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RH1, I know what you are feeling, I have the tense thing going too. Ugh, panic attacks suck. I work so hard on myself to be happy and to try to make others feel better when they are feeling bad with anxiety, but when I get to be like this, I honestly cant calm myself down. Then I get scared that sometrhing else is wrong, even though in the very very back of my brain I know it is just really bad anxiety. My life has been pretty hard this year, with the discovery of my husband many affairs and losing my trust for him, and a us not being able to move like we had talked about, it has been really hard...I feel like my anxiety is getting raised through the roof everyday. It is very hard to loose your best friend (hubby) and realize he isnt the same person and then being blamed for his actions because of my anxiety, and then on some level actually understanding his reasons. So I am pretty down on me. I feel like I cant keep up the false face of me being happy all the time. I am hurt darn it. And I am scared. For some reason, over the last week I have been thinking a lot of my childhood. I dont know why I am trying to make myself feel worse than I do now. So many of us have come from abused childhoods. I am no exception. But why I am thinking about now, I dont know. I just feel lost right now. I dont know if I can handle a really bad anxiety cycle right now. I am really scared. I feel like I cant get off of this chair, like if I walk, I will pass out. I dont know....sorry guys, I am rambling again. I have been doing that a lot recently.
Heavens, don't worry about rambling! I'm sure most of us on here have used this thread for that, and you should be proud that you started it - look at the good it's done everyone!
I wish there was a magic secret that worked for everyone, but it just isn't that simple is it? I find that I can be so objective about how to manage panic when I'm feeling fine, but when those physical symptoms hit it's a different story isn't it? This might sound silly, but have you tried the old cliche breathing into a paper bag? It definitely worked for me at least once.
I didn't realise that was what happened with your husband, I'm so sorry. If you miss a couple of pages in this thread it's hard to catch up. You poor thing, what a nightmare time it sounds like you've had. It's no wonder you're suffering from panic with all that going on. Maybe it just needs to run its course. I'm sure it will fade with time when things settle down and you have time to come to terms with things and heal emotionally.
And I'm sure you know this really, deep down, but nothing of this is your fault. Anxiety is never the fault of the sufferer, and because it's not your fault your husband can't get around his responsibility by foisting any of this off on you. It must be an awful situation because you don't want to end up hating him and festering in that feeling but you certainly don't want to blame yourself instead. That feeling of being torn is apparently an incredibly common cause of anxiety, whatever form it takes. I do hope you manage to find some sort of equilibrium between you soon and move on somehow.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tao
So, just to catch you all up...I went to the doctor today. I had a big anxiety attack before, during and after - I had to take two Xanax before we even got in the car to go then when we got there I was trying to hide it but I felt like I was about to pass out. I was was hot and cold and clammy all at the same time and I felt ill and felt like I couldn't breathe. So I asked for a glass of water and when they took me to the patient room my husband gave me another Percocet and a Flexeril because my pain was starting to worsen. (And after I got home I took two more Xanax and went to bed to sleep it all off because the whole experience was fairly traumatic for me.)
......
Right now what I'm really freaking out about is having to have a new MRI - a closed MRI and I'm really scared I'll freak out from claustraphobia. When I had my initial MRI last year it was partly open - my body was in the MRI tunnel but my head was out...and I had thought it wouldn't be a big deal but it actually freaked me out a bit and was kind of rough. And now I'm having a fully closed MRI so I'm really scared. That should be happening in about a week so please wish me luck and send me good vibes and prayers.
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Poor you tao, I feel for you - ever so well done for going and getting it out of the way. I'm sure the MRI will be fine - Suzette had some good suggestions there. At the end of the day I'm sure they could let you out if you needed to come out though, couldn't they? I'm sure you won't need to though. Can you close your eyes? You could visualise yourself somewhere really nice, like on a beach.
