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I used to say "thank you" all the time to anyone I knew or encountered who was a veteran, no matter what conflict, or whether or not they served during peacetime. I even have sent people on this forum notes thanking them for their service.
I am disappointed to say that more than just a few of the people I have extended these words to have not been accepting or appreciative. So I have been reluctant lately to say "thank you."
I don't know. As a special education teacher working with severely disabled, violently aggressive children, I've been the recipient of many, "It takes a special person, I don't know how you do what you do, I couldn't do what you do," etc. comments, which are basically the teacher version of "Thank you for your service." My husband taught in inner city schools prior to enlistment, and he experienced the same.
I also wouldn't assume that "people want to be left alone" is a universal, either. Many/most vets are gracious with the civilian public when receiving thanks/accolades.
It is one thing for someone you know, a friend, a parent of one of your students.... to acknowledge that you your have a tough job and are doing it well.
This seems different to me than a total stranger walking up out of blue. Perhaps they've seen you get your teacher's discount at Barnes and Noble. Or watched you drive away from the teacher's parking lot.
In the first case, they are acknowledging that they know you have a tough row to how and appreciate it.
In the second, there can be sort of a creepy fan vibe to the encounter.
I certainly learned to respect their boundaries. I have many combat troops Marine friends who really appreciated me being there for them. But then again, I know these people almost my whole life. They introduce me to other military members. I always think "Thank you for your service" is a polite thing to say, what I really meant to say is "You be safe, and I am thinking of you. Let me know what I can do for you." because I know what they have been through.
Say "thank you for your service" is pretty much a gesture of openness, open communication. I don't go out of my ways to stop a soldier in cammi walking in the mall. I don't think it is necessary. But if they shopped by at my store, I say thank you for your service. They always smile at me and say "You are welcome." I don't ask them any personal information like which unit they serve (Do people actually ask this kind of very personal and sensitive questions?") Unless they tell me things I don't ask.
I have many friends who are frustrated by the fact that they couldn't share their combat experiences with civilians friends because most civilians are not interested in the subject. They can only share their feelings with their fellow combat brothers. But they truly appreciate civilians' nice gestures. I haven't met ONE military service member who is truly annoyed by nice gestures.
I don't think it is necessary to build such a wall between civilians and military. I think at the end of the day, we all want to be appreciated, respected, or at least understood.
Certainly people over analyzed this whole "Thank you for your service" thing. It to me at least has absolutely nothing to do with politics. I care about my friends and their brothers and sisters who serve in the military. I do what I can to help.
No need to over analyze it, in my opinion.
If what you mean is, "You be safe. I'm keeping a good thought. Can I watch your dog while you're deployed?" etc., you may want to just say that to your friends in the military.
The soldiers I know don't want to share their combat experiences with random folks. It often leads to odd questions about what does it feel like to kill somebody, or did you ever kill anyone.
Last edited by GotHereQuickAsICould; 04-16-2014 at 05:45 AM..
I used to say "thank you" all the time to anyone I knew or encountered who was a veteran, no matter what conflict, or whether or not they served during peacetime. I even have sent people on this forum notes thanking them for their service.
I am disappointed to say that more than just a few of the people I have extended these words to have not been accepting or appreciative. So I have been reluctant lately to say "thank you."
Has this discussion been helpful in understanding why some have not been accepting or appreciative?
"Thank you for your service," from a total stranger can have a creepy, fan vibe to it. While some just say it in passing, such a Home Depot cashier, and it means little more than, "Have a nice day." Others seem to use it way to strike up a conversation in which they quiz the person about their military service.
If people are so darn grateful for the community service that strangers perform, it would seem that they would also be saying thank you to police officers, fire fighters, teachers, crossing guards... That doesn't seem to be happening.
I don't think it is necessary to build such a wall between civilians and military. I think at the end of the day, we all want to be appreciated, respected, or at least understood.
Certainly people over analyzed this whole "Thank you for your service" thing. It to me at least has absolutely nothing to do with politics. I care about my friends and their brothers and sisters who serve in the military. I do what I can to help.
No need to over analyze it, in my opinion.
I agree that we all want to be appreciated, respected, and understood. Some military folks may appreciate a "Thank you for your service," from random strangers. I imagine General Petraeus basks in it. Likely, there are others.
But many think it is darn odd. Even if they respond in a polite manner, which most do, there is an awkwardness to it.
Every Veterans Day, a former colleague of my husband's calls and they catch up on what they've been up to over the past year. He enjoys talking with the guy but wonders why he only calls on Veterans Day.
May I make a suggestion? This is nothing but a suggestion.
You perhaps want to consider adopting the "live and let live" philosophy, and let people live their own lives.
I am sorry we are not "perfect", I also am sorry that we are not mind readers. Quite frankly, if somebody say "Thank you for your service" can ANNOY you THIS much, maybe the problem is YOU, not them. Just a thought.
I hate to bring the "Marines I know.." into the discussion in order to make an argument because I agree with you, "there are others.." Oh, the irony. That is why I said, "I respect others boundaries"
There are many people annoy me on daily basis, but I know the world doesn't revolve around me.
I think you over analyzed this whole "thank you for your service" thing. No need to. Just my .02
** Earlier I posted, I make regular donations to the Veterans through non profit organization, you said it is not covering it. Well, many civilians like me are doing the best we can. Later on you posted a discount in a local business is good enough to show appreciation to your husband.
I have to say that I am confused and I don't think you are actually helping the veterans and "soldiers you know" as much as you think you are. Telling the civilians to respect your husband's and nephew's boundaries. That is all you can do, honestly. **
Last edited by lilyflower3191981; 04-16-2014 at 07:05 AM..
In the second, there can be sort of a creepy fan vibe to the encounter.
You have to be more than a man in a uniform in order to make others a "fan."
"Thank you for your service" is nothing but a nice gesture from MOST civilians who have some ideas what service people go through. We thank these people for their sacrifices and their services. No more no less. Again I think you over analyzed it.
May I make a suggestion? This is nothing but a suggestion.
You perhaps want to consider adopting the "live and let live" philosophy, and let people live their own lives.
Here's a suggestion, and it is merely a suggestion: If you don't want to discuss/analyze this topic, find one you do want to discuss.
As to live and let live, that's exactly what I'm suggesting.
Being approached by random strangers, patting themselves on the back for publicly recognizing a person's military service is an imposition. Most respond politely, but it is often unwelcome. As one person posted, so many have expressed that they don't appreciate it that he does not do it as often any more.
General Patreaus may bask in the attention, but many do not.
If we are truly appreciative of their service, we'd straighten out the VA mess, quit trying to cut their benefits, etc.
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