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My point stands, though. You're 50. It should be pretty obvious by now that they are who they are and that's just who they are. You can either work with them as they are, or you can put yourself through this.
I'm not trying to whack you over the head. My sibs and I are all in our 40s and 50s. We've had times where we've had to stand back, reassess, and just let go of all of those things that throw us right back into our childhood dynamics. Nothing promotes regression like family.
Now our parents are dead. That's why I'm saying that none of this matters. You probably don't want to get stuck with this as one of your more recent memories of yours. You never know when they're going to be taken from you. If I were you, I'd smooth everything over, and enjoy what time I have left with them. You'll be glad you did.
And now I'll stop writing because we are both online at the same time and probably talking past each other. Good luck!
LOL OK!
I am smooth. They are still coming to my house tomorrow - a rare event that I've been looking forward to all week. And I am not going to mention this whole stupid thing. I don't want to argue with them. And I'm sure they will dictate what we do, where we eat, and what time we all go to bed - because that's how they roll. And I'll go along with it, because ... well, life's too short to fight with them.
I didn't inflict all this on them - or on my daughter - in part because I KNOW my reaction is emotional, and not logical. The issues are a lot more complex than a simple Kindle. To me, my parents are unfair, selfish people and frankly, this is a disappointment to me, and one of the bigger disappointments of my life. It's not a new revelation - in fact, I spent some time in counseling to learn how to establish parameters with them, and I usually have a better grasp on these things when they come up.
I'm emotionally a bit off center lately, because I've had a LOT of family responsibilities come up - two sets of elderly parents (and in laws) with trips in and out of the hospital and back and forth to the doctor, the settling of an estate that was very gnarly (on my husband's side of the family, so I wasn't involved, but it was hard to see him get hurt in the process), then emergency surgery on my husband (ruptured appendix), and a ton of medical bills, and since my husband works out of town a lot, I've had to handle the vast majority of this by myself.
Now, I know other people have bigger problems, but my point is, I realize now that I have felt like I've given, and given, and given of my time, my energy, my resources, etc. to all these other people and now...
I ask ONE LITTLE FAVOR and BAM! LOL
NO SOUP FOR YOU!
Thank goodness for an upcoming vacation. I sure do need it!
So let me get this straight...you didn't read the post and now you're making fun of the OP. I think you should be ashamed of yourself for bothering everyone because you can't read past the first post. Some people...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grandpa Pipes
Ya see, I DID read the whole crying rant that is really so self-centered I wanted to puke!!
This person claims to be an adult but sounds like a spoiled brat to me.
So I said so!
Life's a witch then ya die so get over it!
I used to think I was the forum curmudgeon; but you have me beat every which way.
She is not being self-centered. She's discussing the relationship she has with her parents - and it began with asking for a small, tiny favor. Good grief! I am petrified about driving over bridges but I have done and will do so again for my children and grandchildren. THAT is what this thread is about - how her parents will not go even 2 feet out of their way for her; how she feels disrespected and dismissed by her parents. And she's not the only who sees her story that way. Talk about high horses and spoiled brats..........
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110
I'm not being rude. I'm being straight. She's turning a simple mistake on her part involving a THING into a huge issue in her family. She's turning something that could easily be rectified into a source of stress and aggravation for herself and for those around her by making it so much more difficult than it has to be. She left her Kindle there. Now her mistake is a power struggle dredging up a lifetime of angst.
Over a Kindle.
Get over yourself. It isn't about a kindle, it's about the unwillingness to treat her nicely or even fairly.
Not life-saving medication.
A Kindle.
Really?
If she's too busy to get it, then oh well, suck it up and go without!
Holy crap.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShellNic
I guess, Kathryn, some people have wonderful parents who lavished them with love. And so fairly and evenly among all the siblings. And they made sacrifices for their children instead of making their children incidental. I'm happy for them. I'm happy that their parents NEVER put their materialistic goods above the needs of their own flesh and blood.
But some of us understand how that one little thing, something so innocent, could turn into a nightmare. Some of us understand that parents are indeed selfish...and even when you're old (sorry...me, too), little things as not helping their own kid out is REALLY FRUSTRATING. Some people are so well rounded that nothing ever bothers them. Good for them.
I guess, Kathryn, some people have wonderful parents who lavished them with love. And so fairly and evenly among all the siblings. And they made sacrifices for their children instead of making their children incidental. I'm happy for them. I'm happy that their parents NEVER put their materialistic goods above the needs of their own flesh and blood.
But some of us understand how that one little thing, something so innocent, could turn into a nightmare. Some of us understand that parents are indeed selfish...and even when you're old (sorry...me, too), little things as not helping their own kid out is REALLY FRUSTRATING. Some people are so well rounded that nothing ever bothers them. Good for them.
True.
And I feel like a petty jerk, because I know that other people have MUCH bigger problems.
But you hit the nail on the head. It's been a really rough year for me and I've had more stress than usual - in fact, that may play into my forgetfulness!
My dad had outpatient surgery in April, and then he had complications. What should have been one day up there turned into about four days - spent driving him back and forth to the hospital, while my mother wouldn't even DREAM of going to the hospital with her husband (inconvenient, you know). But I didn't resent it - it's what daughters do, right? I mean, it does bother me that my mom won't provide any emotional or logistical support for my dad, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't do it.
About a month later, my husband's appendix ruptured so I had several more weeks of hospitals and nursing. Very stressful - he nearly died! That was really scary. Of course, it's just me, so I was head nurse for him as well.
He recovered by the end of May and was back to work - out of state. About this time, my mother (who is a hypochondriac who develops every condition she ever hears about from anyone) became CONVINCED that she had pulmonary thrombosis (she didn't - and in fact, had no condition whatsoever), and started calling me about four times a day going on and on and on about all these illogical medical symptoms - this went on for about a solid MONTH (in fact, she's still wearing an ace bandage around her calf - for no reason).
