Quote:
Originally Posted by Bagldot
I've had a bad year..... lost my father in June, an aunt in September, and my beloved husband of 27 years passed away 2 weeks ago. I seem to vascillate between grief and numbness. I'm functional, staying busy keeping the household afloat and adjusting. Has anyone found a place on these forums to discuss experiences with grief? I know there is no "normal" for dealing with grief, but wondering how others get through the loss of a spouse?
|
As people have said, there is no one way to get through grief. But I will tell you some things that are helping or have helped me, both while my husband was sick, and after he died.
1. Find people who will listen compassionately to what you have to say. I have a Stephen Minister from church. I also was assigned a "cancer buddy" from the local Cancer Cares organization. I made contact with friends who had been caregivers and who had lost their husbands. Only someone who has lost a beloved spouse can truely understand what this means.
2 In addition, look for a spousal support group, preferably in your age range. My local Hospice had a group for over 50s and a group for younger widows and widowers. People in our age range (I am in my mid 60s) have a whole different experience of the loss than people in their earlier life. The support group gave me so much perspective. It helped me to see the areas in my husband's illness and death that were so much better than they could have been, that were really blessings in the whole process.
3. Give yourself lots of time. Be patient. Sometimes it feels like you would like to just stop hurting. There can be brief distractions from the pain, after a while ( in the first few months for me, distractions just didn't work - my mind could not leave my husband.) But after a while, you will be able to do a few things that would give my mind a rest. Get back into life at what ever rate you want, but do get back in.
4. An unhealthy way to deal with this is to keep yourself constantly distracted so that you have no time to think, cry, integrate this new reality. So understand that you must go through the grief to come out healthy on the other side. You can sometimes delay it, but everyone must experience the grief eventually. This is painful and terribly hard, but we have to fully experience our grief, our saddness, our loss, our anger, our fears and all of it if we want life to re-emerge. Sometimes, if you have those people to talk to as above, those are the ones who can listen to all those feelings and help you to understand and deal with them.
5. It is not a bad idea to get grief counseling. I know it is not necessary for everyone, but sometimes even a few sessions can be part of the system that brings you back to life.
6. As time goes on, keep an open mind. Understand that life is all different now, and could go in directions you didn't anticipate. You can change things if you want, just go slowly. Give lots of time to bigger decisions, including a "cooling off" time, so that you know that they are right, and not based in emotional crisis.
7. Have faith, whatever that means to you. Try to keep one eye on the concept of hope. It is out there even during the darkest times. You can't always envision it, but have faith that someday, you will be able to believe that life will once again hold joy.
Blessings
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Its just the grief I feel
