Moving Junior year teen to Westford/Acton- NEED HELP

[Idontwanttocheckmymessage]

As a parent of a child who was at ABRHS during the time of the suicide cluster several years back, I do not blame the school. The initial reaction was to blame the “pressure cooker” environment that comes with being at a top ranked school. We all wondered about it. However, I think, and hope, that most of us have now come to understand that teen and young adult suicide is a far more complicated issue. The Globe article referenced above is particularly insightful and heartbreaking. I now have a child who attends a mid-ranked MA high school where a student committed suicide earlier this year. It’s devastating to know that the risk for suicide in this age group is more prevalent today no matter where the child attends school. It can happen anywhere — in any school, in any community, in any family.

[5pyg1a55]

Originally Posted by hken

Moving at high school age is just hard and I think a kid's success at that point will be more driven by their personality vs any specific school in the metrowest that has a good reputation.

This, after the comments that say 'don't move'.
I'm older now, but grew up in Mass, very unstable childhood moving every other year- I attended 3 elementary schools, three middle schools and three high schools in multiple towns. Moving gets hard in the middle school years, and absolutely worse in high school. This left me more or less a permanent 'social orphan', never fitting in anywhere. So as soon as I was able I moved as far away as possible, to a large city filled with 'orphans', so to speak.

It won't matter where you live or where your kid goes to school, there's probably going to be rough times ahead.

You're 3 days in... it will get worse before it gets better, if it ever does. Sorry to say.
It might be a good idea to try and help your kid to stay in touch and visit with their old friends as often as humanly possible. And if they act out, try and be as understanding as possible (they may do complete crap things, and things you might not understand, but it will likely be their way of venting). Their grades may drop. They will likely exhibit some symptoms of depression. They may start acting out in and/or out of school, etc...

All the best <3

[5pyg1a55]

Originally Posted by idontwanttocheckmymessage

as a parent of a child who was at abrhs during the time of the suicide cluster several years back, i do not blame the school. The initial reaction was to blame the “pressure cooker” environment that comes with being at a top ranked school. We all wondered about it. However, i think, and hope, that most of us have now come to understand that teen and young adult suicide is a far more complicated issue. The globe article referenced above is particularly insightful and heartbreaking. I now have a child who attends a mid-ranked ma high school where a student committed suicide earlier this year. It’s devastating to know that the risk for suicide in this age group is more prevalent today no matter where the child attends school. It can happen anywhere — in any school, in any community, in any family.

<3

[5pyg1a55]

Originally Posted by watchtube60

Thanks for the response. On Niche.com there are reviews that made me cry. One student had a panic attack and was admitted to the hospital because she didn't get an A+ and was bullied. Another review said that the system is like a prison where people from the same race mingle and you cannot "cross-over" and talk to kids from other races.

What kind of school district is this? Having 9 ratings is nice but what kind of culture are we building in our school systems in the US.

We are not in a good place with this move. Ours is a very conservative family. Real republicans ( not Trump-style republicans though ) I wonder if that will be an issue as well there.

The clique stuff is real in high-performing schools. Your kid is gonna have a hard time.

Most in my family are conservative (though I'm left-leaning Bernie bro myself, along with a handful of cousins. My younger brother is conservative, but none are pro-trump). I don't think people's politics are an issue unless someone makes it so- you'd be surprised how many level headed fiscal conservatives & libertarians there are around here. And that's just fine. No issue, no worries.

It's probably not the school district, but the home environments and pressure placed on the kids by the parents.

Higher-income towns will (this is a generalization) put more heat on their kids to perform well, and this can cross over into the student's social structure and mental health. I graduated from a *public* Mass school where nearly 10% of the graduating class went to Ivy League schools, about 5% Harvard alone. That is unusual. Yet also, this public school had a huge number of teachers with Ph.Ds., which is also unusual. Most colleges don't even have that. And yes, the higher achieving kids did segregate. Kids would also segregate into groups that spoke their native non-English languages. But all the kids segregated into their little groups according to their needs/ interests. That's just what teens do.

What other fears do you have? What are the main complaints your kid is having right now, prior to the move?

[mwj119]

Originally Posted by chicagoliz

These claims made about these schools strike me as bizarre, yet made about almost all of the Boston area schools by someone. I have heard similar accusations (to varying degrees) about many school districts, including the one where we live. My son is a high school junior, and I can say that he is not one of those A+ students, yet has plenty of friends and is not bullied.

Massachusetts is not this wild mecca of intellectualism that either breeds Harvard grads or suicidal tendencies. I think it's pretty crazy that, in general, a public district is somehow pointed to as a root cause of suicide. That there's just so much pressure to be at the top 5%, or even 25% of the class, and without that, you are considered a nobody and an outcast.

Suicide and mental health is a delicate, complex issue that doesn't have a singular cause. I do understand that massive amounts of pressure on a developing brain can assist in anxiety and depression, no doubt. But, even in a district like Lexington and AB, for every one Harvard-bound student, there are three or four that graduate with a 3.2 and go to a State school. They aren't shunned, they're not outsiders.

This whole pressure cooker idea seems to be growing broader and broader, and it's a misrepresentation of what's actually going on.

[KemBro71]

Originally Posted by mwj119

Massachusetts is not this wild mecca of intellectualism that either breeds Harvard grads or suicidal tendencies. I think it's pretty crazy that, in general, a public district is somehow pointed to as a root cause of suicide. That there's just so much pressure to be at the top 5%, or even 25% of the class, and without that, you are considered a nobody and an outcast.

Suicide and mental health is a delicate, complex issue that doesn't have a singular cause. I do understand that massive amounts of pressure on a developing brain can assist in anxiety and depression, no doubt. But, even in a district like Lexington and AB, for every one Harvard-bound student, there are three or four that graduate with a 3.2 and go to a State school. They aren't shunned, they're not outsiders.

This whole pressure cooker idea seems to be growing broader and broader, and it's a misrepresentation of what's actually going on.

Very well put.

I also have to imagine the the pressure/stress of changing high schools in the middle of your junior year would greatly exceed that from being in a high-achieving school overall.