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Here is the issue: You perceive your parents' existence as frivolous. From what you have written, nothing they do seems to be justifiable. It's all frivolous.
I fail to see a reason why, at 50 years old, you can't reason your way through this. It sounds as if you ONLY want the Kindle back if it comes back to you at the time, and via the method, that you want. And that's where you are way off track. Either drive and get the goddamn thing yourself, or send them a box with $30, including a ziploc bag and some bubble wrap for the Kindle, and have them send it back. Or wait until you meet them later. Don't expect your parents to go get it for you. They are in their 70s. It's not their job to do favors for people anymore, and to be honest, it sounds as if they aren't willing to do any for you in the first place.
In the meantime, you're traveling through an airport. Half the stores in airports sell friggin books. Buy some. Or get the mobile app. Or buy a $79 inexpensive backup Kindle. This is hardly a crisis.
I'm constantly amazed at how rude people are when it's clear they haven't read the entire post...and all the supplemental posts beyond the first...I wonder if it's really necessary to be so rude....
I understand you think you are being a rational, caring person to the parents you love. But that is the thing about co-dependence, the person dies't recognize that until they get it put in their face. Do yourself a favor and do some reading. One good starting point is Co-dependent No More.
I don't think the OP could have made this clearer, but I will try on her behalf:
IT..IS...NOT...ABOUT...THE...KINDLE.
It IS about being disrespected and treated unfairly.
Perhaps the Kindle should have never been mentioned in the first place. That way those of us reading the ENTIRE post would understand it was about being disrespected and treated unfairly.
For those choosing to misconstrue the OP here's part of the first post with bold added for emphasis:
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
So - I said, "Hmm, if I want to have that Kindle for my trip, and I don't want to inconvenience my daughter by having her have to package it up and mail it, then I guess I'll just need to go get it myself." My mom then says, "YOU ARE SO HARDHEADED! You have just GOT to have your way! And I think your fixation on this...this...KINDLE thing...is sort of odd." Then my dad pops in with this jewel: "OK, fine. If it will make you happy for your dad to compromise his principles, I will drive on the interstate (note - this would be one hour and fifteen minutes on the interstate) and pick up your Kindle."
See the demonization there? I am:
1. Hardheaded and must have my way.
2. Strangely addicted
3. Asking someone else to compromise their principles.
We don't know the tone the OP used when she said she'd get it herself. Maybe it was matter of fact. Maybe it was martyresque. Even presuming it was martyresqe (and Kathryn, I'm not saying it was, just saying that for the sake of making a point), the parents' reaction was still way out of proportion. The parents are well within their rights to refuse to get involved with getting the Kindle back to the OP. FOR WHATEVER REASON. Age related changes in driving or because they simply don't feel like it. But why the need of her parents to criticize her when she stated she'd get it herself?
These types of parents are controlling and try to control their children well into adulthood. They also like to humiliate and berate the child they choose as their scapegoat/target. When every action you take or word you say is jumped on and attacked by parents like this, a lot builds up. Because we try to be the bigger person. We try to be nice to them because they're faaaaammmmilllllyyyy. We try to be nice to them because life is short. When the dam finally bursts, there's a lot there. Especially when we've made numerous attempts to bridge differences and let things go. Sometimes it'll be one little thing which sets someone off
My mother and her cousin Mimi (Me! Me!, get it )had a huge falling out over a beach chair of all things. They are both inconsiderate people who have a tendency to not give a flying you know what about some people's feelings, yet you constantly walk on eggshells to avoid setting them off if you're their target. But in this one, gotta say my mom was right. My mom & her cousin are the same age, btw.
She asked this cousin to join us for part of a beach trip, thinking she'd stay overnight or maybe 2 nights. Mimi invited herself along for the full week. She insisted on splitting dinner 3 ways instead of half when my mom, her and I went out to dinner (my brother & his friend had made their own plans). This was before I went to college, which is when I left home. She didn't take my mother to dinner or anything else to thank her for staying with us. She had drinks, more than my mother and I didn't drink at all because I was underage at the time. Now, she wasn't obligated to treat us or even split the bill, but she could have asked for seperate checks to begin with. Then at least my mom wouldn't have been stuck paying more than her fair share of the bar tab. And even though we were outside and smoking was allowed, Mimi, a repented smoker, chided my mother for smoking before Mimi had finished every last morsel. And it wasn't a nice, "could you please wait a few more moments". It was one of those lecturing tsk-tsk type of things.
