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I'm 25 and my cousin is 28. This whole ordeal lasted for a year from 2007-2008; 15-16 years ago. We were both minors and this all happened behind closed doors inside my parent's home as well as his home. Still to this day no one in my family as far as I know, knew all of this took place. This is something that only him and I know, but we haven't discussed this in 14 years.
This was a dark period in my life. My cousin would force me to have sex with him when I didn't want to. Whenever we engaged in the activity it was PAINFUL and there were times I would tell him to stop and he wouldn't.
It got to the point where I didn't want him coming over my house or me going over his house, because I knew that if the two of us were left alone unsupervised what was going to happen.
There were times I cried when we were doing this and he would try to keep me quiet.
Heaven forbid if we ever got caught, because we would've been in BIG trouble.
I look back on this and I hate to say that I was being raped and sexually abused by my cousin. However we were both underage.
I haven't talked to anyone about this in my personal life.
My cousin is now engaged to a woman and has a 3 year old daughter with her.
I'm gay and I always have been.
I don't think it would be a good idea to bring this back up to him.
I'm really considering going back to therapy because I need to discuss this ordeal and a lot of other things in my life.
However, I wanted to know where you guys stand with this?
He did rape you and could still get in a lot of trouble for doing so, and I bet your parents would be super upset if they knew,
If you feel you need to go to therapy then please by all means do so....
the past is the past, there isn't anything you can do but move foreward....but, I wouldn't get involved with him....
however, I'm a lot concerned for the woman's girl....I'd go to theropy and tell them this and about the marriage, and ask the theropist if you should tell the woman? Do you know if he is still like that or has he changed....was it a once and done thing with you and no one else? There are many questions I would be asking myself, but if your heart tells you that you have reservations for the little girl, then you have to do something, b/c if you don't, you might never forgive yourself for not saying anything.
If you say something and she rejects you, then no loss, but at least you tried for the little girls sake.
You should go to a therapist who specializes in trauma - especially sexual trauma. It's a strange thing that can pop up later; pvt. me for more. It's my understanding that sexual abuse is illegal no matter what the age, but dealing with it now is another matter. Sorting out your feelings about your experience then, how you feel about it now, how you feel about him and his actions then and now how to deal with him could be addressed. Also to be addressed is how others respond to your disclosure; for example, a boyfriend might be dismissive or might be sympathetic; how to incorporate their responses might be helpful so if they are dismissive, its not hurtful. That way you have a plan and a path forward.
Unless I missed something, your original post does not make it clear whether you are male or female, although I'm not sure that it makes any difference to the discussion.
You owe your cousin nothing but a possible prison sentence. You need to act in your own interest, which probably includes competent professional advice, if you can find it. I would attempt to find that first, police assistance second. Or maybe the other way around. Regardless, what is reported in your first post indicates that you should seek assistance in settling this matter in whatever manner you eventually determine is best for YOU, and hope that this will help protect potential additional victims, as well.
He did rape you and could still get in a lot of trouble for doing so, and I bet your parents would be super upset if they knew,
If you feel you need to go to therapy then please by all means do so....
the past is the past, there isn't anything you can do but move foreward....but, I wouldn't get involved with him....
however, I'm a lot concerned for the woman's girl....I'd go to theropy and tell them this and about the marriage, and ask the theropist if you should tell the woman? Do you know if he is still like that or has he changed....was it a once and done thing with you and no one else? There are many questions I would be asking myself, but if your heart tells you that you have reservations for the little girl, then you have to do something, b/c if you don't, you might never forgive yourself for not saying anything.
If you say something and she rejects you, then no loss, but at least you tried for the little girls sake.
Well he was 13-14 years of age when this all took place. He is now 28. He was a young teenager. I would hope he's changed, but I can't be certain. Regarding if it was a once and done thing with me? As I've stated this lasted for a year and it would occur every time we were left alone together unsupervised. I'm not sure if anyone else could've been his victim at the time? I only know what happened with me. I do have another male cousin who is the same age as my cousin in this post that also did some things with me around this time, but he was not as extreme like the cousin I am talking about in this post.
