Quote:
Originally Posted by suz1023
It seems dumb now, but in the dozen years of my husband's illness it never occurred to me that he'd die while I was young enough to start over.
So I find my self in a very strange, scary and wonderful place suddenly, and am wondering yet again what I want to be when I grow up.
I have no one to care for but myself for the first time since I was a teenager, not even a pet.
I can eke out a year without working, and am thinking maybe I should do something entirely different--but what?!
My own version of Eat, Pray Love I guess.
I think I want to go back to school to learn something useful and portable. Or maybe go volunteer on a farm or something somewhere.
Teach English as a second language?
Learn to scuba dive finally?
Start a small business or six?
How on earth does one decide when there are so many dang options?!!!
For those who've been there or may get here, I'd love a discussion on topic.
|
You are in for a treat.
I'm sorry about your loss, and I bet you've had a rough decade or so - but this is not what the thread's about, so I won't dwell on that.
I got divorced when I was about 40. I had been married since I was twenty. I hadn't even actually ever dated a real MAN - LOL.
The same year, my youngest graduated from high school and chose to move into an apartment with a group of buddies (his choice, not mine but it all worked out). So - I was truly foot loose and fancy free.
I knew I needed to get my head together and really find out who I was and what I wanted to do. Like you, I was able to take a year off work basically, so that's what I did, and it was a good thing because my mother had a stroke just a few weeks after my divorce and my parents needed my help for awhile.
They had a guest house that was actually about 1/4 mile from their house (private) and honestly this worked out perfectly. It was sort of like living on Walden Pond, and very peaceful. I put a bunch of stuff in storage and moved there for several months. I used it as a base of operations so to speak, to determine where I wanted to actually settle down and what career I wanted to do (I had been practicing real estate but all bets are off in real estate if you move to a new area).
I read a lot of books. Frankly, I'd known my marriage was falling apart for a long time so I had already begun really working on myself so as not to make the same mistakes again. I had even been going to counseling (I was the one who filed for divorce). So I really wasn't grieving at ALL. I had seen this coming and had already grieved so I was excited to be beginning a new life. I was ready for adventure!
I lost some weight, got in better shape, and began dating once I wasn't afraid of the idea of getting nekkid in front of someone - LOL.
Girl, I dated every sort of man around - older, younger, fat, skinny, brown, white, rich, poor, blue collar, white collar, you name it. I HAD A BLAST. I really got a great idea of what sort of qualities were important to me, and whether I wanted to remarry or remain single, etc.
I got to know a great bunch of girlfriends and learned a lot about strong women - and became one.
I lived in a townhouse for awhile, and a cabin with a lake in front of it, and decided that I prefer town life over country life. I did some real estate for awhile (part time) and decided that with my new situation, I needed 8-5 work and decided to go into outside sales instead, which worked out well.
I went to the beach over and over again, as well as New Orleans several times. I took my adult kids on a few trips with me and those were great. I met up with folks at various vacation spots and had a lot of fun.
After all that, I decided it was time to get a "real job" and settle down in one spot, and I chose the town I'd lived in for years - but it was interesting because I was seeing it from a whole other perspective. I changed careers, changed circles, changed churches, and got to know a whole new set of people and activities.
And that's when I met my current husband! And he was TOTALLY unlike anyone else I'd dated and certainly unlike my ex husband. In fact, he was someone I would have considered "above my pay grade" in the past, before I knew my own value and strength. But thankfully I was much more confident and sure of who I was and what I wanted when I met him.
We've been married now for going about nine years and it's been a fantastic adventure. We've done things together that I wanted to do my whole life. Besides that, and more importantly, he is truly my best friend and my running buddy as well as the great love of my life. And my kids LOVE him! And we now have seven grandkids "together." It's fantastic.
I'm so glad I expanded my interests, my experiences, my life in general.
I hope you have resounding success yourself, whatever direction you take!
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
