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I think it's fine to split evenly if the bill isn't going to be crazy high. I don't mind kicking in an extra $10-$20 among good friends.
HOWEVER... some people do take advantage of this. I have a group of friends I get together with every 1-2 years for a long weekend (we are from all over the country). There are seven of us plus any spouses, kids, etc who choose to attend. Then occasionally we will have other people wanting to meet up with us since one of us is semi-famous. This one time maybe about 9 or 10 years ago, a fan of our semi-famous friend went to dinner with us and ordered two bottles of VERY expensive liquor to impress semi-famous friend. Most of us were still in our 20's at the time and so relatively broke (compared to Mr. Moneybags Fan). It jacked up the bill so much that we ended up paying about four times what we should have--EACH! We still talk about that guy a decade later.
I think it's really in poor taste to quibble about "I didn't eat as much as he did" or "she had more drinks that I did."
If throwing in an extra $20 is too much to handle and still be able to pay one's monthly bills, then the person shouldn't be eating out at all.
Also, in my experience, the people who want to quibble about paying less than an even share are not the dirt-poor people, but the ones who have similar or even more financial resources than the others.
In a recent example, we had a bunch of co-workers take someone out to lunch because she was leaving the company. There were about 24 people who ate out, and I (and others) suggested we just take the total, add on a nice tip, and divide it all by 24. One woman, who earns a higher salary than half the people at the table started saying she only ordered a salad, and didn't eat any of the shared appetizers, and only drank water with lemon...
I gave her a look that said "Seriously? Are you really going to do this?" I said (a little loudly, but the guest of honor had gone to the restroom) that if anyone has an "issue" with the amount to be paid, please speak up, and I will cover their amount. The cheapo lady kept trying to put in her money and I would not allow it, saying, "no no, you've already made it clear that it would be a financial hardship for you. I'm completely fine with paying your share. I couldn't possibly ask you for $22.50."
She was soooo embarrassed, and should have been.
Again, if a person is dirt-starving-poor, it wouldn't even be a question. I would pay for them anyway and not expect them to kick in for my bottles of wine and meal choices.
I think it is rude to pretend to be oblivious to the fact that your share of the bill might be much larger and pretend yours is an equal share.
I totally disagree with the treatment you gave your coworker.
This happened to my husband and I. We went out with a couple who were big drinkers. They also ordered the more expensive items on the menu. When the waiter asked about the bill, I started to say separate and the guy spoke over me and said one bill was fine. I was kind of pissed. Unlike the OP's friends, this couple were clearly looking to cheapen out. We split the bill 50/50 and it was a lot more expensive for us. I will flat out say separate bills. If someone thinks Im cheap because I won't foot part of their bill then they don't have to hang out with me.
My husband and I went to dinner at a pricey place with two other couples years ago. He worked with the guys. We decided before we went that we would have one drink apiece and order the cheapest thing on the menu, as we did not have that much money. The other two couples ordered drinks, appetizers, expensive entrees, etc. The final bill was $400. Our portion with tip was $50. One of the guys said, "let's just split it three ways." I spoke up and said, "um, our portion is $50." I wasn't about to pay $130 dollars.
As BigDGeek says, that's how I roll. Never did go to dinner with them again, which was fine. Couldn't afford their lifestyle.
I was in a very awkward situation one time when friends invited me to join their dinner group. Once a month, this group of four couples goes out to dinner together. The time they invited me, the one who's my closest friend in the group and who knows that I'm on a budget (the other couples are all white-collar professionals who are very comfortable financially) said that the restaurant they chose is an Italian place that has some fairly inexpensive items on its menu. I accepted the invitation.
At the restaurant, I had one glass of wine and a $10 entree. My portion of the bill should've been less than $20, including the tip.
The four couples ordered two bottles of champagne, as well as wine and mixed drinks. Plus they ordered appetizers and desserts. As it turned out, it was the birthday of one group member, and the dinner club has a rule that when it's someone's birthday, that person and his/her spouse don't pay for their meals that night and the other members of the group split the cost of the birthday couple's meals. The huge bill was split into four (three couples plus lil' ol' me) and my portion of the bill, including an uber-generous tip, was almost $60. Even though the couples all know that I'm single and don't make nearly the money that they make, they looked at me and asked me for my one-fourth of the total bill. I was mortified. But not wanting to cause a scene, I simply handed over the money; lesson learned. Since then, I've turned down several invitations to join them for dinner. Now, I only accept their invitations for casual potluck parties at their homes where we all bring some wine and a dish to share. (By the way, my girlfriend apologized to me later and said she was terribly embarrassed that the group asked me to pay 1/4 of the total tab.)
The simple solution is to decide in advance to request separate checks. Most restaurants won't do separate checks for parties of 6 or more, but for 4 people it's usually not an issue.
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It should have been divided 7 ways, even with that rule. There were 9 people there. Couples may share bank accounts, but they do possess their own stomachs.
I always ask for separate checks. Most of my friends are big drinkers and eaters - I'm not. Their individual tabs are usually triple mine. There's no way I'm paying for their indulgence.
And LOL @ whoever said it was the respectable thing to do to pay more. How warped is that.
This is BS - I'm not paying more than my share and that isn't being cheap. If someone orders a bunch of drinks and the lobster and you order water and an appetizer, then they are being a MOOCH asking to split the check 50/50. I've worked in a lot of restaurants and it's very easy to split up the check by what each person had. I've never heard of splitting it being the norm. My friends and I always pay for what we each ordered unless it's the other person's birthday or a special occasion. Sometimes I want to go out and visit with friends, but I don't have a lot of extra cash. I would be horrified if I was expected to chip in and cover my friend's expenses.
It all evens out in the end- with friends, just enjoy the dinner and company and what for many of us is a rare night out at a restaurant and split the check. It's not a time to inject a complicated formula to remind everyone what each person ate and drank (how much of that appetizer did you share?) and then cause the server to have 15 minutes of busy work trying to go over everything with you and payments. That's how we roll. If it's an obvious disparity one of us will just throw out an easy dollar amount to subtract from a portion but typically we all just eat, drink and be merry.
In more formal or business settings there sometimes has to have a bit more calculating but it still shouldn't take over the essence of a shared meal.
If a couple or party is rude about (repeatedly) not acknowledging a disparity when dining together that's one thing- but a one time thing is something I can live with. I just make sure to order a similar, typical amount as the next person and budget accordingly.
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Even though the couples all know that I'm single and don't make nearly the money that they make, they looked at me and asked me for my one-fourth of the total bill. I was mortified. But not wanting to cause a scene, I simply handed over the money; lesson learned. Since then, I've turned down several invitations to join them for dinner. Now, I only accept their invitations for casual potluck parties at their homes where we all bring some wine and a dish to share. (By the way, my girlfriend apologized to me later and said she was terribly embarrassed that the group asked me to pay 1/4 of the total tab.)
