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I guess you have to be in 'our' shoes to actually know how we feel and what this is like. Sure, everybody comes across rude or unfriendly....but our experiences far surpass just those type interactions. I'm not going to re-post any examples, all one has to do, is to start at the top of this thread and read our life experiences! the one after another examples are crazy obvious, and overwhelming.
As for your 'ppl' obsession, I don't know what to tell you. I have no idea how that shortened, WRITTEN (in a text or here) abbreviation would in any way, affect a face-to-face conversation with someone. Do you think that we have cartoon balloons over our heads when talking, so that the person I'm speaking with sees the abbreviation 'ppl' as I SAY the word 'people'? Lol!
And, I have heard of Borat, but have no idea who or what it is.
I believe I mentioned in my first post that in written communication you should consider writing out the full word. (I really am just trying to help. It's not cute if you're over the age of 13.) I wasn't thinking you were saying it aloud like it's spelled. (It would be slightly funny, though, I admit.) I do think it would be kind of cool to have cartoon balloons with our words in them, however, and it might very well draw people to you! Maybe consider doing this to see if it makes people like you more!
I'll watch for you on the news! You can call it "performance art."
Hardly anyone is good at meditation immediately, by the way. Or, at least, I wasn't. Now I'm pretty good at being mindless.
Good luck to you.
I promise this is the LAST time I say anything at all about "ppl." HA! (I hate lol, too. I'm like a grumpy old English teacher.)
Your problem is very, very common. I would suggest that you may want to start by giving your self a big break on this and not consider it as something wrong with you, because there is something wrong with all of us. That said, I would also suggest that you visit a psychologist and get tested to see if you suffer from a personality disorder. Please do not take offense at that possibility and consider this...If you walk into a room with 100 people in it, statistically 20 of them will have one of the ten diagnosable disorders. It's just a fact that people have these chinks in their adaption to society. By the way I am not counting the folks in that room who suffer from a mood disorders...add a few percentage points for that also. Now, with that knowledge, is it any wonder that you may find less social success than you want in life? I want you to consider also that many people we see with lots of friends and popularity have made it their business to achieve this as the goal in their lives and on closer inspection, those friends and popularity may be nothing more than a thin veneer. Who wants a friend like that?
So with all of this in mind, start with a good solid diagnosis. With that knowledge in hand, you will either proceed with greater confidence or be on the road to change.
I really do not believe in all these personality disorders that modern psychology invented to support pharmaceutical companies. I do believe, however, that we are more instinctual than we want to think, and that we feel those like us and those that differ. Since we have become so many and the competition is what rules every single move we make, of course we will tolerate even less those that are not like us.
Another scenario that has happened to me numerous times - In a theater, meeting room, or at a long banquet table, people don't sit in my row. It's like every single person in the room would rather sit anywhere but near me.
Another scenario that has happened to me numerous times - In a theater, meeting room, or at a long banquet table, people don't sit in my row. It's like every single person in the room would rather sit anywhere but near me.
Been there, done that. Also, when I sit at the bar, those near me quickly turn their backs to me, unless they are men on the make. Wish I knew why.
For instance, how bad is it when the bag lady at the local grocery store, who appears to have some type of syndrome (down's?) but is obviously high functioning, won't even look you in the face? When she had just finished laughing and chatting with the customer right before me? My turn to pay and she's bagging my groceries...and she instantly gets serious and won't even LOOK at me...when I am within 2 ft of her! She does this every time to me, as I have had her bag for me many other times!
Find some type of life coach person or someone who diagnoses and coaches social skills - I dont know what that's called but they exist.
It's NOT possible that your own brother, people at church, school moms and even the affirmative action bagger at the grocery store [who appears to be a friendly person] ...pretty much every person you ever met in your life...ALL SHUN YOU FOR NO REASON. For FORTY YEARS!
Find some type of life coach person or someone who diagnoses and coaches social skills - I dont know what that's called but they exist.
It's NOT possible that your own brother, people at church, school moms and even the affirmative action bagger at the grocery store [who appears to be a friendly person] ...pretty much every person you ever met in your life...ALL SHUN YOU FOR NO REASON. For FORTY YEARS!
