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Very sorry this happened to you. I actually blame his & your parents for not keeping watch over you two better when you're all over each others' houses. People seem to NOT think that this kind of thing happens in families, but it does. I'd think about all this kind of thing if I had kids/teens & we were over family members' homes for various get togethers. In NO WAY would my child be gone for even a moment even at fam members' homes while I'm somewhere else in the house or out back in the backyard or something NOT even knowing where my child is OR thinking all the cousins, etc. are just playing in the other room or whatever. People NEED to think about these things!
They also should have taught you that no matter who it is violating your body, that you speak up, no matter what they say. They should have taught you to be fearless & not be scared in case your cousin or whoever says they'll do ____ if you ever tell anyone, etc.
So, how do we know he's not molesting/raping that 3-yr old of his fiance'e? We don't know & I'd be afraid of the situation. I'd want to warn her. But then if it gets out in the open, everyone will be saying why didn't you tell them back then & who even knows if your parents/family will believe you. I know I would if my kids came to me w/ something like that & I know my parents would.
What's the statute of limitations? If too much time has passed to press charges against him, I'd still want to let it be known in the family, to his new fiance'e, etc., but be prepared to be be ousted by family members because they may be in denial & not want to hear any of that sadly. And before you tell family, take him aside 1-on-1 & ask him about it, but have a hidden camera, audio recorders going, etc. so when other fam members don't believe you or you find out you can still go to the police, you have proof that he knew/confessed, etc.
And yes definitely continue therapy since you feel you need to.
Oh & you said this happened to you when you were 9/10 yrs old for a year & then one day, he just stopped. Now my guess as to why is probably because he knew pretty soon, you just might soon get pregnant by him if he kept on, so he didn't want to deal w/ all that if you ended up spilling the secret about him. Now that's probably giving him too much credit for thinking about that back at his age, but maybe possible.
OK, just sawy your post #25 that you're a male, OP, so your cousin is either gay, bi, or a closested gay who on the outside pretends to be hetero. Well, everything I said above still stands...EXCEPTS for the getting pregnant part.
Last edited by Forever Blue; 06-10-2023 at 01:05 PM..
I don't believe anyone should keep quiet about this anymore.....even if it is family, a teacher, babysitter, regardless....it should come out, b/c unless you've been violated in this manner, no one knows the guilt, that the adult puts on you, if you do tell and they deny it...plus the spouse will go into denial...they don't want to believe it...
I've learned that pediphilia is....spreading, child porn, pediphilia used to be prevelent within families, which is why it was covered up, but now it has been spreading like a disease....chances are, this cousin was molested...and the seriousness of this is, if you are molested repeadidly as a child, there is a good chance you will grow up to be a pediphil....molesting many children....
The more I read these comments, the more I firmly believe the OP should say something....I'm very concerned the OP is not the only one. Perhaps he is, but chances are it was not a once and done thing...you have to wonder how many others he has done this to.
I had a male classmate tell me that our 9th grade female teacher had her male students come to her home....boy if that were my son??????
I think it's time to start re-thinking the seriousness of this and keep a closer watch on our children for their own safety.
I'm so sorry you were violated and yes, keep going to therapy...for as long as you need to.
I believe if I were a parent today, I wouldn't allow my children to sleep over at anyone's home...no matter how well I knew the parents, and, I'd keep a close eye on my children....the world we are living in is full of evil...sick people...the more children that are violated, the more likely keep spreading...
I don't believe anyone should keep quiet about this anymore.....even if it is family, a teacher, babysitter, regardless....it should come out, b/c unless you've been violated in this manner, no one knows the guilt, that the adult puts on you, if you do tell and they deny it...plus the spouse will go into denial...they don't want to believe it...
I've learned that pediphilia is....spreading, child porn, pediphilia used to be prevelent within families, which is why it was covered up, but now it has been spreading like a disease....chances are, this cousin was molested...and the seriousness of this is, if you are molested repeadidly as a child, there is a good chance you will grow up to be a pediphil....molesting many children....
The more I read these comments, the more I firmly believe the OP should say something....I'm very concerned the OP is not the only one. Perhaps he is, but chances are it was not a once and done thing...you have to wonder how many others he has done this to.
I had a male classmate tell me that our 9th grade female teacher had her male students come to her home....boy if that were my son??????
I think it's time to start re-thinking the seriousness of this and keep a closer watch on our children for their own safety.
I'm so sorry you were violated and yes, keep going to therapy...for as long as you need to.
I believe if I were a parent today, I wouldn't allow my children to sleep over at anyone's home...no matter how well I knew the parents, and, I'd keep a close eye on my children....the world we are living in is full of evil...sick people...the more children that are violated, the more likely keep spreading...
My childhood & pre-teen yrs were mostly in the 80s & sleeping over at friends was something my parents NEVER allowed. I didn't care, it didn't bother me in the least. Both opportunities, my parents just allowed me to stay at my friend's house longer than maybe the other kids, so that was better quality time in my opinion anyway.
I never saw the hoopla about spending the night...it's just sleeping in pajamas at someone else's house.
My childhood & pre-teen yrs were mostly in the 80s & sleeping over at friends was something my parents NEVER allowed. I didn't care, it didn't bother me in the least. Both opportunities, my parents just allowed me to stay at my friend's house longer than maybe the other kids, so that was better quality time in my opinion anyway.
