Mothers Day

[johngolf]

I use to tell my friends that my Mother was dead and my wife was not a Mother, so a non event day in my house.

[lostsoul359]

Originally Posted by meo92953

I moved away from my old state almost two years after my son died. It was difficult for me to keep explaining that he was diabetic and didn't take care of himself. His choice.

One day I woke up and realized there was nothing tying me to my state anymore. I stayed to be close to my son. I had personally had enough of the cold and snow, so I left.

It's been a year and a half since then and I've gotten to know some people but not that many yet. I just moved into a new complex and somehow forgot it's Mother's Day weekend. A few neighbors have asked if I'm a mother and I hesitate to answer.

That's a yes and no. I still feel like his mother, even though he's gone, but technically I suppose I'm not.

I'll be glad when today is over and the question quite coming up.

Have you ever hired a Medium? I have not but tomorrow I am consulting with one. I lost my lover last month he was 53 and died from a sudden unexpected (sort of) heart attack.
It might help your soul and his spirit might be looking for you to talk to you.

[ClaraC]

OP, I think you need to come up with a quick phrase to answer this question, and then allow the person who just has kind of idle or polite interest to move on to another topic. From friends I have who have lost children, this is what they've learned to do - and you shouldn't feel disloyal to your son for doing it.

When asked if you have children, you can just say "Yes, I had a son and he died of complications from diabetes. How about you? Do you have children?"

This is hard. All of it.

[meo92953]

Originally Posted by ClaraC

OP, I think you need to come up with a quick phrase to answer this question, and then allow the person who just has kind of idle or polite interest to move on to another topic. From friends I have who have lost children, this is what they've learned to do - and you shouldn't feel disloyal to your son for doing it.

When asked if you have children, you can just say "Yes, I had a son and he died of complications from diabetes. How about you? Do you have children?"

This is hard. All of it.

Actually I normally do say something like this. It's only holidays, Mothers Day is obvious, Thanksgiving isn't too bad, Christmas is not fun at all. I manage the rest of the time.

[coschristi]

I don’t want to start a new thread (somebody might ... see it) So I’m just going to post here, cause I’m a mom. And 25 years ago today (now yesterday); my little girl died. The poem I always ‘hear’ in the back of my mind when I think about her, is Rise Up Slowly, Angel. Author unknown.

Rise up, slowly, Angel, I cannot let you go.
Just drift softly midst the faces, in sorrow now bent low.

Ease the searing anger, born in harsh unyielding truth,
that death could steal my loved one, from the glowing blush of youth.

Rise up, slowly, Angel. do not leave me here alone,
where the warmth of mortal essence, lies replaced by cold, hard stone.

Speak to me in breezes, whispered through the drying leaves,
and caress my brow with raindrops, filtered by the sheltering trees.

Rise up, slowly, Angel, for I cannot hear the song
which calls you through the shadows, into the light beyond.

Wrap me in your downy cape, of sunshine warm with love,
and kiss a tear-stained mother's face, with moonlight from above.

Then wait for me at sunset, beside the lily pond,
and guide me safely homeward, to your world, which lies beyond.

Just spread your wings and take me, in reunion's sweet embrace,
and we shall soar, together, to a different time and place... The End.

Ah, so this anniversary was a bit traumatic. Yesterday at 1030 am, my 22 year old daughter went to the dentist to get all four of her wisdom teeth removed.

At 1140am, my phone was ringing. Her vital signs had started to tank as they were wrapping up the procedure & she was being transported to the ER. The couldn’t wake her up. She wasn’t responding at all.

They took her to the same ER where her sister had been declared DOA, exactly 25 years ago. I felt like I was floating walking through the halls. I know what that means, it happened before. When part of you separates & leaves to find them. You can hear it. It’s like a cloth tearing in two.

I remembered how I found out five years later that the MD in charge of the ER that day, had wrapped her in a blanket & held her in his arms. Usually, the techs transport bodies to the morgue but he had told them no ... He carried her himself, in his arms, not on a gurney. I found that out randomly, at work years later in a different hospital when I randomly floated to Pediatrics & worked with a CNA I had met a few times.

We were talking about ‘those patients who you will never forget’. She remembered a little girl, an infant, really; that broke a doctors heart one morning, when she used to work at ‘the other’ hospital in the ER. She said she remembered a young mother falling to the floor when the doctor shook his head & I realized she was talking about me & my Jessica.

Just before 1 pm, my Anastasia woke up. She stayed overnight & she is fine now, although she did lose the feeling in her legs for a while last night.

Okay, I’m done for now, although I refuse to be done for good. My child did not die for me to keep my mouth shut. Her cause of death was not a ‘coincidence’ & neither were the ones like her that came before & after. For those yet to come & in honor of her life; I will not stop. Thanks

[tamiznluv]

What did your little girl die of, coschristie?

