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If they want to know its public record. Personally I'd have just said: I'd rather not talk about that. At one time Media would not even cover a suicide in respect of family.
The newspapers however used to give the most graphic details, just read any old newspaper from 100 years ago and you'll read about various accidents and things, boiler explosions, building collapses and the list of victims and their names, ages, addresses were published along with their exact injuries, so you would see entries such as:
"John Smith, 23 of Floral Lake Road, lost left leg, severe burns, probably will die"
"Joseph Derp, 45, transient, broken ribs, fractured skull, not expected to survive"
I do think you are doing the right and compassionate thing, but I am a bit confused by your post above -- I thought you did not share the manner of death with your mother? And if your brothers know, do you not think that information will get around to other members of the family? I know my family would never be able to keep a secret like that. Are the daughters pressing you for more information, or are they content with what you have given them? I don't mean "content", but you know, at least not asking any further questions...
This was more of an answer to a poster who asked if I had someone close to help me cope. When I mentioned sharing it with my mother, I meant that I was able to physically be with her to tell her the news, just not the manner of death. She's 89 and I drove like hell for 3 hours to tell her in person.
We are a very small family. There is no other close family for the information to get around to. Her daughters are not pressing for information at all. For now, at least.
Another vote for telling them the truth as they deserve that. I know that it will be hard but if they find out eventually, they'll wonder what else family has told them that isn't true. I am not sure that dying from a drug overdose is anymore pleasant than hanging or perhaps using the drug overdose might make it seem like it was not on purpose which would not, of course, be the truth.
The way people can research records and families these days, it will most likely come out eventually.
They are very clear that she took her own life. She left letters and instructions. And since she died in another country it's unlikely they will research records. And they can always ask her husband directly. One daughter has specifically said she does not want to know the details and the other hasn't asked. My mother asked and I said I didn't know the details but was assuming it was an overdose.
I'm sure the truth will come out one day, but for right now I'm comfortable just letting things be as they are.
Not sure what to do here. A week ago my younger sister ended her life by hanging herself. When I gave the terrible news to her two grown daughters and my mother, I pretended not to know the manner of death and was purposely vague when asked specifically what it was. I kind of made it sound like it was a drug overdose. I wish I didn't know how she did it, but I do. I don't see how it would be beneficial for them to know the truth.
Am I wrong to withhold this information? It was such a violent way to go and I want to protect them from this knowledge. Although she had a rocky relationship with her daughters (ages 29 and 37) it was still a huge blow to them. It's very hard for me to think straight these days, so I'm looking for some guidance.
Thank you.
I think you should have told them from the outset....but since you didn't -- wait -- but do tell them the truth.
People are owed the truth. And, at least in mine, suicide runs in the family. They can on the lookout for signs and seek help...
You just keep doing what you are doing, sayu. Those who say nay are not in your shoes, although neither are we but we apparently have more empathy. Only time will tell if you are right or wrong. If, in time you decide to tell the girls, it would probably not be as devastating to them as now. Never second guess yourself. It usually is wrong. Peace, my friend.
Not sure what to do here. A week ago my younger sister ended her life by hanging herself. When I gave the terrible news to her two grown daughters and my mother, I pretended not to know the manner of death and was purposely vague when asked specifically what it was. I kind of made it sound like it was a drug overdose. I wish I didn't know how she did it, but I do. I don't see how it would be beneficial for them to know the truth.
Am I wrong to withhold this information? It was such a violent way to go and I want to protect them from this knowledge. Although she had a rocky relationship with her daughters (ages 29 and 37) it was still a huge blow to them. It's very hard for me to think straight these days, so I'm looking for some guidance.
Thank you.
Only if they ask. And it may be a while before they ask.
People protect themselves from anguish all the time, and "not knowing" is one way.
You should have told them immediately. Now they will have to go through it again when they do find out the truth. They are the closer relative, not you. I don't understand why you informed them instead of them informing you. They should have been given the information and decided how much to tell you.
You should have told them immediately. Now they will have to go through it again when they do find out the truth. They are the closer relative, not you. I don't understand why you informed them instead of them informing you. They should have been given the information and decided how much to tell you.
You are making some assumptions here about our family dynamics that are just not true. My sister instructed her husband to inform my brother, who in turn informed me as he is not close to his nieces and had no contact info for them. There's more to all the dynamics, but I don't feel I need to explain them all to you. Not sure why you think you are entitled to tell me how it all should have been done when you have no idea how my family works.
Only if they ask. And it may be a while before they ask.
People protect themselves from anguish all the time, and "not knowing" is one way.
Thank you Listener. I agree.
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