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This is a tough situation but I think you absolutely must tell him before the visit. Do you want to establish a relationship with your dad based on a lie, or do you want to establish one based on mutual love and respect because your dad knows the person you really are? I think it will be even worse if he comes over and you guys have a great trip together, then later he finds out and disowns you. I'd rather know right from the start how he feels about it. It may take him some time to come around to the idea especially if he's lived his entire life in a culture that isn't accepting of being gay. He may be totally fine with it. There's just no way to know. I can't imagine facing something like this, but if your dad isn't accepting you'll still be fine. You've been fine without him all this time. Good luck!
What, pray tell, are you losing should you tell him and he pitch a fit and disown you?
Not trying to be harsh, but if I were in your shoes, my partner's feelings would be worth so much more than my father's at this stage, and I would not hide her or deny her existence for someone I haven't even SEEN in 22 years, parent or not. You're an adult. Own yourself. In other words, "Hey, Dad, I'm gay and I live with my girlfriend. If you're not okay with that, please don't come and visit me."
I'm one for blunt honesty. This post I completely agree with. IF I were in this situation, this is how I would do it.
To have to deal with it in this day and age is ridiculous.
Just because one is gay - and announces it - does not mean everybody is obligated to approve.
That's the way it is. Not saying it is "right," I'm saying that it is unrealistic to acknowledge that some
people may not be okay with your "outside the norm" sexual orientation.
And your Mom may be giving you a 16-ton hint with:
Quote:
My mom never fails to tell me Russia's stance on this issue and how conservative my father is.
They probably have discussed homosexuality in general, and she probably knows how he would react.
To my way of thinking, it's really no one else's business who you love.
You can demand and exercise your "right" to be honest; but guess what....just because a person is honest, doesn't guarantee that the news will be well-received.
I would take your father's age and his beliefs into account and proceed accordingly.
If he wants to know, he will ask. JMO and good luck ~
What, pray tell, are you losing should you tell him and he pitch a fit and disown you?
Not trying to be harsh, but if I were in your shoes, my partner's feelings would be worth so much more than my father's at this stage, and I would not hide her or deny her existence for someone I haven't even SEEN in 22 years, parent or not. You're an adult. Own yourself. In other words, "Hey, Dad, I'm gay and I live with my girlfriend. If you're not okay with that, please don't come and visit me."
Yes, she could go this route, easier said than done I'm thinking.....Her partner (unless she's 10 years old) is not gonna feel hurt if she decides to decieve her father, calling her a roomate instead of girlfriend is NOT denying her existence, nor is it hiding her.....If she hasn't seen this man in 22 years, how's a little deception just to keep the peace going to hurt anything....that's something she could discuss with her partner....maybe she's afraid her father might reject her, and she LOVES him,...pretending something is, what it really isn't, for a very short amount of time, to keep this man happy, might not be such a bad thing.....but this option would of course be only for those who truly fear the alternative of "coming out".
Only she can say whether she and Dad have a loving relationship that she wants to keep or just a wishful one.
How often is the communication? How true is it?
Is it worth denying her partner for?
Personally I wouldn't call it "denying" her partner, and I doubt her partner would see it that way either.
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