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I've been wondering about some "grey area" etiquette issues on the subway for a number of years and wonder what others think or do in similar situations.
- Confused/ lost person on the subway train studying a map next to you or across from you. Looking bewildered when the train stops and the station is announced. I know my way around the subway so I can offer help. Or worse they are studying the subway map right above your seat. Do you ask him if he needs help or think "not my problem, should know where you're going before getting on a train."
-Crowded rush hour subway train and the car is mostly quiet, full of exhausted commuters going home. 2 loud people get on and sit next to you. There's no other seats open and you don't have headphones. After a few stops you wonder if you should switch cars before a long stretch with no stops. (I usually do in these cases)
-A young child gets on and there are no open seats on the crowded car. They and their mother are standing right near you; do you offer your seat? 1/2 the time I do and the parent declines, leaving an opportunistic standing adult to snatch the empty seat.
Just wondering what fellow commuters do in these instances.
1- I usually don't. I would help if asked. I even walked with the tourist a few times. I stopped offering because I had instances where I scared them off....as though I am going to do a nyc style mugging or something......
2- I always carry my headphones. I even carry backup ones in my bag. The chatter is almost unbearable.
2- depends on the age of the child. I usually flag them before I even get up.
1) Depending on the situation, I have offered in the past. Sometimes they look like they're enjoying figuring it out, so I leave them be.
2) I wouldn't change cars. Could be something worse in the next car. Headphones must always be on hand.
3) You've got to mouth the "want to sit?" and do the finger point and get confirmation before actually giving up the seat! And yeah, it depends on the age of the kid and also how annoying they seem. If it seems like a bratty kid, they can stand.
1) If they are still looking perplexed then I will offer to help with directions.
2) I probably would not move and would likely put on headphones and listen to music if they are just being loud.
3) As long as the kid is able to stand by themselves then no, why should I - they are younger, lower to the ground and in better shape than I am! I will offer to pregnant women and the elderly though, I will also offer to mothers holding their child.
2. Noise is inevitable on the subway so I try not to let it bother me. Remember, there are people who aren't on the same schedule as you and for them it may be a day off and vice versa.
3. I'll offer my seat to whomever appears to need it more than me--but I'll ask before getting up.
1 -- If I see someone clearly confused I will offer help. I've never had anyone decline or walk away from me afraid.
2-- I don't wear earphones in the subway or on the street. Ever. A vestige from the "bad old days" when I felt I had to be able to hear whatever was going on around me and felt unsafe if I couldn't. With disagreeably loud people on the subway I either move to another car or just suck it up until I or they get off.
3--I will offer my seat to the elderly, people with canes or casts on their legs or something like that, mothers holding infants, and pregnant women. I figure everyone else is strong enough to stand on their own tow legs.
3--I will offer my seat to the elderly, people with canes or casts on their legs or something like that, mothers holding infants, and pregnant women. I figure everyone else is strong enough to stand on their own tow legs.
I agree with the above although since I have been problems with my knees recently I tend to see if someone else will give up their seat/s rather than me. Definitely I don't think an adult needs to give up their seat for a child.
1-it's not my responsibility to teach someone how to read the map or use the subway
2-i change cars. i am paying for a comfortable ride which includes AC/heat and a seat (if available) with peace
3-i never give up my seat but again i have a knee problem where fluid builds up if i stand for more than a few minutes at a time. i can walk for a short while but cannot stand more than a few minutes so it's really not an option for me.
1. While selfish, inferior people are self-absorbed and never offer to help strangers, superior people are kind, and care about the welfare of strangers. You could therefore say "You look perplexed. Can I help you? Where do you want to go?". If they decline the offer, nothing lost -- and if they accept the offer of help, you will feel better about yourself.
2. So they're loud. So what? Learn to tune out riff-raff.
3. Specifically SAY to the standing parent "Would you or your child like to sit?" You are not a mind reader, and you should not expect anyone else to be, either. Even if 90% of the time the adult declines, you will have made a one-on-one human connection, which is really what matters -- and matters even more than giving up your seat.
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I will offer to pregnant women and the elderly though, I will also offer to mothers holding their child.
