Anyone else feel like they have become completely apathetic and/or lost their sense of compassion? (depressed, cancer)

[katharsis]

After a lifetime of disappointments and traumas, I am at the point where I just don't care about much anymore. I have had some good things, too, of course, but it is like all the bad stuff I have gone through has sapped my ability to feel much emotion -- and especially good emotion -- about anything but that of a very trivial and short-term nature (like enjoying a beautiful day, baking cookies on a snowy day, etc.). What I am particularly concerned about is that I just don't think that I actually love or care about anyone or anything anymore except for my husband, my cat, and my dog; and I seem to have lost all compassion for everyone except for (1) my pen pal whom I have never actually met and who has gone through about an equal amount of trauma and disappointment in her life, so I can relate to her; and (2) very young children who are very ill or have have suffered some kind of abuse. It is as though, with the aforementioned exceptions, I can only be emotional about strangers, and then only to a very limited degree. For example, I read about victims of fires who have lost everything or I hear about a cousin who has cancer, and I just mentally shrug.

It is as though the fact that roughly 55 years of being strong and "a survivor" has deadened me emotionally, and part of that is a fear of being hurt and/or disappointed (again). Although I have never been a "warm" person (except towards babies and very young children when I was younger), until about seven years ago, I did feel compassion for others and the less fortunate, and I almost always did some kind of volunteer work, but my lack of compassion and self-centeredness has steadily worsened since then; and I don't like the idea of being like this for the rest of my life. And, no, I don't think I am greatly depressed because I am still able to function very well in life and I do enjoy some things, as I said, but only if they don't take a huge amount of effort on my part.

Anyone going through anything similar, or any thoughts about this or advice?

[Rowan123]

I know in animal rescue sometimes compassion fatigue sets in. I wonder if you're experiencing something like that.

As you know, the truth is you can't save everyone or everything. At some point you have to protect yourself. I know there are some aspects of animal rescue, I can't handle so I focus on what I can do. I don't think protecting yourself is a bad thing as long as you don't let it get to an extreme where you don't care about anyone. You may just be worn out and need to reset. I'm not sure it's something you can actively fix other than taking care of yourself, eating right, exercising and getting adequate rest.

If it persists in a few months or you don't feel well otherwise, I'd go to the doctor for a checkup.

[Sand&Salt]

Yes, I can totally relate! Just like a physical body can reach total exhaustion, or its parts wear out, my emotions are just plain worn out. And no, it's not from too much giving to others, it's too many disappointments in life. After a certain number, there's no more energy to keep hoping. I can't get invested emotionally in others because so many people are such a let-down. I'm always "faking it" when trying to act sympathetic it seems. Except with animals---that's genuine!


I'm not really enthused about anything, except (as OP said) something transient like a sunset; and always the crashing waves, or the scuttling red crabs popping in and out of their holes.


I had a nice childhood, but couldn't muster any grief when my parents passed away. I just don't "have it" anymore...


Like all the recent natural disasters---I just feel numb. I don't think I can get "it" back, either. The well has run dry. So that's depressing too! I'm retired, so I don't think rest is an issue!


There's only me and my husband, not even a pet. And I'm not as affectionate to HIM as I should be. WTH happened?

[jaminhealth]

My biggest compassion is when I hear about children being killed or harmed at the hands of adults.

There is so much info out there for we adults to help ourselves and I've tried for years to steer some people but so much has not done any good. So I give up. Just talked to an old friend who says she hates to go to doctors but is at one almost every day and forever seeking out a new one.. I talked to her years ago about "healing thyself" and it went on deaf ears.

I lost my 68 sister last year and cried for her years earlier and when she passed it didn't affect me as much. She was in so much pain and misery and now in peace.

[purehuman]

Originally Posted by whocares811

Anyone going through anything similar, or any thoughts about this or advice?

..from your post you DO still care about a lot of things....your husband, your dog, your cat, your pen pal, and very young children......
maybe you've given up on showing compassion to "others" and the less fortunate because you're not feeling the silent appreciation for it anymore. Maybe you can't see your compassion as having any worth.
You sound like a very kind person.....not self-centered at all.

You also sound like you have a lot of compassion left in you...don't second guess it.
There's no written words that say how your compassion and empathy should be expressed.....nothing set in stone that says you must cry when someone dies or give your all for the less fortunate.
You've done more (from the sounds of it) than some people ever do in their lifetimes.
Take heart in what you HAVE done, and realize it's OK to take a break, and just think of yourself and your own for a change.

I, personally don't like doing some things that take "a huge amount of effort" either......
Maybe that comes with age....I used to, but now I guess I'm just getting too tired to put in the effort anymore.

I still have great compassion for others though, and I think you do too.