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You most certainly can have specific people barred from a funeral, that's why they have private funerals and wakes.
Somebody brought up not carrying out the wishes of the deceased. My moms husband did that. She specifically wanted a closed casket, he demanded an open. She wanted her name alone on the headstone, after all it's a single plot, nope he had his name put along side hers on the stone, which was just creepy. He's not going to be buried there. Hows this, she paid for everything, too. However she didn't write down her wishes, so he had free reign to alter them.
I have seen my ex show up at peoples funerals she hated and put on the we were best buds act. That's not going to happen at mine! She's not getting that shallow version of closure with me. Also my sister, whom I raised from 16-20..divorced her nice husband to ladder climb into a prominant rich family and suddenly was too good to speak to anybody. But she had to show up at my moms funeral and read poems about her close personal relationship with the woman she hadn't spoken to in 5 years. That's not happening at mine, either.
I realize most of you are commenting on people who practically jump into the grave. But a lot of them actually cared for the dead person. On my specific family branch a lot of them are so self centered they don't care whether others die or not. Some just show up and do the "I've lost my bestus friend" BS.
My mothers sisters acted like characters out of Dickens when she died! My mom was in hospice for a month. Both her sisters lived within 5 miles of the hospice. They never came. But they showed up to pilfer her meager possessions ahead of anybody! Practically trying to knock each other down/trip the other one while racing around her house. She wasn't even buried yet!
Just a cold, cold family. And they can stay there, out in the cold!
Amen-my step mother is not allowed if for some reason I die first...she is a mean and nasty -well you know the rest...
I hate that too..I went to my SO uncle's funeral and his Granddaughter who is a stripper and always treated him like crap.."fainted" during the funeral...I was appalled that people thought it really happened-she is by far the worst actress..then she proceeded to yelp and say she doesn't want to live...I had to walk ou because I started laughing...
I've heard this more than once, that the spouse/child who treated the deceased the worst appears the most distraught at the funeral. It seems to be common.
That would be my grandmother.
I'm convinced my grandfather died just to get away from the miserable life he lead with her. At his death, the doctors were totally flabbergasted. "It was just a small heart episode!" they exclaimed "you don't die from something that inconsequential!" I figured that Grandpa saw the door to the afterlife crack open just a smidge and said "adios diablo! there's my chance! I'm gone!" http://www.smileyshut.com/free-scared-smileys-366%5B1%5D.gif (broken link)
Grandma took to her bed with grief and was too prostrated to deal with the funeral arrangements. Her son and I (16-years-old and living with her at the time) had to deal with it. I had to call all the family and get the house ready for the wake.
After the funeral (more wailing from her "I JUST DON'T KNOW IF I CAN GO ON!"), once her audience had departed, she made an instant recovery. Her malicious eye landed on me; she needed another focus point for her narcissistic rages; I became her next pecking victim. Luckily, I was young, strong and got out as soon as I could.
That's what annoys me. My grandfather treated my mom like crap her whole life. You'd think he lost his best friend there for five minutes. Then it was business as usual.
My ex wife bad mouthed her father non stop. She hated him, despised him. Niagara falls at his funeral. Then right back to bad mouthing, blaming.
I have a list of about 6 people that are not allowed at my funeral. If I wasn't good enough in life, you don't get your show at my funeral.
My mom didn't want to let her ex husbands attend her funeral, and I talked her out of it. Both showed up and made asses out of themselves. My father showed up drunk and mouthy. She was right!
The problem is that it is impossible to segregate one's feelings into nice, neat little boxes.
One's relationship with a family member is a combination of love, petty resentments, disputes, and a whole list of other factors.
Remember that hate is not the opposite of love. Instead, the opposite of love is indifference. So if somebody hates someone, that means that person still matters in some important way.
I've always thought funerals are one of our worst customs.
Let's see, I kick the bucket and a bunch of people show up to look at the body. At least half of them didn't care enough to show up when I was alive. Why? Some probably want to make sure I am dead because they owe me money. All of them are secretly rejoicing that *I* am dead and they aren't(they can't help it). A few are there for the free food and socializing. Or to see who gained weight.
Funerals are for the living, not the dead. Some of them are great parties. I want the party while I'm still alive. After I'm dead, I won't care. IMHO, most of the caterwauling/falling out is just a show. A display of guilt of one kind or another.
Funerals are for the families of the deceased.
Most often it is nice to see people give you a hug and tell you 'sorry.'
No one wants to see two cars behind the hearse.
The other comment about not letting people into the funeral. I would so love to just sit up in the coffin and scare the crap out of someone. That would be sweet. Then I could rest in peace. Course, you would have to push me back down...one or two cracks in the back later.