You know, you don't know how a person feels, and you hate to tell them to just go back to the doctor, but what she wanted was for me to come back up there, and drive her around to different doctors, because my dad was SICK of catering to her after she had been cleared by every doctor in town. Finally, I just had to say no, I am not coming up there again if you are not going to follow basic medical advice.
And my dad was calling me nearly every day telling me about how crazy my mother was acting - which was no surprise, because she's done this sort of thing all her life. But it's still maddening. I mean, she DID have a stroke awhile back - what if she's really sick? How would a person know?
So you see - these are pretty demanding people. The same people who wouldn't think of visiting me in the hospital - even if I was literally at death's door (been there, done that). I mean, it's inconvenient.
She is not being self-centered. She's discussing the relationship she has with her parents - and it began with asking for a small, tiny favor. Good grief! I am petrified about driving over bridges but I have done and will do so again for my children and grandchildren. THAT is what this thread is about - how her parents will not go even 2 feet out of their way for her; how she feels disrespected and dismissed by her parents. And she's not the only who sees her story that way. Talk about high horses and spoiled brats..........
so, OP, you keep a tally of things you've done for others? your recall/memory is exceptional in this regard from what I'm reading!
No. In fact, under stress, I tend to become more forgetful. Hence, the forgotten Kindle.
It's not that I keep a TALLY. But I do notice when I repeatedly do things for others, and they repeatedly treat me with disregard. Wouldn't it be unhealthy NOT to notice those things? How else would anyone establish healthy boundaries in their personal or professional lives?
Come on. Get off your high horse. If someone in your life expected you to do things for them, to go out of your way to help, etc - as most relationships require to some extent - wouldn't you notice if they didn't occasionally meet you half way, or at least respect the boundaries you put in place yourself? What would your reaction be?
HA! I have a Nook Color that I won last year in a raffle. I don't know how I lived before I got it. It's that awesome. I get it - we can also go without our cell phones, but if you aren't FORCED to, then why? Before I had a Blackberry (or a Nook), I didn't get it either though.
As to your family, they're just not nice people. I am the kind of person who will go out of my way for others, and enjoy the opportunity to do so. I don't know where I got it from. My family and my in-laws now take my going out of my way for granted but do not reciprocate. I have stories too - we should talk. Do you live in Texas? I'll make some coffee cake and coffee - what's your favorite? - and we'll clear..., well, we'll need a few weeks at least, right?!
The thing is, the problem is YOU. You were expecting what they are not capable of. You also need to stop doing anything for them that makes you feel resentful.
I am learning this now. My first test - my daughter's birthday this month. We have been estranged from one set of the in-laws for years, but this is their first olive branch. All of mine were cut off at the roots, but I'm not going to compromise who I am to teach them a lesson. That said, we're in a much worse financial situation than we were previous to the estrangement. It took them 3 days to accept the invitation to come... probably because when they wrote and asked what the plan was (via FB), I wrote back and told them what our plans were and said we were looking forward to seeing them there. THERE. Not here, at the house for a few days where we give up the master bedroom and cater to their every need and want. No mention of arrangements I've made for their comfort. This was tough for me - I was really stressed out trying to plan around them and my dh said, "Are you kidding? After everything that's happened? Don't do this to yourself."... it wasn't easy, but I did make a plan for my daughter's birthday based on HER wants and our immediate families needs/resources. Sounds obvious right? Not to me - it's always my desire to make everyone happy, and I about kill myself making it happen. Not anymore. They're adults, and I will do no more for them, than they ever have done for us. I'm not being vengeful, just not reciprocating in an uneven manner any longer.
Good luck!
ps I also get accused of the "tally" thing too - just because I can recall every detail of my life (yes, even what your 3rd cousin wore to the park the day we ran into the two of you 6 years ago and talked for 5 minutes) doesn't mean I'm "keeping score". I have to fake memory lapses because my memory makes people VERY uncomfortable!
Parents - I swear they just rebel as payment for our youth. My in-laws tend to do things to impact every vacation that we attempt. I don't think they mean to do it - they just do. You aren't alone in how you feel. But you can't do anything but love them for who they are.
And use City Data to vent a little. . . I feel better already!
Personally, i think you should just go get your kindle yourself... you could have been half way there by the time you finished writing your long diatribe.. ? honestly!
PS. I have the Android kindle App..
there is also one for you PC..
No kidding. Your parents raised you, your Dad wants his way, and you want yours. Sorry, you surely have more serious problems to worry about...your question is answered w/ your diatribe. You care more about the fact that you want your kindle, than your elderly parents having to drive on an interstate. You obviously are obsessed/addicted. I love reading....but I wouldn't consider reading for hours if I am visiting my grandkids or parents. Pick up a book.
No. In fact, under stress, I tend to become more forgetful. Hence, the forgotten Kindle.
It's not that I keep a TALLY. But I do notice when I repeatedly do things for others, and they repeatedly treat me with disregard. Wouldn't it be unhealthy NOT to notice those things? How else would anyone establish healthy boundaries in their personal or professional lives?
Come on. Get off your high horse. If someone in your life expected you to do things for them, to go out of your way to help, etc - as most relationships require to some extent - wouldn't you notice if they didn't occasionally meet you half way, or at least respect the boundaries you put in place yourself? What would your reaction be?
In a slight way I was poking fun. I can't personally say it's unhealthy not to notice or that it's particularly helpful to notice. But I'm very familiar with record keeping, venting and certain expectations in relationships with others etc. etc. I know how difficult it's been coming to realize most relational 'issues' begin with the man in the mirror so, no high horse, just recognizing some of my own thinking/behaving patterns
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honestly!
