So depressed. IS it all worth it? (anxiety, miserable, sinus)

[nostoneunturned]

I feel completely miserable. It's likely just perception but I feel like nothing is going my way, I mean I feel fortunate that I and my family members are relatively healthy. I am "blessed" in that way, I feel lucky to have my family, as that is more than many have. I'm not totally down and out but why do I feel like I am?

Mostly I am depressed about two major set backs...maybe they are good things in the long run, but over the past couple of months I just keep feeling worse and worse about them. One was a personal relationship that ending FOR GOOD and the other was a job I didn't get- both came to a head at the same time, so it was a double whammy of misery.

The end of the relationship can only be a good thing as it caused much anxiety and stress, but that person was so many things to me, for the better part of a decade. I am entering my 30's in a few months and I feel lonelier than ever and truthfully I expect I will never find a partner. I am trying to be okay with that, since many couples seem miserable in the long run anyways, and I do prefer my privacy and independence. I struggle to connect to most people so my ex was particularly special, in that we were each other's best friends and great loves and all that garbage. It feels like a once in a lifetime kind of thing. I guess it's good I got to experience it at all, right?

More disappointing is the job that got away, I was very excited about this opportunity and every part of the process just rocked. I was so prepared and just "on" for the interview, I felt like I nailed it and then never heard anything. It's going on two months now and they haven't hired anyone and I heard from an inside source there are budget issues at play. I think I would have been kept in the loop if they wanted me...either way, it still makes me feel awful even though i know there are other jobs out there, this one was the perfect location and well-compensated/excellent benefits and was one I'd been gearing towards even before they posted an opening and I had applied.

It's all this and then little stupid things that seem to snowball, like I have been sick with sinus allergy junk for the past couple months, I am a student but INCREDIBLY burned out, financially strained to the LIMIT, my cat destroyed a dress I love (seriously, LOL, that little *****) and just everything seems to go the opposite of how I want! My depression is talking and it's telling me all sorts of bad lies but I feel so mopey I just believe, despite knowing better. LIfe feels like a slog and there's no end in sight. I wish I could get closure about the job, at least like I did my ex, but instead I bite my nails and stare at the clock all night..still hoping even though it's useless.

I just want to vent. Thanks for anyone who took the time to read this rambly cr ap. I actually feel a bit better now just having wrote it out. If anyone else wants to vent here have at it.

[cindersslipper]

Imma sound like a cracked record here, but have you had your Vitamin D levels checked? Its called Vitamin Depression and causes the exact cant-put-your-finger-on-it flatness you describe.

[purehuman]

Glad you vented...and yes, it does feel better doesn't it.
Many of us have some real down times, but if you keep in mind that something good could be ahead for you..you can still keep on going.
Also, realize there are a LOT of good good people who've lost their jobs (some they've had for years) out there. You are not alone....

When a relationship ends, a new one can begin.....