I had an interesting experience this morning. Did I say that I finally bit the bullet and booked a blood test for thyroid problems? Well it was this morning. I've been thinking about it for 2 weeks and I honestly thought I'd got it cracked. I was listening to that relaxation tape last night and I'd decided when I was going to do - I was going to be in a garden and imagine a flower - feeling its petals and smelling it. Right up until the moment I was called in I was OK - bit nervous but under control. As soon as they called me in, I went into the room and burst into tears. The nurse was great, she suggested a breathing technique a bit like one I've come across before, and she let me lie down for it. It stung a bit but I didn't get the weird sensation I normally get and I didn't feel like I was going to pass out, so all in all it was a success. But any ideas about gardens and flowers went clean out of the window as soon as that needle went in! She was saying "keep counting.... you're doing really well... ... don't forget to count... done!" I'm going "What? is that it?"
Right now what I'm really freaking out about is having to have a new MRI - a closed MRI and I'm really scared I'll freak out from claustraphobia. When I had my initial MRI last year it was partly open - my body was in the MRI tunnel but my head was out...and I had thought it wouldn't be a big deal but it actually freaked me out a bit and was kind of rough. And now I'm having a fully closed MRI so I'm really scared. That should be happening in about a week so please wish me luck and send me good vibes and prayers.
I think in your situation going to the hospital to have that done I would be up front with them about your fears and your panic attacks.I'm sure they have seen that plenty of times and for me when I'm able to talk about my panic I feel better,it's in situations where I can't bring it up it escalates.The whole fear of making a fool of myself.
I get panic attacks too, at night. It's why I'm up so often, I have serious trouble sleeping when I am off meds. I almost have a fear of going to sleep at night while off meds because I so often have vivid dreams and wake up with full blown panic attacks, sometimes 2-3 times in one night.
I would go into more detail about my struggle with panic attacks but I am much too exhausted. It's taxing. Klonopin is the only thing that stops them, and I don't have any right now.
People who don't get them cannot possibly understand them, or understand anxiety and agoraphobia.
I get panic attacks too, at night. It's why I'm up so often, I have serious trouble sleeping when I am off meds. I almost have a fear of going to sleep at night while off meds because I so often have vivid dreams and wake up with full blown panic attacks, sometimes 2-3 times in one night.
I would go into more detail about my struggle with panic attacks but I am much too exhausted. It's taxing. Klonopin is the only thing that stops them, and I don't have any right now.
People who don't get them cannot possibly understand them, or understand anxiety and agoraphobia.
I know, it's strange isn't it?
But I'm constantly surprised by the number of people who, when I mention it, will smile with recognition and then blurt out how they've had them too for years or they've just started having them, or had them a few years ago - people you've known for years but not known that about them. It's such a shame that people don't talk about them more often, because it seems frighteningly common.
I can relate to your fear of going to sleep, but fortunately those attacks faded away, miraculously. It was a horrible phase in my life though - I'd end up watching TV for hours in the middle of the night because I was too scared to let myself go back to sleep, and I exhausted myself too.
I finally got rid of them one night when I was so tired I thought "fine, do your worst, if I die then so be it" and let an attack peak and pass. That was the end of it. I've no idea how I did that though, because I never managed it with a waking panic attack - they have needed much more work to tame.
I really hope you can either get more meds or get some sleep soon.
I finally got rid of them one night when I was so tired I thought "fine, do your worst, if I die then so be it" and let an attack peak and pass. That was the end of it. I've no idea how I did that though, because I never managed it with a waking panic attack - they have needed much more work to tame.
(
I think sometimes, after a long period having anxiety or panic attacks the body seems to "help us out" in a way and gives us the means to squash it, I think thats why a lot of us have had experiences where we managed to qwell an attack, quite unexpectedly, or made something go away, but we dont know how.
Ahhh if it were only that simple.
I think night time, for some, can amplify anxiety attacks, while for others, its almost a relief to go to sleep, because you dont have to think, feel, cope with the anxiety for however many hours.
For me, my anxiety ALWAYS peaks when I dont feel good, and I immediately think its something awful and my irrational anxiety will spiral out of control. Sleeping at least gives my mind and body a break from the anxiety and stress.