At the end of the trip, my mom dropped her off at the railroad station. My mom's car had been acting up and she wasn't sure if we were going to make it all the way home to our place. Her cousin tried to get us to wait to see her off in case her train didn't show!! This wasn't a one off or an aberration. Mimi has behaved like this repeatedly. I could give many more examples.
Another weekend after that they were at a local beach. They had matching beach chairs (the low to the ground type). Somewhere along the line, Mimi's broke. On that particular day Mimi announced they would take turns sharing the chair. My mother was relaxing when Mimi ordered, not requested, my mother out of her own chair. My mother was either very relaxed or napping before Mimi started in.
For my mother, that was the absolute last straw and she lost it and started yelling at Mimi. She's had nothing to do with Mimi since and that was over a quarter of a century ago.
From the surface, it appears their estrangement was over a beach chair, yet there was a lot more bubbling beneath the surface.
And it's easy to say set boundaries, enforce them and don't let yourself get upset. But that takes the knowledge that this is the best way to handle it, as well as the practice in doing it and standing up to people who try to guilt you for setting reasonable boundaries. Add to that, those of us in families like this are trained to do the exact opposite. Appease the difficult person and stuff our feelings down to keep the peace.
I'm still working on setting boundaries and enforcing them. As I have, things have been calmer and there's been less chaos and drama. But it does take time and practice.
Get over yourself. It isn't about a kindle, it's about the unwillingness to treat her nicely or even fairly.
Cool your jets, please. You are castigating people for not reading every post in the thread, and then you did the very same thing. If you read further, you will see the OP and I discussed it more, I noted how if this thing dredges up so much stuff it's probably a sign of bigger issues, etc.
It seems that those who have experienced this sort of parenting quickly grasp the real issue - that it's not about the Kindle at all, but about frustration at a lack of basic generosity of spirit - and their complete blindness to this fact.
Funny thing is, you probably would agree with me that you never know when it's just going to crawl all over you, ya know? I am so used to it, that I usually can ignore it, or point it out and laugh it off.
But every once in awhile, they find a weak spot in my armor!
I have a very, very difficult sibling. If I told you some of the things she has said and done, you'd be agog. I mean, she is stubborn, she is a martyr, she has appointed herself the family matriarch now that my parents are gone, she feels the need to constantly criticize everyone else for not doing things the way she'd do them, she's always late, I've yet to hear her ever apologize or admit she's wrong, when she does something for you there are so many strings attached it's a dang harp, when you say something that she disagrees with she twists it around to cast you in the worst possible light, she's hypersensitive, she can't stand to have any of us so much as enter a room in front of her, she's meddlesome, and she's a drama queen. She's certifiable. I actually feel bad for her husband. It's probably a good thing he barely speaks English.
The rest of us live by my mother's advice where it concerns this particular sister: Let it go in one ear and out the other.
Oh, my sister is still the most aggravating, annoying person I know. But because we all know this, and we all know the truth, I can't even get angry anymore. When she does or says something obnoxious, we all just kind of wink over her head and roll our eyes. We don't ask for her help with anything and we don't expect much from her because we know it will be more trouble than it's worth. In instances where we can't avoid the possibility that she'll do something that might cause a problem, we all create a workaround.
Is it a PITA? You bet. But at least we don't have to deal with her insanity. Once I got used to bending like the reed and just letting it flow over me, dealing with her became so much easier.
I would just go pick it up and think of the drive as sane time. Listen to the radio and watch the world go by.
If reading is your 'addiction', you are OK and good to go.
I do wonder why you are so averse to having your daughter just send it to you. The USPS box with postage included would only be about $6 and insurance would probably be about a buck. You can get tracking so you will know exactly when it will be delivered. Your daughter is probably out and about most days and a stop at the post office shouldn't be that much of a detour. If you feel bad about the money spent, send HER some money. It doesn't have to have anything to do with her husband. She is the one doing you the favor. You could even send the money by Paypal and have it all done and over with in less than a minute.
As far as your parents go.... Remember all the times they refused to be inconvenienced or go out of their way the next time they need something from you. Just say no. And if they ask why, tell them.
This has already used up way too much of your time and effort.
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)had a huge falling out over a beach chair of all things. They are both inconsiderate people who have a tendency to not give a flying you know what about some people's feelings, yet you constantly walk on eggshells to avoid setting them off if you're their target. But in this one, gotta say my mom was right. My mom & her cousin are the same age, btw.
