Massachusetts is ranked one of the rudest states in the US (Boston: appointed, homes)

[htfdcolt]

Originally Posted by Bettafish

Maybe it is difficult to make friends when people just "mind their own business"?

Having moved here in my middle age, I would vouch for this. Especially tough if you don't have kids in school.

[bostongymjunkie]

Originally Posted by Bettafish

Maybe it is difficult to make friends when people just "mind their own business"?

Depends on where you are looking for friends. If it's on the subway platform, walking through the Boston Common, or in the supermarket, this may have some truth. If you're not a corporate-type yuppie or college student, friend-making could be a challenge. The socioeconomic and vocational diversity of this town has tanked in my view. It has a very corporate feel. Most of the economic diversity is now in the burbs. This can make it more difficult to meet people with common interests in the city.

[Bettafish]

Originally Posted by htfdcolt

Having moved here in my middle age, I would vouch for this. Especially tough if you don't have kids in school.

It is worse for new immigrants and minorities... unless they try sticking to their "own" people. However, even minorities/immigrants in Boston area are less cohesive.

[bostongymjunkie]

Originally Posted by Bettafish

It is worse for new immigrants and minorities... unless they try sticking to their "own" people. However, even minorities/immigrants in Boston area are less cohesive.

You're comparing this assertion to what? Massachusetts, and particularly Greater Boston has always been a city of many immigrants and their descendants, so I really don't get this notion that anything is "worse" for immigrants. If you want to see provincial, go to places where accents and differences are the exception rather than the norm. This could be more of an issue in certain rural areas west of Worcester but even there, probably less so than some other areas of the US particularly those where difference is the exception. And, historically, most immigrants and other minorities do indeed tribalise whether it's in Boston or elsewhere. But your generalizations don't really surprise me given that you also apparently believe that "rude" is a universally understood reality. It could be difficult for anybody to make friends in a new place if they hold the position that everyone should see the world exactly as they do. Being an immigrant or other minority doesn't make one impervious to narrow mindedness.

[Shrewsburried]

Originally Posted by bostongymjunkie

Depends on where you are looking for friends. If it's on the subway platform, walking through the Boston Common, or in the supermarket, this may have some truth. If you're not a corporate-type yuppie or college student, friend-making could be a challenge. The socioeconomic and vocational diversity of this town has tanked in my view. It has a very corporate feel. Most of the economic diversity is now in the burbs. This can make it more difficult to meet people with common interests in the city.

While I agree Boston has quickly become another 'corporatized' urban area, at least the city offers opportunities to connect with other transplants (depending on one's demographic ... educated skilled labor won't find too much resistance).

Once you enter the 'burbs, making meaningful connections becomes exceedingly difficult regardless of background, and particularly if one has 'unfavorable' qualities for a given town. Strong local job market and high COL means, generally speaking, people neither come or go so their social networks tend to be deeply entrenched. I've seen some peers/coworkers form deep social networks in short order, but they're typically charismatic and come from culturally compatible areas (e.g., NY, NJ, eastern PA, England, France). I've had a few coworkers/clients who relocated from areas of TX, GA, Indiana, Kansas/MO, etc. and they tend to not stick around long as the culture divide and COL wear them thin.

[G-fused]

We're #1!

[lrfox]

Originally Posted by bostongymjunkie

Depends on where you are looking for friends. If it's on the subway platform, walking through the Boston Common, or in the supermarket, this may have some truth. If you're not a corporate-type yuppie or college student, friend-making could be a challenge. The socioeconomic and vocational diversity of this town has tanked in my view. It has a very corporate feel. Most of the economic diversity is now in the burbs. This can make it more difficult to meet people with common interests in the city.

I agree to an extent. Though having grown up in and around Metro Boston, I still find the suburbs and exurbs to be more insular than the city in spite of the fact that you're likely to find more of a mix of upper, middle, and lower income families (middle barely exists here in the city anymore). Suburbs, by design, create small bubbles for people to exist within (single family lots and homes, private garages, car-oriented businesses, etc.) and create separation between you and your neighbors. Though one advantage is that the 'burbs have higher home ownership rates and are less transient, so people are more likely to at least become acquainted with their neighbors. Though not always.

In both the 'burbs and the city, work and school (your own or your child's) are where you're most likely to pickup new friends. I've never made real friends walking around the city (here or anywhere else I've lived), at bars, restaurants, etc. It's almost exclusively been work or school. My best friends now are friends from high school, college, and a handful through my past and current jobs. We're relatively new in our condo and while we've spoken more with neighbors than we ever did while renting, none are going to be real friends; just acquaintances.

[charolastra00]

I think it's harder to make friends as an adult anywhere you go. You have to work harder at it than the natural friendships that develop in school and college.


I've always made good friends at work, especially since I work at a large workplace so I have lots of opportunities to meet people who I don't work with on a day to day basis (better for friendships). Most of my other friends come from volunteer work. How do people make friends elsewhere?

[bostongymjunkie]

Originally Posted by lrfox

I agree to an extent. Though having grown up in and around Metro Boston, I still find the suburbs and exurbs to be more insular than the city in spite of the fact that you're likely to find more of a mix of upper, middle, and lower income families (middle barely exists here in the city anymore).

This is all certainly true. I wasn't necessarily implying that was easier to make friends in the burbs, but that the socioeconomic diversity from the city-center had diffused to the burbs in my view. Just a general comment about the friends thing, as it relates to inner city Boston. You have to actively seek friends by joining community organizations, social media, recreational activities etc. Friends are not likely to be made randomly on the streets.

I agree with charolastra00 to the extent that an environment of outwardly friendly strangers doesn't amount to a better chance of making true friends, and I prefer that strangers are not in my business as many seem to be in some other regions of the country I've lived in, or spent good amounts of time. Similarly, I couldn't care less about what other people do or how they live their lives. I've also encountered many outwardly "friendly" people who are absolutely treacherous behind people's backs, so I don't use this "friendly" trait as a benchmark of good character.

[BostonBornMassMade]

Originally Posted by Bettafish

It is worse for new immigrants and minorities... unless they try sticking to their "own" people. However, even minorities/immigrants in Boston area are less cohesive.

This is true. I find that minorities in Boston (myself included) are the bulk of the "townies" nowadays and they have a lot of traditional townie attitudes. In addition to this generally, minorities who move to Boston don't move to areas with high numbers of minorities- thus they feel disconnected.

Immigrants on the other hand are really just trying to eke out a living in an ultra-high COL place and usually don't have available time for socialization