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I am sorry but I have no place else to share this. I really don't want to call anyone, there is no one in town I could even go see. I got bad news about something I thought would help me survive. I thought it would help support me but I just found out it won't happen (I really don't want to share what it was... too personal. It is enough to say it would have taken care of my needs). I am not getting it. :-[
I have no one to talk to. I don't want to reach out. I feel like I am done reaching out. I feel like I have nothing, am nothing, life doesn't matter. I won't do something crazy, I know. But crazy is how I am feeling.
I.do.not.know.what.to.do. I want to give up. Can't I give up? Really? I don't see the point of me (sorry, but that is how I feel).
<-- he is too melodramatic but will have to do.
I don't want to go home. I don't have any place to go. Sigh
No, you can't just give up. Maybe tomorrow things will look better. Maybe not, but you never know. You don't want to go home--but that means you do have somewhere to go even though you don't want to. Some people don't even have that.
No, you can't just give up. Maybe tomorrow things will look better. Maybe not, but you never know. You don't want to go home--but that means you do have somewhere to go even though you don't want to. Some people don't even have that.
I know you are right, I know I have blessings (that I am grateful for) that I should not take for granted. But I have huge holes in my life that I cannot fill. I am so tired of being unable to fill them. That makes me want to give up.
I found this shortly after first seeing your thread. I hope there might be something that gives you hope, or some perspective. I am sorry that you are having a bad time, and hope that you will get thru whatever it is that has you so down. And, you will give encouragement to others by sharing your insights. There are folks that will benefit from your talent at sharing your thoughts, and cheering others up. I see that you are very well liked among other posters. I found this in another thread, I believe when we don't have the answers sometimes a higher power gives us something to share. I am hoping this is helpful, or at least gives you some inspiration. Hang in there, life is full of ups and downs. The downs are so that we can appreciate the ups! 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself
I know you are right, I know I have blessings (that I am grateful for) that I should not take for granted. But I have huge holes in my life that I cannot fill. I am so tired of being unable to fill them. That makes me want to give up.
I know what you mean about holes in life, I also think that being alone trying to deal with them can be overwhelming especially when dealing with depression issues. I just said today, seems like all I ever say is I have to keep trying and the same problems remain open ended as without any signs of resolution. So I do understand your frustration. I wish you had a pet, I think that would help in regards to the loneliness and feeling you have someone that loves and needs you.
You might feel better if you had a computer at home again, the internet at least gives me the opportunity to read, watch movies and interact here on c/d. I do have an older lap top, I was going to see if it would be possible to upgrade it, cuz its pathetically slow now. But if that's possible you can have it. It's an IBM ThinkPad. Maybe I can ask on the computer section of c/d. I'd be glad to upgrade it and ship it to ya, if it can be done.
I hope you are able to rest this evening and tomorrow will look some better.
Last edited by Green Irish Eyes; 12-15-2011 at 04:17 PM..
Reason: Edited out personal information
Wildflower,
Consider possibilities... We each find many different ways to "survive."
I believe in your ability to find a better way to survive. Believe in yourself.
Just know, for what it's worth, that this is a very difficult time for many, many people.
Though your story is unique (and it sounds like it is extreme) you are not alone in the sense that we're all in this (even though it doesn't seem to be so) together.
It's good that you at least reach out on city-data-forum.
It's virtual and nothing compares to having support in the "real world" but i have witnessed a lot of kindness and compassion on the mental health forum and so though no-one here knows you there are other people here who are connecting with you and hoping that you will be o.k..
Love works wonders so know that even though you're alone there is love in the universe.
Try to open to it (very difficult when we're in a state of darkness and despair).
I have learned in the last few months that a few different people that i assumed were fine and dandy are actually suffering deeply and even questioning whether or not they want to stay on the planet, ie; they're suicidal.
They have everything they need and could possibly want materially speaking and yet they are in deep pain for their own particular reasons.
It may sound hokey but according to various spiritual "streams" this is a do or die phase in human history and we just need to hang on and hang in there.
It's my sense (or maybe just my hope .... or both) that things will be turning around in the days to come but the turn is like a huge ocean-liner.
The process of turning is not as on a dime.
The visual of that analogy is helpful to me.
Hang in there. You're loved .. we all are even though we may not be aware of that truth.
Jaijai,
Well, put. You've got me thinking...
I wonder what is needed at this time... mental-health-wise.
I think we need a balance between stark truth & enjoyable fantasy.
... And to balance learning from past & preparing for future...& appreciating the moment.
Balance between doing & thinking... & to realize that our thoughts dictate how we feel, how we act & the cycle repeats.
We need to learn to manage our thoughts better... so we relieve stress, instead of add to it.
Jaijai,
Well, put. You've got me thinking...
I wonder what is needed at this time... mental-health-wise.
I think we need a balance between stark truth & enjoyable fantasy.
... And to balance learning from past & preparing for future...& appreciating the moment.
Balance between doing & thinking... & to realize that our thoughts dictate how we feel, how we act & the cycle repeats.
We need to learn to manage our thoughts better... so we relieve stress, instead of add to it.
I think that any way that we can bring as much balance into our lives is really important ... now and always.
The universe is based upon the principle of yin / yang and depends on the interaction of the two.
Most people, especially in this country and culture are "yanged out" .... way too much activity, too much thinking, too much doing, go, go, go, do, do, do and not enough (often not any) non-activity.
(watching t.v. doesn't count ... it's still active)
This taxes the entire being and specifically the adrenals as much of the activity, no matter how it's justified or rationalized, is fear based and people are running on, not actual energy, but adrenaline and that leads to a state of depletion.
But it's the kind of depletion that doesn't easily allow the body to easily rest (it's no wonder that so many have issues with sleep!) for reasons that i'm not sufficiently equipped to explain at the moment.
But that much i know.
This kind of hyper doing and going and getting and striving has created a society that is incredibly out of balance.
It's yin deficient.
If we don't have sufficient time to do nothing and don't know how to simply be and if we don't know how to calm our bodies and minds and entire being and if we do not know how to tap into the source (the feminine, the primal mother .... "the valley spirit that never dies"), we are going to suffer.
(i'm in an Asian frame of mind tonight )
This is a good statement and state of being to contemplate and ideally practice: "Nothing To Do, Nowhere To Go, No One To Be"
I don't know if this post was what you were asking for but thanks for inspiring me to express this as it reinforces what i need to fully realize / embody.
And Wildflower .... i'm sorry that i went off on a tangent on the above post especially if it's totally irrelevant to you.
I forgot what thread i was on and just started "talking".
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<-- he is too melodramatic but will have to do.
)