Unless I missed something, your original post does not make it clear whether you are male or female, although I'm not sure that it makes any difference to the discussion.
You owe your cousin nothing but a possible prison sentence. You need to act in your own interest, which probably includes competent professional advice, if you can find it. I would attempt to find that first, police assistance second. Or maybe the other way around. Regardless, what is reported in your first post indicates that you should seek assistance in settling this matter in whatever manner you eventually determine is best for YOU, and hope that this will help protect potential additional victims, as well.
I am a male. The thing about it is he did this when he was a minor. He was 13-14 years of age when this took place. He is now 28. I'm not sure if he had any other victims at the time or if I was his only victim? Hardly anyone is the same person in their 20's as they were in their teens/pre-teens. I am definitely going back to therapy to discuss this and other issues I have. However, I don't think I can do anything legally since I can't prove that he did this and we were both minors at the time. I do have another male cousin the same age as him who was a witness during this time, but he was a participant as well towards me. Although not as extreme.
I am a male. The thing about it is he did this when he was a minor. He was 13-14 years of age when this took place. He is now 28. I'm not sure if he had any other victims at the time or if I was his only victim? Hardly anyone is the same person in their 20's as they were in their teens/pre-teens. I am definitely going back to therapy to discuss this and other issues I have. However, I don't think I can do anything legally since I can't prove that he did this and we were both minors at the time. I do have another male cousin the same age as him who was a witness during this time, but he was a participant as well towards me. Although not as extreme.
This makes me so angry, and upset for you. I was sexually abused from the age of five to 10 or 12 can't remember how old I was when it stopped, (I stopped it by refusing to go there any more) by an uncle, guess what, my aunt turned all their kids against me, because I told....and it is something you can't shake....I did a lot of research and counseling...on pediphiles, and believe me, I wasn't the only one, he rapped one of his male sons, and abused all 3 of his girl children as well....and they all have severe problems, because they never went to counseling...never discussed it, except with me...it was my mother's sister's husband and you can't tell me my aunt didn't know...the man was really sick.
The thing about pediphiles is, they don't stop at one child, as a matter of fact in their life time, they molest between 25 to 70 children...and they cannot be rehabilitated, they are a menace to society....and I'd be willing to bet, he was molested by his father....
My uncle molested or tried to molest my cousin's girl friends, and neighborhood children, and yet, no one turned him in? So this was an injustice to all those children....
I counseled heavily....at different times in my life....my choice....people in this country do not realize how much pediphilia is going on, because they don't want to talk about anything that makes them uncomfortable...not even churches, as I tried to involve so called Christains in the subject, they just sit there giving you a blank stare and change the subject.
It's time people realize, just how bad this problem is, as well as child porn, and put these people away for life. My son is a police officer, and there is only a 1% chance of rehabilitation, and quite frankly I wouldn't want to take that chance with my children.
What disgusts me about this more than anything are the adults that turn a blind eye to this subject, and refuse to discuss it or advocate for the children....there is so much of it in Hollywood and around the world, and yet, people do not want to believe it, and the media turns a blind eye, b/c they are getting paid by all these rich leaders to keep it quiet....but, fortunately there are a lot of brave people coming forward and talking about it, more and more....
Thank you for opening this thread, it must have been very difficult for you to do so....what I ask you is to please go to counseling, it will indeed help...there are all kinds of emotions involved with this throughout the rest of your life, b/c someone decided to take your trust and innocence away....plus guilt and literally use you. Don't allow them to win. March forward with your head held high, and don't be afraid to bring it out in the open....to make people aware of just how this disease is spreading all throughout our world....so many children go missing, and are being sold into the market...for sex....little girls were being raped down by the borders by 9 and 10 men and left for dead....this is not an easy subject, I'm sorry, but it's true, and people need to stop being so naieve and realize what a problem all this has become.
