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OP - I am so very very sorry you are going through this.
One thing you know for sure not only did you love him but he loved you. He is now at peace and lives on in your heart.
I strongly recommened grief therapy. I went through it in 89/90. Met a gal there I clicked with and we have been BFF's for almost 30 years now. It is so comforting to have had someone who shares very similar scars.
When we meet up and have an issue, we don't even need to go into detail., as we instintly 'know'. She is the only friend I have that is like this, cause we share that bond.
Get involved with the people in the group, meet for coffee etc. There will be someone you'll find a special connection with. The more of these people you find, the more they will enhance your life.
Thank you all for your warm and king replies. I've tried everything you've listed and I did indeed ask my doctor to direct me towards a grief support group.
I'm not close with to family and friends have been there for me, but nothing, nothing seems to help. I hate getting up each day as it seems as if each morning is the same as the last. It feels like a knife in my heart cutting down to my gut, painted with the most unbearable sadness that renders me unable to even get out of bed sometimes. I needed to puck up some groceries on Wednesday and didnt, because I just couldn't, until yesterday. Just no physical strength, I feel weak constantly even though I'm eating. I'm going to see my doctor this week to seek help.
I just want to stop hurting. The things I saw in the hospital, and the gruesome surgeries for 30 years are embeded in my head. Everyday is the same and I'm just tired of being sad, never smiling or laughing. Nothing brings any pleasure, I can't even clear my head, always in a fog, can't read, hard to watch tv and I'm just sick of all of it. I'm not even me anymore and I know it's just grief, but I want to move on and don't feel I ever will. I loved him dearly, I raised him alone, and now he's gone and it was my decision to turn off life support. You know, I'm tired of complaining, I'm sick of sounding weak, I don't want pity, just searching for answers. So I'm just gonna stop talking about it and stop blubbering as now I'm crying again and my head is pounding.
I thank you all for your time, prayers, suggestions and advice. God bless you all and again, thank you.
I'm praying for you and your loss as well, take care.
So sorry for your loss and the agony you are in right now.
In generally I am not in favor of medications, but maybe in your case is not a bad idea to ask a doctor for a short term prescription- preferably the one that would not cause addiction, so you can numb the pain a bit and be able to sleep.
They say time is the best healer ( not that you be completely healed from your loss - it would never go away) but in your case you may need a bit of help to cope for a bit.
If you can find some energy to re- focus your loss on someone in need, like foster child- maybe it could help you?
Very sorry for you, will be thinking of you...
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