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I've told this story before, but I think it's up there with Things Not To Say To A Grieving Person.
My mother was the mayor's representative for the town library board. As it became apparent that my brother was dying at 51, my mother told the mayor she could no longer be on the board because she was caring for her son. The mayor was also a mother who had a lost a son of her own in a construction accident.
My brother died, and I was standing next to her in front of my brother's casket at the funeral home when in walks the mayor. She comes up to my mother and says, "I'm sorry about your son, but now maybe you'll have time to come back and serve on the library board." My mom just looked sort of confused and simply said, "We'll see" or something to that effect.
Someone AT the funeral said I must be crying crocodile tears (the funeral was long).
Um, yeah, it's like 7 days after my husband died unexpectedly.... so I must be faking my grief at that that late date.....
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I've told this story before, but I think it's up there with Things Not To Say To A Grieving Person.
The mayor was also a mother who had a lost a son of her own in a construction accident.
My brother died, and I was standing next to her in front of my brother's casket at the funeral home when in walks the mayor. She comes up to my mother and says, "I'm sorry about your son, but now maybe you'll have time to come back and serve on the library board."
Unfrigginbelievable! And the mayor lost a child of her own, which makes her insensitivity even worse! A lot of people are just better off not saying a damn thing when they're around grief.
"He's in a better place" took the cake for me as worst, most insensitive comment when my dear father died. Even if you have some misguided belief that this is so, please keep it to yourself. The place I wanted him was still here, with me and my family. There was not a " better place".
This wasn't a 'worst thing to say' but I couldn't believe one of her friends that I notified started talking to me about her UTI. I was like I don't care! And a friend of mine thought she should babble and babble about herself to 'take my mind off my grief' I was like you don't have to listen, but it's a bit soon for that for me. I want to talk about it! People can be weird.
After my bother was murdered someone who had lost her son to cancer told me that she hurt worse from losing him than I hurt from losing my brother. I didn’t know grief was a contest, all I knew was I was hurting like hell. I would never presume my loss is larger than someone else’s.
After my bother was murdered someone who had lost her son to cancer told me that she hurt worse from losing him than I hurt from losing my brother. I didn’t know grief was a contest, all I knew was I was hurting like hell. I would never presume my loss is larger than someone else’s.
How insensitive, Larksong. I'm so sorry someone said this to you!
After my bother was murdered someone who had lost her son to cancer told me that she hurt worse from losing him than I hurt from losing my brother. I didn’t know grief was a contest, all I knew was I was hurting like hell. I would never presume my loss is larger than someone else’s.
She was able to say goodbye to her son; you were not. Her son died with his mother at his side, not in terror at the hands of someone else. How horrible of her!
How insensitive, Larksong. I'm so sorry someone said this to you!
And so sorry for the loss of your brother.
People can say the most ridiculous things!!
Thank you for your kind words. To add insult to injury I had lost my mom to cancer just six months before my brother was killed and this person knew that.
I tried really hard to let it pass as one of those foot in mouth moments but even years later those words of hers still sting.
She was able to say goodbye to her son; you were not. Her son died with his mother at his side, not in terror at the hands of someone else. How horrible of her!
First of all I’m so sorry for the loss of your child. You have witnessed and experienced the different kinds of grieving that goes along with a sudden or tragic loss. I can attest that it adds to the grieving process. I saw how both my parents grieved over the loss of my sister to leukemia. My dad was never the same after my brother will killed. No parent should ever have to bury a child let alone two of them.
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The place I wanted him was still here, with me and my family. There was not a " better place".
