what is wrong with me, why do I repel ppl? (paranoid, personality disorders)
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I've been thinking about the intuition part of this. Someone suggested that being able to pick up on other people's feelings might be a turn off. I think I sort of do that, too. I think I read people really well. Maybe people pick up on that and don't want to be read. I would never have put those 2 aspects together before. I don't know how they would sense that about me though.
I've also been giving this a lot of thought, because I pick up on people really fast too and read them very well. Indeed they might not like that at all. Another thing that might turn them off is if you seem to have some intelligence about you along with that.
I just read your original post and I have to say that, to me, it was easy to see why people might not be comfortable around you. You've mentioned, "I'm not weird" and "I hold back," or something to that effect several times. I tend to want to spend time with people who are authentically themselves. People can tell when someone is "holding things back" or worried about "being weird." The people who are most interesting are the ones who share their thoughts and beliefs in an open and honest way. I can almost guarantee that if you were "holding back" so as to not offend or "appear weird," people WILL notice, even if it's only on a subconscious level. You should be confident in your opinions and feel free to express them in a respectful manner.
It's difficult to make friends just because it *is*, too! The world is so BUSY all the time. People don't put relationships and friendships first and foremost. You may have to put forth what feels to be too much effort. If the person doesn't respond after a few tries, then accept that it's not going to happen. But the people who have the most social interaction and friends are the ones who go above and beyond in their efforts. For me, making a phone call is just a ridiculous pain in the patoot. I have lost friends over NOT being a phone caller. Luckily, I have connected with many people who feel the same way as I do. This frees me up SO much because I'm not worried about whether someone's going to be upset that I don't call once a week. I am most at ease with the friends who like emails, letters, etc. as opposed to long phone calls and I find myself closer to them because of it.
Also, the fact that you write out complete posts, but shorten "people" to "ppl" is slightly off-putting. If you're reaching out to people through email or on message boards, maybe consider not abbreviating. (Sorry if that sounds rude. I wouldn't have said anything under normal circumstances, but since you've asked for advice, I'm telling you.)
Find like-minded people... join a book club, a gym, dance classes, etc. Smile like a maniac (well, just one notch under maniacal, maybe?) Strike up conversations and just be as friendly as you can. People respond to positive energy, so do the things that make YOU feel positive. It will come across. I don't think there's anything "wrong" with you and I highly doubt you "repel" people. It might feel that way sometimes, but I guarantee that it's more your imagination than reality.
Good luck... I hope my message doesn't come across as being harsh. I promise, if we weren't communicating over a screen, you'd know that I am being honest, but kind. :-) I think you sound like an intelligent and interesting person. That's why I responded. (If you really were repellent, I would not have.) :-)
Your problem is very, very common. I would suggest that you may want to start by giving your self a big break on this and not consider it as something wrong with you, because there is something wrong with all of us. That said, I would also suggest that you visit a psychologist and get tested to see if you suffer from a personality disorder. Please do not take offense at that possibility and consider this...If you walk into a room with 100 people in it, statistically 20 of them will have one of the ten diagnosable disorders. It's just a fact that people have these chinks in their adaption to society. By the way I am not counting the folks in that room who suffer from a mood disorders...add a few percentage points for that also. Now, with that knowledge, is it any wonder that you may find less social success than you want in life? I want you to consider also that many people we see with lots of friends and popularity have made it their business to achieve this as the goal in their lives and on closer inspection, those friends and popularity may be nothing more than a thin veneer. Who wants a friend like that?
So with all of this in mind, start with a good solid diagnosis. With that knowledge in hand, you will either proceed with greater confidence or be on the road to change.
Last edited by solovino1; 01-01-2014 at 04:30 PM..
Reason: spelling
Hi I'm Eve, I recently google "why I repel people" and found this site. I can absolutley relate to everyone. I am also attractive, humorous, fun and tactful. I try my best to connect with people but they just seem to avoid me and not try to take any initiative to connect maybe we can start our own group and try to connect amongst each other? What do you think?