I hope you can find peace.
Sorry, but it's true. Well, part of it. Except this part: pretty much every person you ever met in your life...ALL SHUN YOU FOR NO REASON.
It's not EVERY person. It's MOST or MANY. I don't think it's 'for no reason', either. It's not inept 'social skills'. I am quite a social person. I can make people laugh. I am friendly. I CAN strike up conversations with strange people that is very positive. However, this is not the majority of the time. I had never, ever said anything to the 'mentally handicapped' bag lady. She just has shunned me from the 1st time she had to bag my stuff. Y'all can't say it's that we say inappropriate things(re: your social skills comment)! If you do, you're not really reading what we are describing.....ugh. Like I have said, you have to be in our shoes.....
Please please really read the posts! We get iced over from the get-go MOST of the times this is happening! There is SOMETHING about us. Our 'aura'? An unsettling (to others) 'vibe'? What IS it?
I really do not believe in all these personality disorders that modern psychology invented to support pharmaceutical companies. I do believe, however, that we are more instinctual than we want to think, and that we feel those like us and those that differ. Since we have become so many and the competition is what rules every single move we make, of course we will tolerate even less those that are not like us.
Arrielle-
What do you mean by this: "Since we have become so many and the competition is what rules every single move we make, of course we will tolerate even less those that are not like us."
As i read down through these posts i see that there are other people having the same issues as me. I seem to be able to woo people initially but there rarely seems to be any long term connection and most times turns into avoidance. While there are many observations here, i could use some help in dissecting the actual behaviors so i can try to correct them.
I am a 52 yo man, i am married and my wife is my best friend (but even she seems to think "She picked up the wrong rock" a lot). I'm well mannered, considerate of others and helpful almost to a fault. Low self esteem is definitely one of my problems but, in my humble opinion the friendship issue seems to contributed to self esteem issue and it all becomes a self fulfilling prophecy of struggling with loneliness from day to day.
For some reason my likability factor seems to be about 0. I believe it is either my language, body Language, my tone or maybe a hint of arrogance that repels. The men in my family have long seemed to have a reclusive nature or they suffer from the same problems. They've either decided to remain in denial or bury their heads in the sand instead of trying to fix it.
Does anyone have a suggestion to help determine what the fundamental issues are? My wife tries to help but she gets frustrated with me. After years and years of feeling this way i am becoming bitter and maybe to some extent paranoid about it.
Im sorry. This sounds very painful and lonely. My advice is - go to group therapy with the intention/goal of figuring this out. In a group setting w/ a counselor, you may get feedback. I wouldnt tell the therapist or anyone what the issue is. Maybe say you feel lonely and depressed but dont mention why/whats going on w/people. When u see it happening in the group setting, ask why, making it clear that it would be helpful for you to know why, even if it hurts to hear it.
This is a very interesting discussion. I too have experienced quite a bit of social rejection. That comes from being an independent thinker and unskilled at mouthing inane platitudes.
I think at some point I came to the conclusion that most people are phony and backstabbing when it comes to friendship. A lot of people just want someone to listen while they ramble on about themselves or they want a "friend" to prevail upon for favors, loans, free lunches etc. Some only want to associate with people who are already socially popular. Others would like to pull you into the seedy drama of their lives and use you as a pawn.
I have a couple of true friends and appreciate them greatly. I wouldn't trade one of them for a thousand fake friends.
I think you are experiencing the "grass is greener" syndrome and assuming that you will be happier if you were more popular. Often the opposite is the case. Just look at the many celebrities adored by millions who have committed suicide, overdosed or otherwise have a miserable existence.
I recently read a news story that said people can use social rejection to their advantage. Think about the mediocrity of popular tastes: fast food, reality tv, rap music. And then think of yourself like a fine wine or beautifully written poem that only the few with refined tastes can appreciate.
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. I have no idea how that shortened, WRITTEN (in a text or here) abbreviation would in any way, affect a face-to-face conversation with someone. Do you think that we have cartoon balloons over our heads when talking, so that the person I'm speaking with sees the abbreviation 'ppl' as I SAY the word 'people'? Lol! 
