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The nurse that had treated my dad told my sister and me that the hurt never goes away, but it does get easier to bear, and to keep putting one foot in front of the other. That helped a lot.
I also was lucky enough to have a paranormal experience ... without going into too much detail ... I was having a "conversation" with my dad a few days after he died, when I suddenly felt a tingling and then a calming and peaceful sensation that came up from my toes and moved slowly throughout my whole body. That was my dad telling me he was still there for me.
I remember wanting to have that feeling again ... and again ... but later remembered Dad saying stuff like: "I'm only going to tell you this once ..." LOL
I, too, had a a paranormal experience at the time of my Mom's death--it was my one and only experience of this type.
During the night she died (and at the time she died as far as I could tell, there was a three hour time zone difference), I had a nightmare that my husband had died. The dream was awful and so real, I was crying in my sleep. Then I heard my Mom's voice say to me, and she said the same words to me three times, "If you love someone, they'll never die..." I'd never had a dream where I heard my Mom's voice before. Soon after that, my crying woke me up and I shook my husband awake to make sure he was still alive..and he was. A few hours later, the call came from FL. that my Mom had died in her sleep. Thinking back, my Mom had communicated with me at the time of her death, and also told me how to mourn her...
And a humorous connection to her death was I was grieving deeply and the pain was so immense, it felt as though my heart would shatter...seeking help to deal with this, I called a local non-profit that dealt with death and bereavement..I got their voice mail...I left a message liberally sprinkled with tears....they never returned my call....
I know everyone deals with grief in their own way. One person’s way may seem odd to others but it is their way to come to terms with the loss of a loved one. When my mother passed away in July 2008 I wanted my granddaughter and nephew to take part in celebrating her life. To that end, it was decided to take one of my mothers prized collectables a stuffed clown named “Peggy” and try to send her around the world and have others adopt her and help her along the journey. Peggy was left behind after our trip to Salt Lake City for others to adopt. We made videos and posted them on YouTube and hope others who find “Peggy” will do the same. Making these videos helped in my healing process and it will help my granddaughter and nephew be part of their grandmothers life for years to come. If you are touched by any of the videos on YouTube forward them on, so Peggy's journey will continue. My granddaughter and nephew can track her trip by seeing which country the videos seen in.
This is what helped me along my path of recovery. What funny, sad or odd way did you deal with your grief?
To see one of the videos use this link to see”
“Peggy Goes to Salt Lake City and surrounding area”
My mother passed away unexpectedly at age 56 from a massive heart attack in November 2005. It wasn't until the last 5-6 years of her life did she start learning about her Native American heritage....so after her death we had a Sacred Fire that burned for four days straight, only positive thoughts/comments allowed within the Sacred Circle. During her service...we passed one of her eagle feathers and got to tell everyone a great memory of my mother. It was a very healing experience, much more so than any funeral I've attended with my Christian-based upbringing. (I'm not knocking the faith...I'm just making a point, so please no rude replies regarding that).
I still struggle with it, but it helps that I keep her close and "talk to her" daily. It gets easier every day, but it is still hard. I work with a lot of cardiac patients every day (I'm an ICU nurse)....and have often wondered "Why Mom and not this person?"....but I think that there's a reason for everything....there's a reason I work where I do. I think that's helped in my healing process as well.
My father passed away suddenly when I was 9. Emotionally it didn't really affect me as much as people had thought it would,perhaps because we never spent alot of time together. Soon after that I became concerned that something would happen to my mother and that probably would have affected me more because she was more nurturing.
Anyway I think it was better in a way it happened earlier(not that early though),I think it's harder when you've known them longer.
Both my parents passed away suddenly..I was 25 when my father died and 39 when my mother went. The hardest part for me is that I never felt as if we'd communicated as three adults. I always felt like the 'kid' and I think now that it was more to do with the sort of person I was, even though I know we are always the 'child' to our parents.
After my mom died, I started having dreams in which the 3 of us were together, and chatting as 3 adults, not as equals, but differently to how it actually was. I understand so much more now about why they thought the way they did, and would've liked to have shown them this. Hopefully they know somehow.
And now I've made myself cry.
What got to me after my father died was all the stuff I found out about his experiences as a soldier in the German Army in WW2. I'd assumed so much, because like most soldiers, he never spoke about it. And I was completely wrong. He really went through hell. My mother went through the depression with her mom and sister..they were a lot tougher than I gave them credit for.
I think realizing all these things was a form of closure/resolution/whatever you want to call it, for me.
Thanks for the thread.
My Mom died in 1999 and I still miss her every day. I still talk to her and buy a gift for her every now and then, a what-not that I see that I know she would like. I know she is with me ever day but I never stop missing her.
