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You just keep doing what you are doing, sayu. Those who say nay are not in your shoes, although neither are we but we apparently have more empathy. Only time will tell if you are right or wrong. If, in time you decide to tell the girls, it would probably not be as devastating to them as now. Never second guess yourself. It usually is wrong. Peace, my friend.
Thanks Tami. I'm sticking to my instincts on this. And it feels like the majority agrees with me.
You just keep doing what you are doing, sayu. Those who say nay are not in your shoes, although neither are we but we apparently have more empathy. Only time will tell if you are right or wrong. If, in time you decide to tell the girls, it would probably not be as devastating to them as now. Never second guess yourself. It usually is wrong. Peace, my friend.
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Hmmm, I don't know about this, Tam. I think this would be devastating all over again. When my Mom died suddenly, I had a lot of questions and thought about trying to get the EMTs' report. I wanted to know if she had been conscious when they reached her. But then I thought, the report would probably contain details that would make me feel worse. I wanted to feel that she never knew what hit her, so to speak, and felt no pain. She was gone...and knowing the details wouldn't bring her back.
So, it sounds like the daughters and Mom are not pressing Sayu for any further information and hopefully they won't in the future. I just feel bad that she is the one carrying the burden of this "secret".
Hmmm, I don't know about this, Tam. I think this would be devastating all over again. When my Mom died suddenly, I had a lot of questions and thought about trying to get the EMTs' report. I wanted to know if she had been conscious when they reached her. But then I thought, the report would probably contain details that would make me feel worse. I wanted to feel that she never knew what hit her, so to speak, and felt no pain. She was gone...and knowing the details wouldn't bring her back.
So, it sounds like the daughters and Mom are not pressing Sayu for any further information and hopefully they won't in the future. I just feel bad that she is the one carrying the burden of this "secret".
Yes, I feel bad for sayu also but she seems to be holding up well. My bff let one of her daughters find her. Except for the deaths of my parents and hubby, I have never cried so long and so hard with her girls huddled around me. It was devastating to me and I still don't want to imagine what they went through. I will tell you one thing, they were p*ssed to the max too. They made the mortician have the rope Mark displayed prominently.
It's really hard. I can't imagine what it's like to be in such a dark place that suicide is the only way out. Her husband, whom I hardly know, is having an awful time with it. He's the one who found her. I think that was really cruel of her. She could have gone to a hotel and have a stranger be the one to find her.
I have known a few people who offed themselves,. It is not up to us to pass judgement.
You say you can't imagine what it's like to be in that person's shoes. That person did and was evidently ired of living, I had a family member who was dying of cancer and lived in excruciating pain everyday even though he drank a pint of morphine syrup a day. The morphine never dulled his pain. He left no note but ll knew he was looking forward to dying to end the pain. we figured he couldn't take it any longer. I am OK with it. We don't know another's pain. We keep people alive in hospitals/nursing homes for our own selfish wants. Those people would probably like to jump from a 10 story building. It is a victim-less crime. Dr Kevorkian was woefully misunderstood.
Ever seen an elderly person in a wheel chair whi has tto do dialysis regularly? Do you think they are truly happy with their life? Can't walk, kidneys are shot and usually in pain. Would it be wrong to allow such a person to overdose on some medication so they can pass while asleep?
Put yourself in that person's shoes. Most of you can't because you can't/don't want to fathom.
We are all going to die, does it matter if we decide to go while we still have some sense of ourselves? Maybe the woman in question saw nothing good in her future and was tired of living as she was. Is it a crime to want to die? Is suicide murder?
She died in another country so they won't be seeing the death certificate unless they ask for it, which I doubt they will.
There's now way I will tell them right now as they are reeling from the loss. I may tell them a few months down the road when they are feeling a little more stable. But telling them right now feels very wrong.
I would be honest and tell them.
Their grieving process will undoubtedly be long and obviously very painful.