Hi I'm Eve, I recently google "why I repel people" and found this site. I can absolutley relate to everyone. I am also attractive, humorous, fun and tactful. I try my best to connect with people but they just seem to avoid me and not try to take any initiative to connect maybe we can start our own group and try to connect amongst each other? What do you think?
I have tried that, privately messaging others in this thread, but was met with cold indifference. I would be quite happy to discuss this with you privately if you wish.
Hi everyone
Nicci-I have never been a fake person. For the 1st 20yrs of my adult life, I was a genuine, open person. After 20yrs of that, and repelling ppl, I decided to just say minimal about myself and listen more to others. Though I have to say I have ALWAYS been a good listener, now I am just a listener who says less. Now, I do hold back, but not in a weird way as you alluded. I just don't gab, blah blah, never stop talking like some people do. As for writing the letters ppl for people, it's just a habit I have gotten into with this new age of technology and texting. I don't refer to ppl as a means to be off-putting to them. How would that work? I think that assertion is a bit far out there...=)
I am a very friendly person, I have a lot of energy. 'I' happen to think my energy is positive=). I don't get offended easily like some do.
My problem is more the instant icy repelling that I do to ppl. (people) It's true that it does happen with longer interactions, which I thought were great interactions and then fizzle faster than an ice cube on a hot surface.
For instance, how bad is it when the bag lady at the local grocery store, who appears to have some type of syndrome (down's?) but is obviously high functioning, won't even look you in the face? When she had just finished laughing and chatting with the customer right before me? My turn to pay and she's bagging my groceries...and she instantly gets serious and won't even LOOK at me...when I am within 2 ft of her! She does this every time to me, as I have had her bag for me many other times!
Or, the Sunday a month or so ago. When I sat in my normal front seat and this lady sat down 2 seats away. She was chatting with the older couple behind me and was sort of turned my way. I decided to reach out and I said, 'hi, my name is ****'. She smiled and shook my hand, saying 'are you new here?' I told her 'no, we've been coming here for about a year...'. At the end of the mass, I would've said 'goodbye' to her but she was busy talking to the couple again. So, fast forward to 2 wks later, again, she sits near to me. This time, she wouldn't even look my way. No 'hi', 'how are you?', nada! So, fine that's ok, no big deal. I'm used to it.
I have always been an excellent listener. I find that most ppl are not so much. They like to talk about themselves. I was never 'in' to talking about myself. I felt that it's just braggy. Or, a turn off. But, I do like to listen to other ppl's stories. I have always been completely baffled that others don't find an interest in being friends with me as I feel like I am a very genuine, compassionate person. I am also attracted to those like this, but there are not many out there!
So, yeah. My issue is more the INSTANT repel. And, secondly it's the secondary repel where you've tried to connect and it just instantly fizzles.
All I can tell you is that these things happen to all of us. I have encounters in which I'm friendly, open and outgoing and get either nothing in response or strange looks. The world isn't like it used to be. People used to converse openly, but I think with the advent of so much social networking, true face-to-face socializing suffers. I notice it all the time. People just aren't as conversational and willing to talk to strangers as they used to be. I tend to be outgoing and absurd, so people either respond to that or they look at me like I've escaped from a looney bin. The older I get, the less I try to curb my natural weirdness, quite honestly! Sometimes it helps make friends more quickly because they know what they're getting from the start. :-)
I know it seems like I'm making this into a big issue, but I still disagree about the "ppl" thing. It reads strangely to me. You've got paragraphs of full words and I find myself reading them and enjoying what you have to say, and then I get to "ppl" and it sounds to me like Borat is speaking. So, then I read ALL of your paragraphs as if Borat is speaking! I imagine using "ppl" in a text is fine. :-) (I like Borat, however. Not sure I'd want to BE him, though. Ha!)
I have a relative who makes WAY TOO MUCH eye contact when she speaks. Some eye contact is good. But too much eye contact makes people feel weird. Is it possible you're making too much eye contact? That's the only thing I can think of that might make people shy away instantly.
