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Ok, this is coming from personal experience: you're not ready to date. Work on yourself, first, becoming the kind of person you want to be. I'm just stating the obvious. But I've also been down...and when you're on your back, there's nowhere to go but up Once you get closer to where ya' want to be in life, you should be able to open up more to women, and attract the kind of woman that you desire.
Dude!!!!
Focus on the positive in your life. You've gotten yourself in better shape and you're healthier. This is a huge accomplishment and I know that it's not easy.
You have a job. It may not be your dream job.... Keep learning and getting the experience you need for something better.
You have a choice- be positive or dwell on what's negative.
What say you??
Depression isn't just something you "snap out of" or "get over it". "Sucking it up" doesn't heal depression. And no, you're not "too young" to feel bad about life, it happens to everyone. Someone in their early 20s who has had a disappointing and stressful life has been through a lot more than someone who is middle-aged and has gotten everything they wanted and has had the sun shining on them every day.
The great thing is that you can see that there's a problem. So work on improving your life and deal with whatever you're feeling before trying to date. See a therapist if you need to.
We all get beaten down by life. It's just a matter of how you are going to get back up. Do you have any support group? I heard (most) women have plenty of these but what about men? What about you? I read somewhere that men usually withdrawn and get all depress, no support. Do you have a guy friend or someone you trust? Do you write journals? I heard it helps you to process.
Everyone here is saying that he is too young to feel the way he feels but I completely disagree because I often feel the same way he does. Im 24 by the way.
I honestly think its where we are in our age bracket.This is a lonely time, still trying to get ourselves together, figure out who we are, what we want, its hard. And not easy like some people make it out to be. I'm sorry you feel this way maybe go to therapy or something, thats what I've been doing. Good luck.
Oh, yes, I had an abusive alocoholic father and an enabling mother who was so paranoid I'd knock up my (get this) 7th grade gf, she broke us up, and the irony is that in HS she DID get pregnant by some jerk - -and the further irony is that a week before that I was the one to lecture my gf that there would be no sex before marriage (and yes, it was love at first sight at 8 and we did know that we would be getting married when we turned 18 or so).
Of course after that trauma (we were lied to by both set of parents that the other person fell out of love) I never dated in HS, I did not so much as flirt or talk to a girl when she was by herself - only when in groups of boys and girls together.
And then in college I got burned by my first gf who dropped me because I was not old enough to buy booze and then the next gf I ever had sex with fooled around on me behind my back (during Christmas vacation); then a semester later a guy in college who had a key to my place (I had sympathy on him because he lived with his grandmother -his parents were both dead) took this girl to my place (a girl who had turned me down for a date), and when a college class got cancelled I caught them in my bed. Others might have killed someone, I had a nervous breakdown. I was a worthless POS; people turn me down and sleep in my bed to rub it in my face, so I must be a POS, right? there could be no other explanation, that I was DOOMED to have sadists rub it in my face, sadists who didn't even KNOW me at ALL. All the luck went to OTHER people, primarily sociopaths, liars and the WICKED.
After that point I did not so much as flirt with any women or even give any woman eye contact for about 4 years. Then I moved to L.A. for music and there were "loose" chicks all around, so that kind of built me up again. Much later in my life after a horrible divorce I ran into some abusive "troll" women who sensed my spirit and stomped on me for laughs (out of the blue). One of them threatened my life just because "all men should die".
And although I have had marriages and several gfs and I'm not at a loss to connect with someone on my own level (musician, intellectual, smart, well-educated, humble, likes sports, etc.) I will have to say my early defeats cast a very long shadow over my life; it has taken literally decades to get out of feeling "as good as everyone else but with rotten luck", or worse, at my darkest moments: "persecuted by God perhaps for past life karma" or "receiving stumbling blocks put up by others for no apparent reason except they can".
Just don't let it possess your soul like I did. and do NOT believe you are unworthy. And don't be around fair-weather friends or anyone with even a hint of being abusive, a bully, someone who would not walk a little old lady across the street, etc. Better to sit on a mountaintop and contemplate things than to be in the middle of that. And for God's sake stand up for yourself! Assert who you are! Be proud of it! Claim your fair share, do not be a doormat to make anyone feel better.
Wow this brought out a bunch of painful feelings, I thank you for helping me get back in touch with them.
Last edited by Doctor Blues; 10-03-2011 at 03:00 AM..
Reason: typos
I think it will end when I have more money and out of the whole I'm in. 1600$ a month would cause deppresion. I need to change that to 16,000 a month to be happy. You can't live life without money. I'm working to survive I think thats why I'm really depressed.
