The dark individual hidden inside of me (therapy, obsession, cold)

[jasper12]

I am glad that you are finding more things to do, and spending less time at the computer. Best wishes to you on your new found adventures.

[Coolhand68]

Could be something simple as the nature of internet forums and how easy it is to blurt out hostile remarks and sarcasm to faceless strangers who are easy targets. It's easy to allow your dark side to come out when there are no immediate consequences. I think it's easier to insult or hurt someone when you don't have to look them in the eye, or we sometimes don't realize how our comments will be received or perhaps don't give it enough thought.

You've obviously been struggling with some other issues in real life which can and can result in hostility, be it through snapping at a loved one or direct or veiled insults on internet forums. My one suggestion would be to avoid the forums if you're in a bad mood. I've been guilty of this myself, and I notice the tone of my posts and how different they can be depending on my mood at the time of posting. Sometimes you just need to find the inner discipline to step away from the keyboard.

There's a line that goes "Think twice, post once". Next time, try to think about what you're about to commit to a post before you click "post reply". Think how you would receive your own words if they were spoken to you.

Meanwhile, don't beat yourself up to hard. Chalk it up to growing pains and gradual self-awareness. So long as you are now aware and working on it, you can go forward in a more positive approach. There are still going to be bad days and times where the sarcastic humor comes along, but try to use the sarcastic humor in a way that there are no victims. Challenge your intellect and creative side to come up with humorous posts that aren't at others expense. We all know you have it in you.

[JustJulia]

Ant, if you meet a scrappy guy who claims to sell soap, run away.

[D217]

Originally Posted by North Beach Person

And what exactly is wrong with the Dark Side?

What dark side?!




Welcome back Antlered Chimichanga.

[Basiliximab]

Originally Posted by Coolhand68

There are still going to be bad days and times where the sarcastic humor comes along, but try to use the sarcastic humor in a way that there are no victims.

Well that's just the point of sarcasm--there's always a victim. What are you going to be sarcastic about then without one, the weather? Yet I may be a bit biased in that since I tend to enjoy that type of humor.

[Coolhand68]

Originally Posted by Basiliximab

Well that's just the point of sarcasm--there's always a victim. What are you going to be sarcastic about then without one, the weather? Yet I may be a bit biased in that since I tend to enjoy that type of humor.

True, but you can be sarcastic without being hurtful. It's all in the tone and context and whether or not it is appropriate. If someone just announced that a loved one died or they lost their job, that isn't the time to use sarcasm or try to get a laugh at their expense.

You can also use sarcasm in a self-deprecating manner to exhibit some humility from time to time.

[jasper12]

I have a tendency to be blunt. Perhaps it is because all day long, I have to be politically correct, understanding, and therapuetic. At night, I just tell people the way it is. Wish I could be that way all the time.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka

I was recently sent on a forced 10 day vacation and I returned today. You probably guessed what may have happened LOL.

So, here's something for all ye mental experts to chew on and make an analysis of the Antlered Chamataka situation.

I have a reputation on this website. Many people will agree about the air of arrogance that oozes out of my postings. Sarcasm reaches un-scaleable levels. Had no trouble or regrets mocking people. Projecting my existential authority on people. Once I made an acrimonious remark about a guy who I mocked that I was spending his monthly salary on my groceries alone. So you get the gist, I was trying to be the best jerk, fat people basher etc.,

While in the real world, there was this wholly different person. I am not sure which one the alter-ego is. In the real world, the Antlered Chamataka:

1. Embraces dirty homeless people.
2. Buys food for random hungry strangers and drives miles trying to find them
3. Very friendly to all and sundry
4. Quite religious
5. Very positive personality
6. People love him at work
7. Women find him charming
8. Very successful at his job
9. Loves music and animals
10. Loves his family
11. Absolutely empathizes and socializes with the not-so-fortunate people
12. Embraces the downtrodden like day labourers, illegal immigrants and homeless people
13. Men find him friendly and call him the funniest guy. They say, "Oh man, he cracks me up". That's an actual quote.

In short, a completely different personality. But when I come on here, the underlying, hidden, bitter and acrimonious dark villain inside me takes over. It almost feels like this dark character is not being exercised in real life and he's found a channel to free himself and the channel is "city-data". It almost feels like this dark energy had to be released here, for the positivity to flourish in my offline life.

