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And folks, there ya have it! Scarlet, you made this whole thread worthwhile because you said it best!
Sure 50 is senior, I'm there and I don't care, you can't beat it so you may as well forget about it and make the best of what's left of your life.
That's why I take very little serious, including this thread and myself ...It is a shame how some ruin their whole lives because of a childhood full of regrets and parents they can't ever change. I also think the parents are at the point where they live and let live and wash their hands as much as they can and do what they want when they want, during the short years they have left!
What a relief it is that nothing bothers you, you little senior citizen. That's awesome. How nice that you take nothing seriously and that while this seemed to be mostly a little journey for the OP, you've chosen a path of no resistence, because afterall, you can wash your hands of any unpleasantries.
Honestly, living like that is prefereable. I wish I could bury my head in the sand and forget every misgiving of my parents. On most things, as the OP, I believe I can and do. But there are those things that stick in our (we mortals) craw. I'm sorry to admit this, but I am human and sometimes, my parents' crappy behavior annoys me. My brain knows the correct path, but dangit if my heart doesn't sometimes get wounded.
How awesome for you that nothing bothers you. And the thing is, I do understand what you're spouting off about...and others who are a little nicer in their delivery. I don't even think the OP totally disagrees with the "conflicting" views...it's really a lot of tone about how great you are and how the OP isn't because she let this thing get to her. It would be better if we could just stick our heads in the sand and forget that some people misbehave...to let it go. I just hope you realize that there are some people, whose "enlightenment" comes in stages and when you come across those people, you really ought to watch how your tone just makes me want to put your head in the sand. Good grief!
I have been told several times here I'm not nice, I need anger management, etc...I don't suffer fools gladly and that's really the bottom line. I'm not being "nice" because why should I wrap it all up in cottoncandy with a cherry on top?
I have no patience for people who at age 50 still struggle with something that is too selfexplanatory and simple to even think about. By that age you have to realize that if a relationship upsets you and makes you unhappy, you should leave it. Why allow yourself to be upset by someone for so many years? Who says you can't cut ties with those who gave birth to you? You didn't pick your parents. They didn 't pick you. What's the problem? Quit worrying about society's rules!
If the reason you stick around is an inheritance, then you deserve to get nothing! I hope they sqander it all or give to charity because it's theirs, no one elses. If the reason you stick around is because you can't break the cycle, get working on it because someday they'll die and you'll be left with all kinds of emotional crap to deal with.
What's left? You either stay in touch or you don't. Don't you have free will?
If you're addicted to the emotional turmoil, then you can't complain about it to anyone. You need professional help with your addiction then...not from the dear Abbys on CD.
and..you know nothing about me or my past .so you have no idea of what all I've worked through to get to the point where I can say this stuff!
This is the truest thing you've said. And I don't care if your nice OR angry. I don't care if one or a hundred disagree OR agree. I don't even think the OP is disagreeing with the "get over it" part. For me, I take issue with you stating your opinion as fact. As in, by a certain age, you've shoulda, coulda, woulda. I'm quite certain you are no expert on MY life.
And maybe the OP, like me, doesn't really want to cut these people out of her life. It's not as though their thoughtlessness is something to seek out, but there is a bond worth keeping. From my standpoint, it is NOT about their money. My problem with my parents is that they do think it's about the money. So sad, because I DID expect love from them. Silly me.
I get you're at a point where you think you can say whatever you want...for that matter, I'm there, too. But you've assumed a lot about the OP and brought all this anger with you. The OP has even stated that she's over it...you might argue she's hanging on to some residual irritation. Why on earth is that so hard to imagine? With all the anger you display, I find it difficult to believe that you "let everything go". In fact, I've never met one single human being who was able to "let everything go". Perhaps one day I will and will feel blessed...but acting like nothing bothers you is cra-cra!
Who said my opinion is fact? Isn't what you say here your opinion? That's what I meant when I said I don't take anything serious....
You shouldn't expect love from anyone, it's a sad truth, a cruel reality..this is part of the BS they tell us when were kids, that our parents love us unconditionally, just like jesus does ..there's no such thing! There are conditions attached to everything " if you say this, I'll do that: if you do that; I'll react this or that way" ...
I never said nothing bothers me either. It's just that nothing that happens to me now can beat what has already happened ...So from now on it's all minor and what happens in someone else life sure does not bother me, no. I might worry about it if it were a friend who's telling me their problems but this is not like that at all. But I'd give it to them straight too. Plus you can't control a darn thing in this life anyway so why bother getting riled up? I'm not angry, why should I get angry about someone elses stuff? This is how I write, straight, to the point with no ribbons or lace attached. Everyone who knows me is used to it. So maybe it's because you're not that you react a certain way. I'll not apologize for being the way I am...it's not the senior thing to do! Besides, it took me all this time to become and remain a classy B...