I heard that in some cultures you can hire people to weep for the defunct. Heard that some people make a living out of doing that. Professional weepers I think they are called. Thought that the person who told me was making a joke. But as I can see by these posts, it's not as far-fetched as I thought.
I believe either the ancient Greeks or Romans had professional mourners at funerals. The custom had to have come from somewhere.
That's what annoys me. My grandfather treated my mom like crap her whole life. You'd think he lost his best friend there for five minutes. Then it was business as usual.
My ex wife bad mouthed her father non stop. She hated him, despised him. Niagara falls at his funeral. Then right back to bad mouthing, blaming.
I have a list of about 6 people that are not allowed at my funeral. If I wasn't good enough in life, you don't get your show at my funeral.
My mom didn't want to let her ex husbands attend her funeral, and I talked her out of it. Both showed up and made asses out of themselves. My father showed up drunk and mouthy. She was right!
When I think of my elderly father's passing, I greatly fear that will be case with one or two of my brothers and a half-sister who have basically allowed their hearts to harden against him. At the funeral, they will be hysterical, while during his life, they ignored him this past Father's Day, they attempt to pressure him into living in a nursing home (when that is NOT something he wants for himself). They even resent me because I live with him and offer support for things he can no longer do for himself. It turns my stomach to see people act so fake at funerals.
When I think of my elderly father's passing, I greatly fear that will be case with one or two of my brothers and a half-sister who have basically allowed their hearts to harden against him. At the funeral, they will be hysterical, while during his life, they ignored him this past Father's Day, they attempt to pressure him into living in a nursing home (when that is NOT something he wants for himself). They even resent me because I live with him and offer support for things he can no longer do for himself. It turns my stomach to see people act so fake at funerals.
Well, at least he has you. It would be worse if you also behaved that way. Sometimes all the kids cooperate to ignore a parent and seem as if they will celebrate the death. Hopefully there is justice that will be done. The best justice is when they go through something identical or similar that forces them to delve on what they did. At least in that case a lesson might be learned and some repentance might occur. That's assuming that the perpetrators have a conscience or aren't totally convinced that their parent deserved that treatment and more.
As for nursing homes, sometimes an elderly person is safer there since we don't have eyes in the back of our heads and persons with dementia tend to wander into the street without knowing where they are going, lose balance and fall, set themselves accidentally on fire while attempting to prepare food, lose the interest or ability to bathe, etcetera. Dementia creeps up on the person gradually and before one knows it the parent is gone and what's left is tantamount to a child needing constant attention and supervision. If we can provide that kind of attention then we are doing the person a favor. If we can't and attempt to, then we are putting the person at risk.
Well, at least he has you. It would be worse if you also behaved that way. Sometimes all the kids cooperate to ignore a parent and seem as if they will celebrate the death. Hopefully there is justice that will be done. The best justice is when they go through something identical or similar that forces them to delve on what they did. At least in that case a lesson might be learned and some repentance might occur. That's assuming that the perpetrators have a conscience or aren't totally convinced that their parent deserved that treatment and more.
As for nursing homes, sometimes an elderly person is safer there since we don't have eyes in the back of our heads and persons with dementia tend to wander into the street without knowing where they are going, lose balance and fall, set themselves accidentally on fire while attempting to prepare food, lose the interest or ability to bathe, etcetera. Dementia creeps up on the person gradually and before one knows it the parent is gone and what's left is tantamount to a child needing constant attention and supervision. If we can provide that kind of attention then we are doing the person a favor. If we can't and attempt to, then we are putting the person at risk.
Yes, mild dementia is in the picture here. My dad is something of a handful supervision-wise, but he's still our dad. I intend to do right by him, until the help he requires is beyond what I can provide. I can't understand how my siblings can just shut down and give up. What they mostly seem to be worried about is their inheritance and why they have to wait so long to receive it.
Yes, mild dementia is in the picture here. My dad is something of a handful supervision-wise, but he's still our dad. I intend to do right by him, until the help he requires is beyond what I can provide.
And you will be blessed for it!
Quote:
Ephesians 6:3
If you honor your father and mother, "things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth."
Quote:
I can't understand how my siblings can just shut down and give up. What they mostly seem to be worried about is their inheritance and why they have to wait so long to receive it.
Some things defy explanation and are best ignored and left in God's hands.
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), once her audience had departed, she made an instant recovery. Her malicious eye landed on me; she needed another focus point for her narcissistic rages; I became her next pecking victim. Luckily, I was young, strong and got out as soon as I could.
