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Actually if you know they are financially in a bind and you stay over, you should give them the cost of similar accommodations like $50/night and buy them a couple days worth of groceries instead of just staying for free and doing free laundry. Maybe they can't be bailed out but at least you can help them out that way.
When we stay at her parents for the weekend, we usually always bring our laundry, but we don't eat their food because my GF doesn't like her moms cooking. But her mom is usually super generous offering whatever she has and always welcomed us to wash our clothes there. I usually show my gratitude by treating them out to a nice dinner or breakfast. What's given and taken isn't usually measured in dollars down to the cent.
We were taken a back this past weekend because her usually generous mother greets her by asking for money and blaming our 2 loads of laundry for the high water bill.
When people are in a financial bind, every penny is important...laundry adds to the water bill and the electric bill and gas bill and wear and tear on the washer/dryer (may not seem like much to you but everything adds up for them and can break at the worst time when they can't afford replacing). Probably like the straw (a few dollars) that breaks the camel's back. They probably will lose the house, they can't be generous the way they used to be, it might be time for you to be super generous now in the same way they were super generous to you, to get them through the tough times. I'm not saying pay their mortgage, that's throwing money away if the right thing for them is move into a smaller affordable place, I'm just saying help them out with little acts of kindness.
If the cost of a motel stay is the price for peace and quiet, it's worth it. I would never stay at my parents' house unless my house burned down and every hotel in town was full.
My mom used to offer to do our laundry when we were first married. It was just so she could guilt-trip us later. I never took her up on the offer, I don't like her detergent or fabric softener and she wouldn't let me use my own. Also, a trip to the laundromat takes 2 hours max. That's 2 hours of sitting and chilling and playing games on your phone or listening to music, vs. untold hours of parents grumbling or finding little chores for you to do around the house while the laundry is being done, one slow load at a time.
We used the laundromat for years while we were both in school and super busy with work. We would take all the laundry early Sunday morning and read the paper or study. 1.5 hours or less later and all was done for the week. Easier than running up and down and doing a load at a time. It was a clean and staffed laundromat.
since you are so financially independent, get a hotel and find a laundromat. don't complain about the parents who RAISED her asking for anything, then use their laundry, begrudgingly help with the water bill, and use their house as a hotel.
You have some good answers already and more than one perspective. That's a good thing. Consider all sides to the story and all options.
I only read a few responses, so I don't know if it's been suggested, but she might also want to help them by doing some research and giving them some information on help with their mortage or selling their house and moving into something they can afford.
I agree that if she can help them out a bit, that she should. But there are a lot of things to be considered and just because they are your parents doesn't necessarily mean they automatically deserve your help.
Family dynamics are to be considered. Did they abuse her when she was growing up? Or did they simply discipline her. Did they work their buts off to give her the things she needed or did they neglect her?
How much would she have to give up in order to help them. Would it cause her to go into further debt. Would it put HER home at risk? OR does it just mean she would have to give up her daily visit to starbucks and purchasing a designer pair of shoes and purse for that week.
Each situation is different. We don't know all the details, so it's impossible to tell you what is best for HER and HER FAMILY.
I hope she is able to figure out the right thing to do without being taken advantage of, or having any regrets for not helping out her family.
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