Who said my opinion is fact? Isn't what you say here your opinion? That's what I meant when I said I don't take anything serious....
You shouldn't expect love from anyone, it's a sad truth, a cruel reality..this is part of the BS they tell us when were kids, that our parents love us unconditionally, just like jesus does ..there's no such thing! There are conditions attached to everything " if you say this, I'll do that: if you do that; I'll react this or that way" ...
I never said nothing bothers me either. It's just that nothing that happens to me now can beat what has already happened ...So from now on it's all minor and what happens in someone else life sure does not bother me, no. I might worry about it if it were a friend who's telling me their problems but this is not like that at all. But I'd give it to them straight too. Plus you can't control a darn thing in this life anyway so why bother getting riled up? I'm not angry, why should I get angry about someone elses stuff? This is how I write, straight, to the point with no ribbons or lace attached. Everyone who knows me is used to it. So maybe it's because you're not that you react a certain way. I'll not apologize for being the way I am...it's not the senior thing to do! Besides, it took me all this time to become and remain a classy B...
OK, now that's funny (in a good way). I hear what you're saying...finally!! I really was lost on your exact point. And yea, there are some really crappy life lessons out there. I thought you were saying nothing bothers you because your mantra seemed to be "get over it". Well yea, that's the ideal thing to do. I'm saying it isn't as easy as saying it. At least for me it isn't.
Well, I'm exhausted. I don't know about you, but I need to relax. At the end of the day, Maggie, I'm with ya!
OP...since the you were very clear in you frustration of your parent selfishness and now that the forum bullies have made an appearance you might want to quit responding to them. They will only continue to twist your words.
It really does just encourage them and before you know it your parents will indeed be saints and you had no right asking them to go two minutes out of their way to do you a small favor.
This is the truest thing you've said. And I don't care if your nice OR angry. I don't care if one or a hundred disagree OR agree. I don't even think the OP is disagreeing with the "get over it" part. For me, I take issue with you stating your opinion as fact. As in, by a certain age, you've shoulda, coulda, woulda. I'm quite certain you are no expert on MY life.
Right on.
I am NOT, by the way, disagreeing with the "get over it" message. In fact, I am quite over it and have been for weeks now. I'm just discussing this further because it's interesting to me. Emotionally I'm very much "over it."
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And maybe the OP, like me, doesn't really want to cut these people out of her life. It's not as though their thoughtlessness is something to seek out, but there is a bond worth keeping. From my standpoint, it is NOT about their money. My problem with my parents is that they do think it's about the money. So sad, because I DID expect love from them. Silly me.
You are very right (and sorry about your parents by the way).
I most definitely DO NOT want to cut my parents out of my life, and it's not about the money. I've repeatedly listed the things we enjoy together, the love that we have for each other, etc. I do believe my parents love me - as best as they know how - and I know that I love them - the best I know how to do so.
It's not about the money and never has been. My parents are interesting, dynamic, artistic, creative people who are also brilliant conversationalists (traits I enjoy in relationships). But besides that - they are the only mother and father I will ever have. I believe that children and their parents have certain obligations to each other - certain responsibilities - and that much of the unpleasantness we can run across in those relationships simply has to be worked through.
This is why there are so many pages to this thread - because I'm working through things in my mind, and it's important to me to do so - because I intend to be involved with my parents warmly and helpfully for as long as they are alive. I believe it is my responsibility - and in spite of our differences, I love my parents very much.
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I get you're at a point where you think you can say whatever you want...for that matter, I'm there, too. But you've assumed a lot about the OP and brought all this anger with you. The OP has even stated that she's over it...you might argue she's hanging on to some residual irritation. Why on earth is that so hard to imagine? With all the anger you display, I find it difficult to believe that you "let everything go". In fact, I've never met one single human being who was able to "let everything go". Perhaps one day I will and will feel blessed...but acting like nothing bothers you is cra-cra!
OP...since the you were very clear in you frustration of your parent selfishness and now that the forum bullies have made an appearance you might want to quit responding to them. They will only continue to twist your words.
I agree - good point.
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It really does just encourage them and before you know it your parents will indeed be saints and you had no right asking them to go two minutes out of their way to do you a small favor.
Har!
True about time being short with them - too short to carry grudges and be angry at them - or worse yet - to cut them out of my life because of their selfishness, which I do believe is unconscious on their part and sort of their "automatic" mode. I do not think they mean it personally - I think they are oblivious.
Here's how I see it:
1) I had the right to ask them to do me a small favor.
2) They had the right to refuse.
3) I had the right to be put out with them and frustrated - and I had the right to tell them why.
4) They have the right to ignore me, listen to me, disagree, whatever.
5) When I tell them how I feel about it, and they tell ME how THEY see it (whether agreeing or disagreeing) both parties take risks.
But the line of communication stays open -and at the end of the day, that's the most important thing to me.
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on CD.
