Does living in New York City really harden you? (skateboarding, rent)

[NYer75]

Originally Posted by Bye, Bye Birdie

I grew up 20 mins. outside of NYC in Jersey. My mother had me going back and forth for different things in my mid-teens, and a lot of my life has been spent hanging out, working and living there.

That being said...I just fled NNJ/NYC. I can't stand it, and I hope that I don't have to move back for a long, long time.

Yes, living there will harden you. You know what, why is "reality" all about being unfriendly, eschewing connection with others? My reality is about connection and reaching out.

If you're a single woman, NYC has potential to make you very, very bitter. Getting into a relationship is like pulling teeth; men like to rack up lots of girls, and they can become very entitled. Keep in mind, NYC is full of models, dancers, performing artists, intellectuals, etc. There are LOTS of liars that will do anything in the name of status and getting a leg up on someone else.

Things are grossly overpriced. Rents are stupid. Kitchens amount to one burner and a little fridge, unless you're paying $1200/person/mo for something a bit bigger. By the way, hope you like rats and huge roaches, because you'll be seeing scads of them.

Oh, and raising kids here? HAHAHAHA! OK, if you want your kid to be a self-centered headcase. Schools are all about getting ahead. The high schools are so crowded that they run on two shifts, an early one and a later one that starts at 11 AM and ends at 6. By the way, you have to apply far ahead to get anything good, and competition is super, super fierce for spots in the best places. One of my best friends is a NYC native (though I know several) and she warned me up and down to never, ever raise a child in NYC.

So, I'm moving to Chicago. It's so, so fun, clean, cheaper and I can get my organic groceries with a nice walk. Men here seem to be more polite, and I get approached way more often by actual men, not hipster boys or guys who need a girl to fill in the Tuesday night slot. Plus, I like the fact that the buildings aren't greyed by dirt, the sidewalks choked with filth.

There are plenty of people from NYC that can't stand it. Don't believe the hype. Trust me, the world doesn't revolve around NYC, and not every city wants to be like it. You can totally live a culturally rich life in Chicago, Seattle, Cali, Denver, Houston, etc. Plus, it'll be cheaper!

Funny, Chicago has a really HIGH crime rate. So be careful sister.

I lived in Chicago too....tries to be like NYC, but it just ain't. Chicago is also one of the most corrupt cities in the country. Also, Chicago is one of the most segregated in the city. The winters..BRUTAL. People ain't that friendly either. And the brothers (Black)...major attitude and hate against latino brothers...not like NYC were we get along. Blacks and Latinos don't mix well in Chicago, unlike NYC.

And the South and West side of Chicago...watch out for your life!! MAJOR VIOLENCE....reminds me of the Bronx and BK back in the 80s and early 90s.

Don't compare living in Jersey to NYC...Jersey's cities are dumps for the most part.

You may pay more for rent here, but you get more city for it. This is the captial of the world for a reason!

Good luck in Chicago! I left after just 7 months....HATED IT!

[soulessly]

Lets all be real here, living in NY hardens you...big deal!

Its preposterous to even compare NY to any other city. How can you compare someone's attitude who is interacting with 20 people of mostly the same belief system and whatnot to another interacting with 10 times more than that and with people of different backgrounds to boot?

You can't afford to say hi to everyone you meet, it's not humanly possible. They are way too many people.

I have never not helped someone with a baby stroller down the stairs on the subway, never not tried to help someone who looked lost, and you know why I do these things, when I relocated here over a decade ago from another continent, people offered assistance to me and they still do.

To the person who said, "outside of Manhattan everyone has a car" that's so not true. There are so many people in Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens and SI that don't have driver licenses much less a car.

If you want more for your money in regards to rent, don't live in Manhattan, there are countless apartments with large spaces outside of Manhattan.

I love NY for the differences in culture, people, reasoning.

I love that I'm surrounded by 24 on the go enegy, 24 hour pharmacy and fast food.

