Being Quiet/Reserved in Minnesota

[Glenfield]

Originally Posted by Cleverfield

I hate the feeling of not knowing whether someone is acting nice to you because they really like you, or just acting that way because it's the expectation.

The term for this is good manners. You seem unfamiliar with the concept.

[Cleverfield]

Originally Posted by Glenfield

The term for this is good manners. You seem unfamiliar with the concept.

There's polite, and there's excessively polite to the point where you don't know where you stand with people. The latter is uncomfortable for me.

[Glenfield]

Originally Posted by Cleverfield

There's polite, and there's excessively polite to the point where you don't know where you stand with people. The latter is uncomfortable for me.

We apologize for crossing your imaginary line between politeness and excess politeness. In our defense, we were not intimately familiar with the details of your personality disorder. Hopefully, this thread has given you additional insight into where you stand with us.

[Hoosier]

I have lived in different regions of the U.S. and have found Minnesota to be friendly and comfortable. We've lived here for almost 9 years and absolutely love it here. We don't have any family here which makes it tough at times, so we have learned to adapt.

People are people wherever you go and you'll find people who like to talk your ear off to those who won't even acknowledge you when they're looking right at you. When we lived down south people were extremely nice but we learned that when they say "oh, bless your heart," it was more of a way of talking down to you instead of being nice. IMO the south has a corner on how to be nice and polite even when they're slamming you, and you don't even know it until you've walked away. Out in the northwest it's the live and let live mentality. You don't really get to know your neighbors, everyone is pretty much in their own world.

East coast they don't mince words or emotions. You know exactly where you stand with the person. They are very curt and direct.

My wife is very similar to the OP in that she can't stand chit chat and is more of an introvert. I on the other hand am the complete opposite. I can talk to complete strangers and talk about deep subjects of theology, politics and family. If I encounter an introvert I am very respectful that they are not comfortable with that type of communication.

I hope the OP finds a good place to live in her upcoming relocation. The lower midwest (Indiana, Ohio, Michigan) are a few great places I'd recommend. Just my opinion, but wherever you are you can definitely find a niche where you are comfortable. You either have to look hard to find it , or make it yourself.

[MSPLove]

Originally Posted by Cleverfield

I am not the type of person who likes to make chit-chat, go around saying hi to everyone, smiling all the time. If I am not too busy or have something interesting or important to talk about, I'll talk, and I can actually be in a pretty lighthearted mood when I don't have a lot of things going on to worry about. But much of the time, I like keeping to myself. I've noticed that people don't really respond to that well here. On multiple occasions I've gotten the cold shoulder from people. I feel badly, because I feel like I've offended them somehow, but it truly isn't that I dislike them, I just am a somewhat private person. Is it possible to not be overly friendly, without being a social outcast here?

What part of Minnesota have you lived in? You won't find weirdos with cheshire cat smiles waving around the Twin Cities Metro.

Oddly, I have found it in Duluth a little bit. I'll just be waddling around downtown and I'll randomly get smiles, nods, whatnot. Maybe 3 times that's happened. All different visits. Okay, they were men too.... and I'm not a homely woman. (<-- self-esteem, not arrogance)

[Azul91]

Originally Posted by Cleverfield

I am not the type of person who likes to make chit-chat, go around saying hi to everyone, smiling all the time. If I am not too busy or have something interesting or important to talk about, I'll talk, and I can actually be in a pretty lighthearted mood when I don't have a lot of things going on to worry about. But much of the time, I like keeping to myself. I've noticed that people don't really respond to that well here. On multiple occasions I've gotten the cold shoulder from people. I feel badly, because I feel like I've offended them somehow, but it truly isn't that I dislike them, I just am a somewhat private person. Is it possible to not be overly friendly, without being a social outcast here?

Most people don't say hi to strangers here, so I don't know where you are having a problem with that. If it's a friend or just a person you know then I think it's kind of expected that you at least say hi (?), and people here are friendly but not overly friendly. Actually, one of my biggest complaints about some NOT all the people in this state is that when you do say Hi, they will say hi back but not even look at you (I'm working in retail while I'm in college) I find that to be quite rude.

Good luck in your new home.

[rcsteiner]

Originally Posted by Cleverfield

I posted because I was trying to understand the culture more, and might have considered staying or coming back here someday, but now that I understand that that's the culture and not just a few isolated incidents, I know it's not right for me. I hate the feeling of not knowing whether someone is acting nice to you because they really like you, or just acting that way because it's the expectation.

Have you asked? Many of us would answer.

[golfgal]

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