I nearly had a complete breakdown yesterday due to the fact that I had to go into the large city and use the crosswalks again This is one of the very few things that cause me to panic. I get completely overstimulated by four way stops without a stoplight to cross at. Also, the drivers in my area speed very fast so I have to look multiple directions at the same time just to cross the street
You can tell how much I like large cities
I nearly had a complete breakdown yesterday due to the fact that I had to go into the large city and use the crosswalks again This is one of the very few things that cause me to panic. I get completely overstimulated by four way stops without a stoplight to cross at. Also, the drivers in my area speed very fast so I have to look multiple directions at the same time just to cross the street
You can tell how much I like large cities
I don't like larger cities either so I think moving to this smaller town has helped me a bit.When we lived outside of Columbia SC (which last year was named worst drivers in the US) I would not drive and my husband drove me EVERYWHERE, for 8 years. The few times I did get behind the wheel I got panic attacks. Since we moved here I have been driving back and forth to work myself at first my attacks were horrible,now they are easing and the fleeting thought of panic attacks while driving enter my mind and I have been able to control them and they are on a scale of 1-10...10 being the worst are about a 3,when they were what I call a 10.I want to venture longer distances and I will eventually I know but I want to completely conquer what's on my plate now.I am succeeding but in my own baby steps and I'm ok with that...because it feels good that I'm making progress.
I do get them at other times too,fought off panic when I was getting my hair cut and colored yesterday.I have no idea why I got one.
I also confronted another one,a few months back I had a bad one at AppleBees and my husband and I had to get our food to go.I was fearing going in there again well March 25th my husbands birthday we went there,the panic tried to taunt me but I did ok.
I do have a test next weekend I have a 2 day management class to attend and I keep worrying about having an attack there...sooo yeah we will see what happens.
Yesterday and today have been the kind of days that would have left me paralyzed with panic but I am able to think straight and keep myself calm and coming up with a plan to get myself out of the present situation.
I got the call yesterday that the MRI was scheduled for today. I was surprised - it's all happening a lot faster than I thought it would.
So...I had the MRI today and it went suprisingly well! I took my pain meds plus 1 mg of Xanax as usual in the morning then called the MRI people to ask a few questions - the lady who spoke to me was really nice and really helped put my mind at ease.
When it came time for my husband to drive me to the hospital, as a preemptive measure, I took 2 more mgs of Xanax (3 hours after my morning dose) and held onto my blue aragonite palm stone the whole time to keep me calm - it might sound weird to some people but for some reason blue aragonite completely calms me. Before we left I dabbed some lavender oil on my wrists and my neck, which is a scent I always find soothing. I also brought along some cds in the hopes that they'd let me listen to music during the MRI.
After I signed in I told them about my anxiety disorder and they said my husband could stay in the room with me which was great. They also said I could hold my blue aragonite crystal during the MRI, which I did. After they brought us into the MRI room and I looked at the MRI machine and the technician told me where my head would be, I quickly asked my hubby for another 1 mg of xanax! LOL! But it helped. I let it dissolve under my tongue the whole time during the MRI. They gave me headphones and I picked my favorite CD that I had brought then I got in position on the table. The technician put a sort of eye mask (it was actually a folded dry washcloth) over my eyes and asked if that would help. I said , "Yes!" So the music started and the machine started moving me inside the MRI tunnel. And it was ok! I was fine and actually felt quite relaxed. The eye mask and music helped, as well as the Xanax that was still dissolving under my tongue throughout the whole MRI.
Afterwards we went out to lunch and then went home and I had a long nap.
My mom is coming on Friday because the surgery could be as soon as next week. Next Wednesday (a week from today) I'll be meeting with my surgeon to go over the MRI and then she'll schedule the surgery. The receptionist said it could be as soon as the next day, but definitely either Thursday or Friday of next week or any day the week after.
I just can't wait for the whole thing to be done with! So I'm feeling a lot better and more hopeful. I'm not too anxious about the actual surgery yet (I'm sure I'll probably be nervous on the day). I'm ready for it!
Thanks everyone who sent me messages and even just good vibes and thoughts. I appreciate it so much and it does help! If we keep sticking together in this thread and send good vibes and wishes out to each other I think things will turn around for us all.
Peace, love, and serenity,
tao
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. I am really scared. I feel like I cant get off of this chair, like if I walk, I will pass out. I dont know....sorry guys, I am rambling again. I have been doing that a lot recently. 
She was saying "keep counting.... you're doing really well... ... don't forget to count... done!" I'm going "What? is that it?" 