I love that I get to sleep on the subway and not have a steering wheel all up in my face.

I love the fast pace and I love the genuineness of people (they don't give me fake smiles) I'd rather you don't smile at me at all than give me a fake one.

I also love that when push comes to shove, NY is a great reflection of love and oneness. You should have seen us in action together on 911!!

[oso_te_great]

Originally Posted by lovecouture

Like a lot of people I've always dreamed of living in New York City, so right now I'm seriously considering going to school there. I am from Vancouver, Canada and here I very rarely ever feel unsafe. Maybe it has to do with Canada's smaller population, but I always feel I have to be more on my guard when travelling through the US. It's such a chaotic and belligerent society. I remember going to Seattle one Sunday at a busy mall and I was in one particular clothing store that was pretty packed. The manager got into a shouting match with some girls she suspected of shoplifting (they had been complaining about the long lineup or something) and she very loudly ordered them to get out of her store, and then called mall security. She wasn't hush hush about it at all. She was not concerned with keeping some modicum of propriety and politeness. I guess I'm too used to being around polite and friendly Canadian folks. I kept thinking "This would never happen in Canada!" Life is so much tamer here.

But for the most part people were friendly enough, but Seattle ain't no NYC. If that's how I found SEATTLE, what in the world will NYC be like? (I've been to NYC but it was only for a day in touristy areas, but I imagine living and working there would be an entirely different experience.)

So what I would like to know is, am I going to get crushed if I don't steel myself, grow thick skin, and lose my Canadian inclination for geniality and adopt a more hardened outlook? New York is also the epicenter of weird people. I mean seriously, apparently New Yorkers find Californians to be too soft. I'm thinking Good God if they're considered soft how am I going to fare as a Vancouverite? (LOL I don't remember who said this but they were trying to illustrate how much more professional & cutthroat people were in LA compared to Vancouver because everyone wore SUITS to work and we were so uber casual here. )

Haha, I grew up in Seattle, and NYC is a whole different ballgame.

Since moving out here, I guess you could say I have hardened, but for the better IMO. I have become more direct, less passive-aggressive, less friendly, but a lot nicer in ways.

I think you would do well out here, I have a few Canadian friends out here who do very well, and have no problem fitting in. I will warn you that NYC is nowhere near the laid-back atmosphere the PacNW has, it took some getting used to for me, but I don't miss it now.

PM me if you want to know more

[soulessly]

This morning on my way to work, the train stopped at a station and this 3 year old (I know her age because I was so impressed by her that I had to ask her) girl ran in at the last minute with her dad. As soon as the dad got in after her the doors shut, the dad told her "good job" and she said " I didn't want us to be late today because mom would be upset" and right there in the train with most of us holding on to something, she asked if her father could tell her a story about "the blind man", the guy went on to tell her a story that I think he was formulating as he went along.

Long story short, it beats driving to work any day. And that little girl isn't going to be a pushover anytime soon....I can tell.

Another thing about NY is that your threshold for anger is lengthened, so many people **** you off on the trains, on the sidewalk, at the deli just by going about their own business that after a while you can't do nothing but laugh at their idiocy!

[twist07]

You know, I always said that when people talk about how NY turns people cold I would counter that it doesn't turn people cold but it makes people more resilient. I always argued that there is more of a community in the outer borough neighborhoods, in contrast to what you find in cookie cutter suburbs. However, this past weekend's events with the man in Queens who got stabbed after saving a woman from a mugging disheartened me. It wasn't that he got stabbed, it was the fact that people watched him dying on the sidewalk for an hour before paramedics got there. Maybe it happens in other cities, but NY always gets highlighted for nihlistic indifference.

Then again the guy did saved the lady from a mugging, so what else does that say about NY?