You're making your own unhappiness.
It's all a choice, you know.
You're young and have to work your way up in the world, just like everything else.
Did your parents coddle you and now you have to see what the world is about? If so, they did you no favor.
Well getting beaten down by life made me very bitter and it also sucked away any personality I had. I have no charisma, or no "mojo".
Even though I'm doing ok for 23 especially in this type of economy I'm not where I want to be in life and it had a psychological effect. I knew that it did but I had no idea the extent in which it did.
For example I would try to flirt with a girl but in the back of my mind I was still miserable. So I forced a smile and awkward body language would show instead of a natural smile and relaxed body language.
Stress ways me down as well. Women sense this and high tail it out of there. So I guess the saying is true, you have to be happy with yourself first before you can make someone else happy.
I don't know if any other guys went through the same thing or is going through the same thing.
I have to get myself to where I want to be in life before I talk to women because I'm just going to end up turning them off emotionally. I can get plenty of initial attraction but it means nothing if I'm bringing depression to the table. The thing is I did not realize how miserable I really am for a long time or how angry, sad, and mean I come off.
My life was messed up for far longer than yours has been, and still is to an extent. I used-to only be able to feel sadness when meeting someone that I was attracted to. When you have been mocked repeatedly throughout your life, and told that no-one will ever want you, you start to believe it. You’ve got plenty of time to sort your life out, and it’s not only success that women are looking for.
Oh, yes, I had an abusive alocoholic father and an enabling mother who was so paranoid I'd knock up my (get this) 7th grade gf, she broke us up, and the irony is that in HS she DID get pregnant by some jerk - -and the further irony is that a week before that I was the one to lecture my gf that there would be no sex before marriage (and yes, it was love at first sight at 8 and we did know that we would be getting married when we turned 18 or so).
Of course after that trauma (we were lied to by both set of parents that the other person fell out of love) I never dated in HS, I did not so much as flirt or talk to a girl when she was by herself - only when in groups of boys and girls together.
And then in college I got burned by my first gf who dropped me because I was not old enough to buy booze and then the next gf I ever had sex with fooled around on me behind my back (during Christmas vacation); then a semester later a guy in college who had a key to my place (I had sympathy on him because he lived with his grandmother -his parents were both dead) took this girl to my place (a girl who had turned me down for a date), and when a college class got cancelled I caught them in my bed. Others might have killed someone, I had a nervous breakdown. I was a worthless POS; people turn me down and sleep in my bed to rub it in my face, so I must be a POS, right? there could be no other explanation, that I was DOOMED to have sadists rub it in my face, sadists who didn't even KNOW me at ALL. All the luck went to OTHER people, primarily sociopaths, liars and the WICKED.
After that point I did not so much as flirt with any women or even give any woman eye contact for about 4 years. Then I moved to L.A. for music and there were "loose" chicks all around, so that kind of built me up again. Much later in my life after a horrible divorce I ran into some abusive "troll" women who sensed my spirit and stomped on me for laughs (out of the blue). One of them threatened my life just because "all men should die".
And although I have had marriages and several gfs and I'm not at a loss to connect with someone on my own level (musician, intellectual, smart, well-educated, humble, likes sports, etc.) I will have to say my early defeats cast a very long shadow over my life; it has taken literally decades to get out of feeling "as good as everyone else but with rotten luck", or worse, at my darkest moments: "persecuted by God perhaps for past life karma" or "receiving stumbling blocks put up by others for no apparent reason except they can".
Just don't let it possess your soul like I did. and do NOT believe you are unworthy. And don't be around fair-weather friends or anyone with even a hint of being abusive, a bully, someone who would not walk a little old lady across the street, etc. Better to sit on a mountaintop and contemplate things than to be in the middle of that. And for God's sake stand up for yourself! Assert who you are! Be proud of it! Claim your fair share, do not be a doormat to make anyone feel better.
Wow this brought out a bunch of painful feelings, I thank you for helping me get back in touch with them.
I have a daughter with learning disabilities, OCD, and depression. She had it hard growing up in a home of scholars and college graduates. She is now 25 and still struggles, mostly with the OCD, going over and over the same negative thoughts... Medication helps but it ain't perfect, but you should get yourself assessed for that. There is hope! Try to stay away from the ppl that make you feel like zero, and hang with positive-minded happy folk if you can. Volunteering at a VA center could also help you feel like you have self-value, and YOU DO!
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Once you get closer to where ya' want to be in life, you should be able to open up more to women, and attract the kind of woman that you desire.
You make your own unhappiness.
Beaten down