You know, you could consider kind of "calling people out.". Regarding the lady at church who gave you the cold shoulder... that's rather strange. Maybe you could say, "Oh, hi. How nice to see you AGAIN." See how she responds. Maybe she has a phenomenally horrible memory? Is it possible that the grocery store bagger knew the customer who was before you? Maybe. Who knows? I wouldn't put too much importance on that kind of interaction. I was checking out 2 nights ago and the checkout person didn't make eye contact or even as much as greet me. It's not uncommon, unfortunately. :-) I usually will throw out some kind of greeting and if they don't respond at all (which is really rude, in my opinion) then I figure they're just unhappy or having a bad day and just brush it off.
All I can tell you is that these things happen to all of us. I have encounters in which I'm friendly, open and outgoing and get either nothing in response or strange looks. The world isn't like it used to be. People used to converse openly, but I think with the advent of so much social networking, true face-to-face socializing suffers. I notice it all the time. People just aren't as conversational and willing to talk to strangers as they used to be. I tend to be outgoing and absurd, so people either respond to that or they look at me like I've escaped from a looney bin. The older I get, the less I try to curb my natural weirdness, quite honestly! Sometimes it helps make friends more quickly because they know what they're getting from the start. :-)
I know it seems like I'm making this into a big issue, but I still disagree about the "ppl" thing. It reads strangely to me. You've got paragraphs of full words and I find myself reading them and enjoying what you have to say, and then I get to "ppl" and it sounds to me like Borat is speaking. So, then I read ALL of your paragraphs as if Borat is speaking! I imagine using "ppl" in a text is fine. :-) (I like Borat, however. Not sure I'd want to BE him, though. Ha!)
I have a relative who makes WAY TOO MUCH eye contact when she speaks. Some eye contact is good. But too much eye contact makes people feel weird. Is it possible you're making too much eye contact? That's the only thing I can think of that might make people shy away instantly.
You know, you could consider kind of "calling people out.". Regarding the lady at church who gave you the cold shoulder... that's rather strange. Maybe you could say, "Oh, hi. How nice to see you AGAIN." See how she responds. Maybe she has a phenomenally horrible memory? Is it possible that the grocery store bagger knew the customer who was before you? Maybe. Who knows? I wouldn't put too much importance on that kind of interaction. I was checking out 2 nights ago and the checkout person didn't make eye contact or even as much as greet me. It's not uncommon, unfortunately. :-) I usually will throw out some kind of greeting and if they don't respond at all (which is really rude, in my opinion) then I figure they're just unhappy or having a bad day and just brush it off.
PS. Sorry if I'm harping on the "ppl" thing. :-)
I guess you have to be in 'our' shoes to actually know how we feel and what this is like. Sure, everybody comes across rude or unfriendly....but our experiences far surpass just those type interactions. I'm not going to re-post any examples, all one has to do, is to start at the top of this thread and read our life experiences! the one after another examples are crazy obvious, and overwhelming.
As for your 'ppl' obsession, I don't know what to tell you. I have no idea how that shortened, WRITTEN (in a text or here) abbreviation would in any way, affect a face-to-face conversation with someone. Do you think that we have cartoon balloons over our heads when talking, so that the person I'm speaking with sees the abbreviation 'ppl' as I SAY the word 'people'? Lol!
And, I have heard of Borat, but have no idea who or what it is.
OP have you tried meditating?
Viewing yourself as a magnet to people?
Visualizing emitting loving energy out to everyone before you start your day?
Do you have a severe haircut or a birth defect on your face?
Do you have heavy wrinkling around your brows making you look angry?
Ever tried energy work to lessen the intensity of your aura?
Maybe you're working through a psychic karmic agreement from another life and you may want to read up on doing inner energy work to address this concern in your life.
I agree with a few others who've posted, that when you hold back in conversation, you're not being authentic and this may come across as socially awkward. Let whatever fly. Maybe try an improv class to break out of thinking and censoring what you want to say.