Mom died of cancer and we kept her at home. Me and my sister took care of her until the end. Hospice wasn't called in until 3 days before she died. Taking care of Mama as she was dying was some of the best times she and I ever had. I would get in the shower with her and we would act like a couple of kids in there and have a ball. We would sit on the porch in the evening and talk about things, kid and joke with each other. She told me many times she had a great life and was ready to "go". I would discuss her dying with her openly (where my sister couldn't), I pre-arranged her service and told her what I had planned for her and where we were going to bury her and she got excited that she was going to be close to my brother who had died several years before. Those were some of the best times we ever had and we were closer than we ever were.
I still have Mama's cat that she loved dearly and feel like I still have a piece of Mama's heart with me. Boo stayed by her side until the end and was laying on her chest when she died. We had to remove her when they came to take Mama away and I talk to her about Mama all the time.
Nothing in life prepares you for the loss of your parent but I do not grieve for that loss. I was at peace with her dying and her death.... I just miss her!
What you did was a great idea! I know she is looking down, laughing her butt off at what you are doing bragging "That's my baby!"
That cat! I inherited my mother's cat as well. Boy, that cat! A personality like my mother! Sometimes I love on the cat in hopes to get a glimpse of the smell of my mom- it's faded now though.
That cat! I inherited my mother's cat as well. Boy, that cat! A personality like my mother! Sometimes I love on the cat in hopes to get a glimpse of the smell of my mom- it's faded now though.
There are times when I can still smell my mom's scent as I walk through my house or am riding in my car....it always makes me smile (and brings a tear to my eye). I didn't inherit any cats....but it may sound strange, I think she "comes to see me" every once in a while (that's why I can smell her). My husband thinks I'm crazy because he doesn't smell it...but to me, it's like she's right there.
There are times when I can still smell my mom's scent as I walk through my house or am riding in my car....it always makes me smile (and brings a tear to my eye). I didn't inherit any cats....but it may sound strange, I think she "comes to see me" every once in a while (that's why I can smell her). My husband thinks I'm crazy because he doesn't smell it...but to me, it's like she's right there.
anyone else experience that?
I would only say, that many people believe , the sense of smell is a very common experience with being visited from the spirit world. So in my opinion, you aren't crazy at all. Welcome the times she visits and cherish the times when she was alive!
Both my parents died. My dad died at 58 when I was 23. My mom died 6 years later and I was 29. It really was awful. With my dad, I was still pretty young.....my mom it really hit home knowing this was it. I had no more parents to help guide, shape and advise me! I always felt a little insecure after that and also like an orphan! It was soo final after my mom died. I wish I could have said, hey mom, look, I am having twins !(at the time I had found out I was preg. with twins)...She would have been over the moon and I feel ripped off in a way that she and my dad couldnt be a part of it. I see some women ***** about their parents over petty things. What I wouldn't give to have one of mine back here on Earth to hear them and see them!
Someone once told me. Time does heal. They had lost their mom and all the guy said to me was time will heal. It does....it gets a little easier....but you NEVER forget. I think about my mom and dad daily. Holidays still are emotional at times even if it's been 14-20 yrs. since they have passed.
I also went to a grief support group for my mom. It helped and then I stayed on to help others get through their grief. I then went back to school to get my Bachelor's Degree so kept busy too....I knew they would be proud when I threw up my cap at the graduation ceremony at the University!
I also had vivid dreams of them after they both passed. With my Dad, he died from cancer and had really suffered as it left a terrible image in my mind how bad he looked at the end...BUT that night after he died, I had a dream that I saw him and he looked totally well and was never sick before! he looked rosy and healthy. From there on, I felt relieved almost knowing he was up in Heaven and had no more sickness or pain!!
With my Mom, I also had a dream, delayed though, about 4 months after she died, I dreamt that she was in my dream and I saw her in it healthy and new again! She looked wonderful. All I can do is say "Mom"! in the dream happily, and she said, "I am healed" 3 times to me. That was it. I knew I was not afraid to die after that and it got a little easier knowing she was in a better place!
It is hard no matter how long it's been to lose a parent. They will always be there for you in spirit. I definitely believe I will see them again one day!
My grandmother always said, "we are only here on vacation!", which is true, I believe!!
Your way to deal with your grief is wonderful. Your hope of one day being in your mom's arms again is touching. To quote you,
"I'm crying as I write this as I miss my mother so much. I do feel orphaned and when the parents pass away - we are next! I so want to go with her, to that better place. But I know my work on earth isn't finished.
How I deal with it? I anticipate being in her arms again."
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