[adambos]

New York is unlike anyother city in so many ways. I'm not sure if it hardens you, per se, however it definitly changed me. Changed me in ways that are too vast to possibly sum up on here. What it DOES do is force you to compete on a very high level. People in New York City are generally the best in what they do, very active, and work very hard. In order to even compete you really have to get yourself into "new york shape" I equate it to playing in the majors. This process changes you. You become spoiled. Everything runs at light speed, amenities are everywhere. You really can't live anywhere esle after youve been here. First thing you say when you arive in another city, "Where is everybody?" new York is CROWDED. We literally live on top of one another. This creates a level of forced intimacy that also changes you. Look, I cant sum it up here. Its been an almost spiritual experience moving here. Native new yorkers wont ever experience that transformation. They take it for granted. It's the greatest city inthe world, albeit agressive and frenetic. But does it harden you? No. I think it's actually opened my mind. Come see for yourself. In NY, anything is possible.

[Shizzles]

I think it all depends A) On how you would describe "Hardened", and B) Who you are as a person. regardless of where you live.

It's clear that you can't really live in NYC w/o having some wits about you as well as some drive. OTOH, I do notice alot of people use the "It's NY" excuse to act like a D-bag or a Ahole when quite frankly it's not only wrong but unecessary. I have always been a friendly, open and accessable individual and feel no different when in NY. People who truly know what they're doing would know how to play it safe w/o having to resort to anti-social behavior.

[WildCardSteve]

I find NY to be quite friendly. More so, in many ways, than San Fran, where I lived for many years.

I live in the Bronx...it is so full of CHILDREN! precious treasures of God...they make me smile everyday!

If anything, living here has softened me. Beats the crap out of that horrid suburban "Long Island." I lived in that hellhole for 5 years and (well, life is always good) am so happy being out of it that I could sing.

[MotormanMike]

35 year old lifelong New Yorker here ... born and raised. Lived on the lower east side of Manhattan from '75-'77 ... and Bay Ridge from '77 - present excpet for 4 months in Sunnyside Queens in '96. So I have lived in Manhattan , Queens and Brooklyn , rode the subways when they were covered in graffiti , been through the rough times in the 80's , the city's comeback in the 90's , through 9/11 , and everything on up to present. I think growing up and living in the city makes one harder because of the constant competition. For jobs , for parking spots , for taxi's , for a seat on the train , etc. etc. Here are the things I like and dislike about the city ...

Dislikes :
1) Above all else , the #1 thing I hate about NYC is the noise ... noise in the street , noise in the buildings , noise everywhere.
2) Alternate Side Parking ... especially in my neighborhood , when ASP is in effect can literally take hours to find a spot , especially late at night.
3) Gun control. I am against gun control and NYC is the most fanatical place in the country about it.
4) Traffic ... I hate driving in traffic and most of the city is a parking lot from 7am-7pm.
5) I really DON'T like a lot of the people in this city.

Likes :
1) I love my job (subway train operator).
2) I like that you can find many stores open 24 hours , public transportation runs 24/7 , the city has many things accessable 24 hours.
3) The women ... best looking anywhere .
(married now though , so )
4) I like the look , feel , architecture of the different neighborhoods. Every part of the city has it's own unique look and feel. I like the skyscrapers and bridges , the old neighborhoods with elevated subway lines cutting through them
5) I really DO like a lot of the people in this city.

Overall I've enjoyed my time here , and I'll be around for a while still , but eventually I want to move somewhere less 'hard' and less competitive. I understand why people come here and why many people want to stay here that were born here. The city does have many things I would miss. Yet , at some point in time I want to move out of here and go somewhere that is quiet , less crowded , has more open space and clear skies , lower taxes and a less intrusive local government. That's why I'm thinking of one day relocating to Wyoming , or possibly Colorado , ... somewhere out west.
No doubt many of the people born and raised out there can't wait to come here or move to other big cities. Might 'harden' them up a bit .

[jkar123]

stay in canada! so tired of these tourists moving to nyc. wish you outsiders would stop moving here. you are the people that make nyc suck. stop ruining my city!