Well he was 13-14 years of age when this all took place. He is now 28. He was a young teenager. I would hope he's changed, but I can't be certain. Regarding if it was a once and done thing with me? As I've stated this lasted for a year and it would occur every time we were left alone together unsupervised. I'm not sure if anyone else could've been his victim at the time? I only know what happened with me. I do have another male cousin who is the same age as my cousin in this post that also did some things with me around this time, but he was not as extreme like the cousin I am talking about in this post.
Did it just... stop one day? Or did you threaten to tell someone, or were you not together at family visits any more, or how did it stop?
Did it just... stop one day? Or did you threaten to tell someone, or were you not together at family visits any more, or how did it stop?
It just stopped one day. We still saw each other and were around each other. We briefly brought it up once shortly after it ended and we haven't discussed it since.
It just stopped one day. We still saw each other and were around each other. We briefly brought it up once shortly after it ended and we haven't discussed it since.
If it just stopped without any threats of exposure other outside exertions, it could well be he developed sufficient "adult"-level reasoning to realize what he was doing was wrong, and/or he found sexually curious partners who were more willing and closer to his own age.
Well he was 13-14 years of age when this all took place. He is now 28. He was a young teenager. I would hope he's changed, but I can't be certain. Regarding if it was a once and done thing with me? As I've stated this lasted for a year and it would occur every time we were left alone together unsupervised. I'm not sure if anyone else could've been his victim at the time? I only know what happened with me. I do have another male cousin who is the same age as my cousin in this post that also did some things with me around this time, but he was not as extreme like the cousin I am talking about in this post.
here's the thing, everything our kids go thru when little kids is mostly learned behavior, so I'm wondering if he was raped by someone over and over and thought it was ok to do that, which is how Pediphiles are born....
As I said, I was sexually molested by an uncle when I was 5 until 10 or 11 and he not only molested his 3 daugthers who were younger than me, but raped his boys...
I did a lot of research on the subject and got myself into therapy...(I'm not talking about you here, simply looking deeper into your cousin and trying to explain) I've been to therapy off and on all my life...some people can get on with their lives forgetting it, I was one who couldn't...I was very angry for many reasons, so I did my own research and what I learned was that most of the time, NOT ALL, but most of the time, it's learned behavior...and the more it happens as a child, the more chance there is that the child will grow up doing the same thing, believing it's ok. That scared the Bejesus out of me, which is why I did my own research and went to therapy as a young person....plus the baggage of it all was a lot for a young girl to carry alone.
Anyway, a pediphile, in his lifetime, molests between 20 to 70 kids, (in his lifetime) think about that, which is why we are having such a huge problem today with Pediphilia....but my point is, do you want that to happen to more kids? I'm not telling you to tell and I personally know how dfficult it is to do so, since he is family, but...?
I told at age 11, b/c I felt maybe if I told, my aunt would stop him from molesting my cousins....she didn't, she said I was lying, and denied it all...even when her daughters were older they yelled at her, "Keep dad out of our bedroom!" To this day, sadly they all have psycological problems....and I hated being around him, made me literally sick...
So, I'm not telling you, you should, but it does go thru me, and worry me about any other little girls he is around.
People do things for many reasons, not one, and I believe the majority of my anger came from the abuse....to this day, I wonder why so many adults sit around and do nothing about it, ignore it or refuse to believe the truth about it....Adults were supposed to protect me and my cousins, not hurt me, we as adults are supposed to protect our kids. I know doing the right thing is God awful hard, but we must, b/c sexual child slaves and child porn has managed to overrun the fabric of morals in our society...and it's got to stop...I can't help but wonder, what is so God awful bad about discussing child molestation, to the point of screaming at the top of our lungs we want it to stop? We need to do something about it!
Sorry for the soap box....
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