The more you focus on not connecting to people, the more of that you'll get. Maybe let go of the belief that you repel people and your desire to connect. Kind of like the advice I get from friends to stop looking for the perfect guy and just enjoy life - because that's when it'll show up. Turn all that love and kindness into treating yourself well. Love yourself. Just my $0.2.
OP have you tried meditating?
Viewing yourself as a magnet to people?
Visualizing emitting loving energy out to everyone before you start your day?
Do you have a severe haircut or a birth defect on your face?
Do you have heavy wrinkling around your brows making you look angry?
Ever tried energy work to lessen the intensity of your aura?
Maybe you're working through a psychic karmic agreement from another life and you may want to read up on doing inner energy work to address this concern in your life.
I agree with a few others who've posted, that when you hold back in conversation, you're not being authentic and this may come across as socially awkward. Let whatever fly. Maybe try an improv class to break out of thinking and censoring what you want to say.
The more you focus on not connecting to people, the more of that you'll get. Maybe let go of the belief that you repel people and your desire to connect. Kind of like the advice I get from friends to stop looking for the perfect guy and just enjoy life - because that's when it'll show up. Turn all that love and kindness into treating yourself well. Love yourself. Just my $0.2.
Ha! I giggled when reading this.
OP have you tried meditating? Yes, I have, I suck at it.
Viewing yourself as a magnet to people? I am a magnet to eccentric people, lol. Or, the opposite sex. =)
Visualizing emitting loving energy out to everyone before you start your day? I already am a loving person.
Do you have a severe haircut or a birth defect on your face? No=). I am an attractive female with a good personality, I have been called things like 'charismatic', for one.
Do you have heavy wrinkling around your brows making you look angry? Nope, look 10yrs younger than I am by most accounts. People think my 21yr old is my boyfriend.
Ever tried energy work to lessen the intensity of your aura? Nope, but perhaps I DO have an intense aura.
Maybe you're working through a psychic karmic agreement from another life and you may want to read up on doing inner energy work to address this concern in your life. I am a christian, I do not believe in pre/after life.
I agree with a few others who've posted, that when you hold back in conversation, you're not being authentic and this may come across as socially awkward. Let whatever fly. Maybe try an improv class to break out of thinking and censoring what you want to say. Please read my prior post. I stated that, for 20yrs, I did NOT hold back in conversations. After 20yrs of THAT not working for me, I decided to make a change. Now, I just LISTEN mostly and give input here and there. When I do give input, it's usually pretty open and personal, so when I DO open up, I DO reveal things in an open way, it's just not as much as I 'used' to open up, in my prior 20yrs which got me NOWHERE.
The more you focus on not connecting to people, the more of that you'll get. Maybe let go of the belief that you repel people and your desire to connect. It's just been in the past year or so, that I began to become very curious why I 'repel' people. I have noticed it for much longer than that, though. So, I do not think that that is/has been a factor. It's a 'new' curiosity.Kind of like the advice I get from friends to stop looking for the perfect guy and just enjoy life - because that's when it'll show up. Turn all that love and kindness into treating yourself well. Love yourself. Just my $0.2. I do love myself. Don't think I have ever disliked myself, actually. I have never had a problem with the opposite sex. I guess that is a good thing. Haha. In fact, I have had a couple past boyfriends who actually stalked me after I broke up with them.
Thanks for taking the time to post! Btw, this is not a life-altering problem for me. I am happily married and 'happy' in general. =) I just am in a curiosity phase, I guess, of where it's slightly baffling, this sort of strange friend-repelling-bizarro-world that I've been in for as far back as I can remember. I am talking 7yrs old and feeling estranged from the friends on my street. ??
It's hard to explain to those who have never lived this......
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maybe we can start our own group and try to connect amongst each other? What do you think?
. I have no idea how that shortened, WRITTEN (in a text or here) abbreviation would in any way, affect a face-to-face conversation with someone. Do you think that we have cartoon balloons over our heads when talking, so that the person I'm speaking with sees the abbreviation 'ppl' as I SAY the word 'people'? Lol! 
Haha. In fact, I have had a couple past boyfriends who actually stalked me after I broke up with them. 