Some people called it immaturity. Well, if it were immaturity, it would effuse in offline life too. And believe me, there have been some incidents where I have been mean in offline life, like everyone else, but it's so contained and rare that it's negligible. Everybody's mean at some point.

Three events recently contributed to the steepening of my internal villain crisis.
1. I bet on Uranium and face steep losses with the sudden earthquake and nuclear crisis in Japan. It destroyed my outlook on life, my love life, suddenly I lost confidence in me. I started having doubts if I could save myself and my woman, buy a house for us etc.,
2. A painful split with my then fiancee. Pain on both sides and sudden bout of personal anger.
3. Running into a rouge-cou on City-Data who ridicules me for being Indian, scoffs me for immigrating to America and contributing to America's unemployment. Goes on to scoff our way of life in the East, slumdog-hood, vegetarian diet and basically demolishes my ego. This was the worst of all, as it sent a cannon ball into my chest and it went out the other way. This was also critical as it totally increased the dark villain in me 10 times. And it sought to aggrandize my mental outlook on 1 and 2.

Now on to the forced vacation and what I achieved in the 10 days.

1. More time.
2. No endless posting. More time.
3. No rep comments. No angry rep comment receiving and taking pride at it. More time.
4. No angst. No pressure. No threads. More and more time for the real world.
5. Off to bed by 10:30 sharp and woke up by 5:30. Regular seven hour naps.
6. Three hour workouts. Discovered the Versa Climber. It does to my body in 15 minutes what the stepmaster does in 45. The flab in my tummy is shrinking to insane levels. It's almost gone.
7. Going to the train station "in" time. Spending a nice breakfast in the coffee restaurant, enjoying fall weather. The woman who makes my egg white sandwich resembles my grandma.
8. More time. Increased efficiency in trading. Increased due diligence and investment research.
9. Joined a lot of meetup groups and suddenly made several friends in the course of 2 weekends. Lot of text buddies. Women
10. No room for being bitter and negative, when offline life continued with the general positive outlook that mostly prevailed.

This is not a thesis against the concept of C/D. The owners of this site don't mandate such incessant posting. It's a choice the members make. Internet addiction. And it wasn't like I had no offline life. I have a very colourful and busy offline life, yet I "made time for C/D", can anyone relate with this? It became a sort of entertainment, like Roman gladiatorial obsession. Well, I may not leave the site, I'm simply amazed at how life turned otherwise with the sudden disappearance of the channel for the dark individual inside me and it feels like he's been forever contained, for now.

I don't know how it feels like for other people. How C/D affects their mental psyche. I'd like to know your perspective. And I'd also welcome the thoughts about my situation.

I'll still hang around, but I have rediscovered offline life and wanted to announce it. I like the dark individual contained. He does get out, he gets out in the place that matters the most - the gym. The energy and anger is transferring directly on to the endurance and perseverance. And that's how it should be

I have always seen you for who you really are - you never fooled me, my friend

Nice post.

[Currency Pair Crocodile]

Originally Posted by SkiScree

Floating my resume? You obviously have not a clue what a resume entails. The point of letting you know my main aspect of study was to avoid an avenue for you to be condescending by letting you know I acually know what I'm talking about but, alas, look who's centering vacation is already coming undone?

Just letting you know your self-diagnosis of some mental health breakthrough has nothing to do with mental health as much as it is about a functional adult knowing the difference between being a dick and spending too much time on the internet and having the common sense to tone it down a bit and act like more of who they are in the real world.

I'm sure you're a great guy, btw. Threads like this just irk the hell out of me for some reason.

Dude, what is your deal? I'm not sure why you come across some anonymous thread to run your mouth about your "nine" years of psychology. If it makes you feel better, I am impressed and am honoured to be in conversation with the post-microwave fried chicken era incarnation of Sigmund "the stud" Freud

If my thread i-i-i-irks you so bad, I'm really really sorry I'm not really sorry.

[Currency Pair Crocodile]

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

I have always seen you for who you really are - you never fooled me, my friend

Nice post.

Thank you, Loves