I never saw the hoopla about spending the night...it's just sleeping in pajamas at someone else's house.
I grew up in the 60's and we enjoyed sleeping over night, there were 3 girl friends whose house I slept over at....no one cared for my maternal mother, so, not much sleeping over at my house....point is, I don't believe parents thought it was happening very much back then, but I'm certain it was...no one talked about it...
anyway, the parents of those 3 friends were all decent and kind people...never a problem, but honestly I wouldn't allow it today....they could stay over at our home, but I wouldn't allow my child to sleep over at anyone else's home, not in today's world.
I have a friend at work, he and his wife adopted a girl, and when ever they had sleep overs they met with the parents, and if they got a bad feeling she couldn't go....
However, there is no way of telling....and I wouldn't chance it....
I grew up in the 60's and we enjoyed sleeping over night, there were 3 girl friends whose house I slept over at....no one cared for my maternal mother, so, not much sleeping over at my house....point is, I don't believe parents thought it was happening very much back then, but I'm certain it was...no one talked about it...
anyway, the parents of those 3 friends were all decent and kind people...never a problem, but honestly I wouldn't allow it today....they could stay over at our home, but I wouldn't allow my child to sleep over at anyone else's home, not in today's world.
I have a friend at work, he and his wife adopted a girl, and when ever they had sleep overs they met with the parents, and if they got a bad feeling she couldn't go....
However, there is no way of telling....and I wouldn't chance it....
You had very smart parents....
I refuse to let these worse case scenarios rule my life. If I had kids now, they would still be allowed a lot of freedom.
The difference between then and now, is that sex or molestation was never discussed. If someone touched you inappropriately, you kept it to yourself, and if not, you might be blamed for it. Now, children are cautioned about stranger danger, and inappropriate touching.
I refuse to let these worse case scenarios rule my life. If I had kids now, they would still be allowed a lot of freedom.
The difference between then and now, is that sex or molestation was never discussed. If someone touched you inappropriately, you kept it to yourself, and if not, you might be blamed for it. Now, children are cautioned about stranger danger, and inappropriate touching.
I believe that is a great Idea, and I hope and pray parents do engage in these conversaitons with their children....
and yes, your are absolutely right about years ago...that's exactly what happened....
But in this day and age, what happened to me back then would keep me from allowing my child to sleep over, no matter how upset he got, the lifelong emotional rollercoaster in the aftermath, is not worth the chance to me.
I grew up in the 60's and we enjoyed sleeping over night, there were 3 girl friends whose house I slept over at....no one cared for my maternal mother, so, not much sleeping over at my house....point is, I don't believe parents thought it was happening very much back then, but I'm certain it was...no one talked about it...
anyway, the parents of those 3 friends were all decent and kind people...never a problem, but honestly I wouldn't allow it today....they could stay over at our home, but I wouldn't allow my child to sleep over at anyone else's home, not in today's world.
I have a friend at work, he and his wife adopted a girl, and when ever they had sleep overs they met with the parents, and if they got a bad feeling she couldn't go....
However, there is no way of telling....and I wouldn't chance it....
You had very smart parents....
Thanks a lot for commenting! I thank God I had outstanding parents who cared & were smart about things. I NEVER even had a babysitter before in my life, so my parents don't have to worry about who may have touched or molested me, etc. My dad worked & my mom stayed home w/ me until I was old enough to start school & then she got a part-time job in which she was able to drive me & take me to school. I never walked to/from school a day in my life either.
I attended private school from K-7th gr, then we moved to a better area. I didn't take a school bus until I was in 9th gr. & I don't ecaxctly remember how long I took the bus...probably 9th through the first 1/2 of 12th gr because my parents got me a new car the last 1/2 of my senior yr so I drove myself.
Kids can't be kinds anymore sadly in this day & age. Sure, we want them to have a good childhood, but there's things they just can't do anymore.
Kids can't be kinds anymore sadly in this day & age. Sure, we want them to have a good childhood, but there's things they just can't do anymore.
Gosh, you are so correct, yanno, thinking back our parents opened the doors to the world for us to go out to play, or walk over to the pool or the swimming hole, ride around town on our bikes, and I mean all over town and back roads....and after dinner, in the summer we had to be home when the lights came on....We lived in a very small Mennonite/PA Dutch town....and we were very fortunate kids...we never wore helmits when we rode horses or bikes, and we did dangerous things....(at times) looking back now, all I can do is shake my head....
but raising a child today, has got to be tough and worrisome...and no, they cannot have the freedom or independence we had as kids....it was like after all our chores were done, we were free to roam like ferral kids....lol, good times...
I remember my sister had a problem, she was walkng down the street to home, it was almost dark and a man walked up to her and exposed himself, right near our home. I cannot tell you how that tramitized her....I mean really scared her....if my dad would have gotten a hold of him, boy I hate to tell you.
So I can't help but wonder, were we just lucky kids?
and why is this such a difficult subject for people to discuss like adults? So that we learn more about what is going on out there, and protct our children....
My problem was I was molested by an uncle, but I do know he also molested my cousin's girl friends....so, you just cannot trust anyone....b/c you don't know what goes on in their minds...nope I wouldn't allow my son to sleep over at anyone's home. They always came to our home...
I really do worry and pray for our children....no child should have to go thru that....
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