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Him and I haven't discussed this since 2009. No he did not apologize. Thank you for your sympathy.
Do you still see each other at family events?
Could you just take him aside, look him in the eye and ask him what does he thinks now of what has happened years ago when you were a child and he was a teenager?
No matter the answer: denial, “don’t remember”, “you liked it” or any other unacceptable reply - you may feel empowered to confront him, to say “you hurt me and stole my innocence” - out in the open?
It could help you cope - you are still very young to carry this burden in silence through the long years ahead of you.
Let’s hope his teenage violence with you didn’t make him a pedophile - they usually get on with the single women who already have young kids - to have an easy access to them..
You may owe it to the young girl - who is going to be his stepdaughter….
His reaction may indicate, clue you in ..
Do you think the mother of the girl should know your story?
If there are any single women with the kids here - maybe they could chime in - whether they would like to know those facts?
Last edited by L00k4ward; 05-27-2023 at 03:32 PM..
Could you just take him aside, look him in the eye and ask him what does he thinks now of what has happened years ago when you were a child and he was a teenager?
No matter the answer: denial, “don’t remember”, “you liked it” or any other unacceptable reply - you may feel empowered to confront him, to say “you hurt me and stole my innocence” - out in the open?
It could help you cope - you are still very young to carry this burden in silence through the long years ahead of you.
Let’s hope his teenage violence with you didn’t make him a pedophile - they usually get on with the single women who already have young kids - to have an easy access to them..
You may owe it to the young girl - who is going to be his stepdaughter….
His reaction may indicate, clue you in ..
Do you think the mother of the girl should know your story?
Yes, he is the son of my mom's sister. We still see each other at events. He himself probably wouldn't want to talk about it perhaps because he would be ashamed or just feel like it's something that happened while we were growing up and it's something that shouldn't be brought up again.
One day I will perhaps have this conversation with him about what occurred years ago when it's just the two of us. I would rather speak to him in person about it and not over the phone.
I wouldn't want his fiancee to know about this because I don't want it to ruin their relationship.
I'm 25 and my cousin is 28. This whole ordeal lasted for a year from 2007-2008; 15-16 years ago. We were both minors and this all happened behind closed doors inside my parent's home as well as his home. Still to this day no one in my family as far as I know, knew all of this took place. This is something that only him and I know, but we haven't discussed this in 14 years.
This was a dark period in my life. My cousin would force me to have sex with him when I didn't want to. Whenever we engaged in the activity it was PAINFUL and there were times I would tell him to stop and he wouldn't.
It got to the point where I didn't want him coming over my house or me going over his house, because I knew that if the two of us were left alone unsupervised what was going to happen.
There were times I cried when we were doing this and he would try to keep me quiet.
Heaven forbid if we ever got caught, because we would've been in BIG trouble.
I look back on this and I hate to say that I was being raped and sexually abused by my cousin. However we were both underage.
I haven't talked to anyone about this in my personal life.
My cousin is now engaged to a woman and has a 3 year old daughter with her.
I'm gay and I always have been.
I don't think it would be a good idea to bring this back up to him.
I'm really considering going back to therapy because I need to discuss this ordeal and a lot of other things in my life.
However, I wanted to know where you guys stand with this?
Yes, you should go to therapy. Quite honestly, I'd see if you can press charges. I'd tell his fiancee as well. The kid could be in danger.
Not sure what being gay has to do with this though.
Sorry you had to endure this. As many have suggested, please get professional help. Then they can help you decide which way to proceed. Until then maybe you should just try to avoid him as best you can.
I'm so sorry you went through that. Nobody should, and it wasn't your fault.
I second the recommendations to contact RAINN as well as to seek out a therapist. How you choose to handle the situation with your cousin going forward is up to you but you deserve to have good assistance to help you process the past trauma, formulate a plan for the present, and support you as you implement it.
First, I am so sorry that happened to you. This is entirely on him, and you were abused and raped by someone old enough to know better. I would be very uncomfortable withholding this knowledge from his fiancé. They have a daughter who may be his next victim.
Definitely get therapy and bring all this up to the therapist. I would also ask the therapist's advice or help regarding the young daughter. Perhaps a therapist could facilitate an intervention between you and your cousin and the fiancé. She doesn't even know that the father of her child is a child molester.
My comment is both on your side and the accused side.
You claim this happened 15 years ago. Even if it happened 9 months ago, it is best to have some physical evidence it actually occurred. What were the dates he stayed over, can someone corroborate the story, was food ordered, etc. Was there a relative or friend who will confirm the dates. Otherwise, it may come off the same as Christine Blasey Ford accusing a judge of gang rape on a lesser scale.
There are a lot of fake rape accusers out of jealousy, spite, or the way their own life is turning out. Nobody should do that to an innocent person. So everyone should not be quick to side with an accuser just because they said it happened. There's just too many liars out there. A young person in my own family lies. It's sad. Judges and lawyers want proof.
- Will he confess to it and at least apologize?
- Stand up to bullies and rapists.
Don't get me wrong I absolutely hate rapists & wish them to be out society. It sickens me and made me consider law enforcement (whole other story).
Remember, rapists have a sickness and tend to do it again.
Are you wanting to do this so he doesn't potentially rape his own kid? I am all for it and do everything you need to do to not let it happen to anyone else. Think about it. You are possibly saving another kid or his wife from life-long trauma.
OP never said they wanted to go to the authorities. I believe they just want to know if they should seek therapy and if they could actually call this rape or sexual abuse, and the answer is "yes" to both.
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