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I am the least well off of my family. Even of my extended family.
None of them need to assure that I have the same luxuries or toys or an excess of clothes and food. We all made different choices regarding family size, careers, etc. Life hands each different challenges and we are equipped to handle them.
We don't envy or pity each other. No one tries to keep up with another. And no one flaunts what they have in either material goods or opportunities.
Come to think of it, I've got a pretty good bunch. Going to go call everyone and just tell them I appreciate them.
Does your family have rich members and poor members? Should wealthy siblings have a responsibility to help out less fortunate ones?
If I were wealthy, I would feel that I have a responsibility to help out less fortunate ones.
HOWEVER, in some cases, and I'm sure we've all seen this, there are the lazy and whiny family members who are broke because of their own bad habits and then they point at the more successful members of their families and wonder why they don't give them money all the time.
My former BIL was like this. He had a landscaping business but he also had drinking and coke habits and spent more money than he made on a string of women. When his truck broke down, he asked his sister to lend him money for a new one, and she did. Then he never paid her back. When she asked when he was going to make a payment, he got angry at her for asking, saying that since she had a "rich husband" (he wasn't what you'd call really wealthy, but he had an executive position) she shouldn't be asking him to pay the money back.
Of course, after that, no one else in the family was ever going to help him again.
I don't think it's a matter of "I've got mine, you get yours" that you've been reading. I think those of us who have done well by our own efforts would help, just not doling out money. If someone is financially irresponsible, dumping money on the issue is not going to help. Taking diapers, food, clothing for the children is helping out; money for gambling, eating out, etc. is hurting actually.
I tried to help my sister out, she refused. We offered to rebuild her kitchen after a small fire, to put in a new water heater, and other issues to help out. She claimed she just hadn't found the style she wanted. Little did I know that installing a new furnace is not where she wanted to spend her money. She preferred to let the house go to foreclosure -- and didn't share that with me. She pretended to be helping our cousin out when she was actually just finding a warm place to sleep during the winter months and returned home to pack as soon as it warmed up while waiting for the bank to evict her.
Exactly what you said, bolded. I have a niece who has been a liar and a thief and just plain mean since she was a little girl. If she enters the room, you automatically remember where your purse is and make sure it's within your sight.
She dropped out of high school, got fired from three supermarkets for stealing cash from the register, had her first baby at 19 and somehow the father didn't have to pay support even though they went to court--we suspect that his famiy bought her off with a lump-sum payment and she didn't tell anyone. Then she met up with some other guy and had FOUR more children. At one point, feeling sorry for the kids, I'd sent her a few hundred dollars from time to time, after which I'd get a letter from her never saying thanks but instead asking for more money.
Eventually, when she and her "man" and the kids were living in their van at a campground and winter was coming, the family of the father of her last four pooled some resources and bought them a foreclosure house. It needs work, and the lazy man seems to actually be OK with fixing the place up--he's working on getting disability with a "bad back" story, but at least we know they have a roof over their heads. However, if everyone in our family kept helping these people, they would have eventually bled everyone dry. We all work, but nobody's rich. It's just the way some people live--off of others. And mysteriously, they feel entitled to do so.
Location: Finally escaped The People's Republic of California
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I guess if I ever hit 600 mil in the lottery I'd hook them up...otherwise I work hard for my money.......
Only real loser in the family is my Brother -in-Law....51 yrs old living with mom and looking for handouts and meth....won't give him anything....
I'm surprised by the answers on this topic. The general zeitgeist here seems to be "I've got mine, now you get yours."
So much for charity and compassion beginning at home.
So continuing on this vein....One family members goes out, works hard, makes good money they are now required to take care of someone who stays home, doesn't work and shows no interest in getting a job.
What is that teaching the lazy one? That you don't have to be a productive part of the universe because my hard working rich relative will support me.
That's an abuse of the charity and compassion that would probably be in the home if an effort was made on the bum's part.
Nobody is saying that if a family member fell on hard times and they were trying to pull themselves together that they would just let them crash and burn.
Granny Sue, it's not a question of either/or. It's not always the case that a less well-off family member is lazy, not looking for work, or a bum.
And for the record I detest the willfully unemployed; i.e. housewives.
I mean, I'd like to think if I ever lost my job, ran out of savings, my parents/brother/sister could take me in until I'd get some money together. And I'd do the same.
If my brother lost his job, and he needed money for a suit for an interview, I'd buy him a suit without thinking about it. If he lost his job and he was going to a wedding that's coming up and needed a suit, yeah right, haha. Hit the thrift stole pal.
I'd never ask my sibs for money and they'd never ask me. As was mentioned above, if I hit the jackpot and won a few hundred million, yeah, I'd spread it around a little, but otherwise we all have our own families to care for....
Does your family have rich members and poor members? Should wealthy siblings have a responsibility to help out less fortunate ones?
we had MAJOR inequality in my family. two sisters got free college, one did not. two sisters travel the world and one hasn't had a vacation in six years. not just no vacation, no time off period. so how does this work in real life? sister with money emails sister without and says "we're scattering mom's ashes on blah blah date (two weeks away) in blah blah state and we are willing to drive you one way". well the working sister cannot afford to go nor get time off and since mom's ashes have been in a jar going on 10 years, and since NO consultation of any sort was done, poor sister doesn't go. end of family on that note. too many years of similar crap.
My family... we all help each other when we can (and not just monetarily).
DH's family OTOH... oy vey. DH and I are not "well off". DH's youngest sister is not well off. We haven't asked for anything-- and have no intentions of doing so, given the nature of the family. The elder siblings do what they can to rub in our faces our poor status, then make a big deal out of us "depending" on them (though there's never ever been a situation where we or DH alone depended on them-- for anything).
There was a situation where DH and brother #2 (full siblings) got money from their grandmother's estate. Brother #1 (who earns well over 200K a year) and elder sister (earns almost as much as her brother) had a melt down because they didn't get anything (even though they were not at all related to the grandmother). A huge eye-opener for us as we realize money is NOT something to discuss with this family.
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