But what happens one year, two years, 10 years down the line when they find out you lied to them? It will open up old healed/healing wounds, and traumatize them all over again. And, if nothing else, they may resent you.
Tell them.
I'm so sorry for your loss., btw. My prayers go out to you and your family...
My brother was killed in a hit and run in January. When I spoke to the medical examiner all he could tell me at the time, pre-exam, was that he was already dead when the police arrived after being contacted about a body in the road. (Major US highway).
He'd just checked himself out, AMA, from the hospital where he'd been treated for a disease that was taking it's toll. And he was an alcoholic. I have no idea why he was walking on the highway in the middle of the night. There are a dozen viable scenarios as to what happened beyond him getting hit by some sort of vehicle, at likely a high rate of speed.
But I never called back to the ME. Because I don't want to know if he was drunk or not. Or if he suffered before he died. The speculation is bad enough. I don't want to know the actual details. What if it's worse than I imagine?
I have known a few people who offed themselves,. It is not up to us to pass judgement.
You say you can't imagine what it's like to be in that person's shoes. That person did and was evidently ired of living, I had a family member who was dying of cancer and lived in excruciating pain everyday even though he drank a pint of morphine syrup a day. The morphine never dulled his pain. He left no note but ll knew he was looking forward to dying to end the pain. we figured he couldn't take it any longer. I am OK with it. We don't know another's pain. We keep people alive in hospitals/nursing homes for our own selfish wants. Those people would probably like to jump from a 10 story building. It is a victim-less crime. Dr Kevorkian was woefully misunderstood.
Ever seen an elderly person in a wheel chair whi has tto do dialysis regularly? Do you think they are truly happy with their life? Can't walk, kidneys are shot and usually in pain. Would it be wrong to allow such a person to overdose on some medication so they can pass while asleep?
Put yourself in that person's shoes. Most of you can't because you can't/don't want to fathom.
We are all going to die, does it matter if we decide to go while we still have some sense of ourselves? Maybe the woman in question saw nothing good in her future and was tired of living as she was. Is it a crime to want to die? Is suicide murder?
I don't judge why she did it or even that she did it. I support people's right to end their lives if it has become to unbearable to live. It wasn't a crime and it wasn't murder. I live in a Death with Dignity state and voted for it to become law. It just seemed unnecessarily cruel to make her husband find her. I have never suffered from depression, but I know many who do. Those of us who have never experienced it can't begin to imagine what it feels like. It's just terribly painful for those of us left behind.
My brother was killed in a hit and run in January. When I spoke to the medical examiner all he could tell me at the time, pre-exam, was that he was already dead when the police arrived after being contacted about a body in the road. (Major US highway).
He'd just checked himself out, AMA, from the hospital where he'd been treated for a disease that was taking it's toll. And he was an alcoholic. I have no idea why he was walking on the highway in the middle of the night. There are a dozen viable scenarios as to what happened beyond him getting hit by some sort of vehicle, at likely a high rate of speed.
But I never called back to the ME. Because I don't want to know if he was drunk or not. Or if he suffered before he died. The speculation is bad enough. I don't want to know the actual details. What if it's worse than I imagine?
I think you're doing the right thing.
I'm so sorry about your brother. I'm glad you never called the ME back. I can't see where knowing every detail is helpful in any way.
Thanks for your support of my decision. Even though her husband told my brother, and my brother told me the manner of death, I see no reason why the gate keeping can't start with me in keeping the terrible details to myself.
Their grieving process will undoubtedly be long and obviously very painful.
But what happens one year, two years, 10 years down the line when they find out you lied to them? It will open up old healed/healing wounds, and traumatize them all over again. And, if nothing else, they may resent you.
Tell them.
I'm so sorry for your loss., btw. My prayers go out to you and your family...
Thank you for your kind words. I'd just like to say again, I didn't lie to her daughters. One specifically did not want details and the other didn't ask. Why on earth would I volunteer the information in that scenario?
I did fudge with my mom and I stand by it. No way would she want to know the details. I know my mom.
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