[Gerania]

Originally Posted by coschristi

I don’t want to start a new thread (somebody might ... see it) So I’m just going to post here, cause I’m a mom. And 25 years ago today (now yesterday); my little girl died. The poem I always ‘hear’ in the back of my mind when I think about her, is Rise Up Slowly, Angel. Author unknown.



Ah, so this anniversary was a bit traumatic. Yesterday at 1030 am, my 22 year old daughter went to the dentist to get all four of her wisdom teeth removed.

At 1140am, my phone was ringing. Her vital signs had started to tank as they were wrapping up the procedure & she was being transported to the ER. The couldn’t wake her up. She wasn’t responding at all.

They took her to the same ER where her sister had been declared DOA, exactly 25 years ago. I felt like I was floating walking through the halls. I know what that means, it happened before. When part of you separates & leaves to find them. You can hear it. It’s like a cloth tearing in two.

I remembered how I found out five years later that the MD in charge of the ER that day, had wrapped her in a blanket & held her in his arms. Usually, the techs transport bodies to the morgue but he had told them no ... He carried her himself, in his arms, not on a gurney. I found that out randomly, at work years later in a different hospital when I randomly floated to Pediatrics & worked with a CNA I had met a few times.

We were talking about ‘those patients who you will never forget’. She remembered a little girl, an infant, really; that broke a doctors heart one morning, when she used to work at ‘the other’ hospital in the ER. She said she remembered a young mother falling to the floor when the doctor shook his head & I realized she was talking about me & my Jessica.

Just before 1 pm, my Anastasia woke up. She stayed overnight & she is fine now, although she did lose the feeling in her legs for a while last night.

Okay, I’m done for now, although I refuse to be done for good. My child did not die for me to keep my mouth shut. Her cause of death was not a ‘coincidence’ & neither were the ones like her that came before & after. For those yet to come & in honor of her life; I will not stop. Thanks

That's a terrible fright. I'm so sorry that your baby died, and glad that your daughter Anastasia is still here.

[coschristi]

Originally Posted by tamiznluv

What did your little girl die of, coschristie?

She died within 12 hours of receiving the DTP vaccine. That vaccine is no longer used here; it has been replaced with the DTaP. It is still used in many parts of the world.

COD per autopsy results was SIDS. I hate that term; it is not a diagnosis. It literally means that the infant died suddenly from death.

Underwhelming.

Some say that the 'back to sleep' campaign has reduced SIDS deaths, which it has but more recent research has shown that persons with epilepsy who die from seizures in their sleep are much more likely to found lying in the prone position. There is now a 'back to sleep' campaign for adults with Epilepsy.

Meaning, to me at least; that infants did not just start dying in droves because, after 200,000 years of human evolution, mothers were 'doing it wrong' to lay babies on their tummies. Babies started dying in their sleep because 'something' was inducing seizures & they happened to be on their tummies (it's a brain-wave issue).

I know how contentious this issue can get & I know I am at fault for this so I won't yammer on except to say that you know; everybody is different. I can eat peanuts all day long but that would kill other people. Some people will just casually swat a bee away, while I will be in the ER in mere minutes if I'm stung.

To think that all children can handle all very powerful substances is inane & I want it to stop. We can do better.

She was a twin. The contrast in the sight of one pair of kicking, pink legs next to her still, china-white legs is not one my brain will ever be able to unsee. The nightmares where I held my other children only to look down & see them blue & still, plagued my sleep for years & I would wake up screaming. I did drugs. Very, very hard drugs that keep you awake so I could ward off the sleep that brought the nightmares & the reality that while I slept; a child died. I blamed myself.

I lost everything afterward, even my other children temporarily. I left my job as an RN because I was no good at saving anybody, in my mind. I remember sitting bolt upright in my hotel room, the one I slept with men for money in, blinking my eyes & thinking 'Do NOT sleep, don't sleep please don't let me sleep ...' & over the radio comes 'The Arms of an Angel' & Sarah McLaughlin singing:

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear ...

You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

... the irony at the time escaped me. PTSD is both a Godsend & a horror at the same time. Remember me when you see those like I was. The least of us. Sorry for the TMI in this post but this is the Grief forum & this was my grief experience. My child will change the world one day but not by my mincing words or painting a pretty picture & I'm fine with that. Thank you for asking & listening!

[tamiznluv]

Oh, my dear coschristie! I feel devastated by your truth. I just can not imagine. I did not know kids died from the DPT shot. I just never thought about things like that since my kid didn't suffer any side effects from anything.

I always put my baby on her tummy at bedtime. My Mom was an RN and she told me if the baby spit up or threw up, they were less likely to aspirate if they were on the tummy. If I had babies now, I would still do it that way.

Thank you so much for your honesty. You came out on the other side and that is a good thing. (((Hugs)))

[harry chickpea]

Coschristie, sometimes a post will literally stun me with the candid honesty and attempt to use the pain of experience to help others avoid traps. Yours did that. Know that your sharing the effect of that deep loss can, and likely will, help others.

Thank you. Nemaste. I bow to the divine in you.