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I agree with your concern & and I feel for you on this issue..I could not live with a smoker...
But the problem is that there isn't anything you can do until she wants to quit..
You can give an untimatum but be prepared to live with the result...
You might be able to take her with you when you go visit someone
that has had largyngeal cancer and has a stoma where their
larynx(voicebox) used to be...
grossest thing I have ever seen was a man smoking cigarettes through his stoma in his neck..
My apologies for assuming.
I've talked to people about this and it always turns into a huge difference of opinion between smokers, non-smokers, and "rights".
But this isn't about rights. It's about a happy marriage. And hopefully a long one, but that could change if she continues and dies. And an addiction.
I feel for you, but I really don't think there's anything you can do. She has to want to quit and she has to truly want to quit for herself and not for anyone else to succeed.
I waited a lot of tables in college and everyone at the restaurant smoked. One night we were hanging out drinking and I decided to try it...bad idea. I've done it on and off for about 10 years. I'll quit for a couple years, then something will happen and I'll start it up again. I hate myself every time I do it, but I'm determined this time it's for good.
She knows it's bad for her, she knows you hate it, she knows she should quit. There's nothing you can tell her she doesn't already know. She just doesn't want to quit, period. It sucks for her and it sucks for you, but I feel like you knew this about her going in and harping on her to quit is only going to breed resentment in your relationship because until she decides she really wants to quit there's nothing in the world you can do or say that will make her.
I don't like the fact that she is sneaking around doing it. I think if you bring it up that is where you start, but be gentle, if that's possible when talking to a smoker (I know the attitude well, unfortunately). You need her to be honest with you first. Since she isn't smoking in the house or around you there isn't much you can do but let her continue to smoke until she decides she doesn't want to anymore. If that day isn't going to come, maybe you can talk her into researching a lower risk product like an ecig. There are several on this forum that quit smoking with an ecig. They work for lots of people.
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