't know what to say or do. I need to reassure him that all he has to do is just be my son. That he doesn't need to act a certain way or have all the right words. All he has to do is be himself. He loved her too. He'd known her since he was just a baby.
He's making me a grandfather come November and thus I have someone who needs me still. I feel a lot of regret the coming baby girl will not get the chance to know the lovely person who was the love of my life. She was as excited about the new arrival as me. Maybe more. It's a girl thing. But baby girl will know the man that was made be a use of that certain lady. She made me better. Made me WANT to be better. That will be enough.
I woke up at 3:00AM. The dogs signaled a noise in the house. It was our son using the bathroom. They're still not used to him being back living with Mom and Dad again. It is nice to have our son, but it is also tough. Tough because we're both out of work. That brings some nasty stress with it. I recently passed a difficult medical exam 2 1/2 weeks ago and I am so relieved to get that certification for further employment. But why can't I land a gig here in hometown KC?
Our son is probably going to go to work at the Amazon factory in nearby Edgerton. His 2002 Buick Park Avenue is old but moving along just fine. He bought it from a guy in Phoenix that owned 18 cars and wanted to sell one! It has 140,000 miles on it. So he can get himself to the jobsite. Edgerton is 37 miles southwest of us here in Grandview, a southern suburb of Kansas City.
I have a Skype interview Monday morning with a Cardiopulmonary Boss at a hospital in upstate New York. It looks fairly positive that I can land this one, but, do we want to go to upstate NY ta live? It's average temp. is 44.8▫️. Actually, the more I research the small town on the St. Lawrence River, the more I like it. The Boss sounds very nice. We shall see. I've been out of work for 3 months now. If we go there my Boss says that there's all sorts of Cook jobs there - my wife is a Cook. Will our son move there with us? We don't know. More on all of this, and that, later.
NVplumber, I worked in Elko, NV, for about 6 months. Another cold place - in the winter, anyway. Yes, your son will help you just by being there for you. I am glad you have him. The baby girl will be a blessing for all of you. Hang in there - I don't personally know how it feels like to lose a wife to death - but many people on here have lost a spouse. They do know how it feels. I don't ever want to experience that - but, my belief system teaches me that our Creator - to believe that He is there and He created us - teaches me that the resurrection hope found at John 5:28, 29 is real. God not only doesn't lie, he can't lie.
Have the best Saturday's you can, everyone!
My Mom lives in Elko. Spring Creek. I live in Carson. I've been seriously thinking about getting another motorcycle. Perhaps a road adventure might help to get my mind right. I also hope everyone else is finding a way to carry on. Grief like this can be all consuming if we allow it and our lost ones would not want that for us. We have to grieve. It's unavoidable. But we also need to honor their memories. Remember them for who they were. Still are to us. The life celebration idea is a good one. It says that we remember what it was like to have LIVED alongside them. That the world is a better place for them having LIVED. I like that. Very much.
To let the world know that having lived alongside these precious people made us better. I can't find any reason or purpose in why she had to be taken. Especially since I believe God brought us together. At a time when we truly needed each other. We had never stopped needing each other. Like we needed air. Now I need to go on without her. I don't understand. I was so much better with her than without her. All I can do is honor that. I am still needed too. So all I can do is take what she gave me and put it to the uses put in front of me. Let her go on through me. I suppose that's something we can all do for those we've lost. Refuse to let them truly die a song as we live. My best to all. May your seas be calm and your winds fair.
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