Any advice on how I could successfully arrange a solo drive of my car, avoiding questions from prying family member? (girlfriend, male)
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I have an elderly, dependent family member who currently lives with me (due to her being nearly 100% financially dependent on me). We live in something like a "detached condo-like" situation, since she and I both have our own detached, separately-partitioned floors, separate entrances and exits, and we each have our own separate utilities and eating/dining/kitchen areas. However, she is also on the title to my car (long story short, at the time I bought my car a few years ago, and without my advance knowledge or consent, she successfully manipulated the dealership I was buying the car from to add her to the car title, without asking me first...so by the time I bought the car, the damage was already done).
As a result of this situation, and again even though we both reside in completely separate living areas with no overlap, because she has free access to my car, and can't afford one of her own, she pretty much always wants to know wherever I am going, whenever I leave the house. She always asks, and doesn't exactly like to take "None of your business" for a answer
I would like to go for a 10-hour day trip this Monday to a different state to officially buy an engagement ring for the girl that I love and want to marry in the future, but I don't want to tell the family member -- not yet; that is for later on --, as it would set off alarm bells in her head, and she would very likely try to prevent an engagement from even happening, as she has historically seen women I have been interested in romantically as a financial threat to her. Therefore, to avoid prying questions from her on this, I am probably going to have to come up with an alternate reason of why I am going to be gone for 10 hours this Monday, that she will not get suspicious about.
Does anyone hopefully have any advice, on what I could say to her? I can't exactly tell her I'm going to work, because she knows Monday is a holiday. For prying family members who try to interfere in your life like this, does anyone have any examples of ways they were successfully able to make something like this happen, if they wanted to take the car out solo, but didn't want family members asking questions about why or where they were going?
Thanks in advance for anyone's kind help in answering!
ETA: FWIW, I pay all of the monthly mortgage payments on the house, and all of the monthly auto payments on the car, as the family member is insolvent and financially-dependent on me, and so she is therefore unable to contribute to household financial expenses.
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 05-22-2013 at 07:05 PM..
Reason: Edits
Get in your car and start driving, call her after you are on the road, tell her you will be back when you get back, hang up and go about your business.
You are an adult, put on your big boy pants and start living your life, time to grow up.
Get in your car and start driving, call her after you are on the road, tell her you will be back when you get back, hang up and go about your business.
You are an adult, put on your big boy pants and start living your life, time to grow up.
I agree 100%, about manning up, so to speak...and I have actually done that before, of course (i.e., driving off as you had described above). That's not the problem, the problem is rather that when I get back home, she is going to pryingly insist on knowing where I went, and what exactly I was doing. She may even figure out or guess the truth (she has a built-in knack, for that), and if she does, she will inevitably go ballistic on me.
I really just have to have a plausible story that I can tell her, without arousing her suspicions...
I agree 100%, about manning up, so to speak...and I have actually done that before, of course (i.e., driving off as you had described above). That's not the problem, the problem is rather that when I get back home, she is going to pryingly insist on knowing where I went, and what exactly I was doing. She may even figure out or guess the truth (she has a built-in knack, for that), and if she does, she will inevitably go ballistic on me.
I really just have to have a plausible story that I can tell her, without arousing her suspicions...
You have a much larger problem that how to explain where you're going Monday. If she lives on a separate floor with her own entrance and kitchen, etc., and YOU are paying her expenses, she has no right to be poking her nose in your business. What are you going to do when you and your girlfriend get married?
Let her go ballistic, then tell her if she can't allow you to function as an independent adult, she needs to make other living arrangements. You hold the cards in this relationship, not her. Just be civil but firm with her. Otherwise your marriage is going to be a gigantic headache for you and your g/f.
"I am an adult, it is none of your business where I go." If she attempts to grill you, go to your side of the house, lock your door and let her think whatever she wants to.
The real issue is why you are so afraid of her and her reactions, honestly, this fear of her makes no logical sense to me. Have you considered therapy? As long as you allow her to control you, there will be no "happy marriage" in your future.
You have a much larger problem that how to explain where you're going Monday. If she lives on a separate floor with her own entrance and kitchen, etc., and YOU are paying her expenses, she has no right to be poking her nose in your business. What are you going to do when you and your girlfriend get married?
An excellent and very valid question. In response to the bolded selection above: if any interference from the family member is encountered whatsoever upon a future marriage, the only real alternative I can see is for me to move out completely, and to just get an apartment, entirely away from the family member. I will not tolerate any intimidation or imposition from her in a post-marriage situation, in any event.
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Let her go ballistic, then tell her if she can't allow you to function as an independent adult, she needs to make other living arrangements. You hold the cards in this relationship, not her. Just be civil but firm with her. Otherwise your marriage is going to be a gigantic headache for you and your g/f.
In addition to me having ownership and title to the house, she is technically also jointly on the title of the house, as well...another very long story... (Believe me, if I had to do it all over again, I never would have willingly agreed to such an arrangement, but there is no sense in me crying over spilled milk though.)
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 05-22-2013 at 07:45 PM..
"I am an adult, it is none of your business where I go." If she attempts to grill you, go to your side of the house, lock your door and let her think whatever she wants to.
The real issue is why you are so afraid of her and her reactions, honestly, this fear of her makes no logical sense to me. Have you considered therapy? As long as you allow her to control you, there will be no "happy marriage" in your future.
Thank you for your helpful advice; I deeply appreciate it and think it is indeed a very excellent suggestion. I don't fear her...I just don't want to have to worry about her trying to make my life miserable is all.
1) I don't believe for a minute that she SOMEHOW "accidentally ended up" on the title of both your car and home. She must have contributed $$ for both or you needed her to co-sign.
2) Why not go ahead and move out now? There is nothing magic that will change when you get married.
3) Tell her you have a doctor's appointment about male issues. If she persists, give her more details than she can handle.
1) I don't believe for a minute that she SOMEHOW "accidentally ended up" on the title of both your car and home. She must have contributed $$ for both or you needed her to co-sign.
No, I am telling the 100% truth; I promise and assure you. The car was financed completely and entirely by me. There was no co-signing (as I mentioned earlier, she is nearly-100% financially insolvent). She therefore pays nothing towards the auto loan payments. There was also no financial contribution by her, during the purchase. I was actually shocked to find out that she had title to the car, when she pays absolutely nothing toward it -- all I know is that she somehow successfully convinced the car dealership to add her to the title, and specifically without telling or asking me about it. I found out about it only after-the-fact, and by then it was already too late to make a difference.
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2) Why not go ahead and move out now? There is nothing magic that will change
when you get married.
There is a small chance it could still potentially work. She had a recent change of heart, regarding me and the whole concept of marriage, since now, she actually very much wants and is excited for me to potentially be married in the future. And so she might be willing to possibly cooperate. However, I want the engagement to be a 100% done deal, before I tell her about it. And if she does not cooperate, I will move out regardless.
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3) Tell her you have a doctor's appointment about male issues. If she persists, give her more details than she can handle.
Thank you -- that is actually an excellent idea! Thx again for your outstanding suggestion...
You have a much larger problem that how to explain where you're going Monday. If she lives on a separate floor with her own entrance and kitchen, etc., and YOU are paying her expenses, she has no right to be poking her nose in your business. What are you going to do when you and your girlfriend get married?
Let her go ballistic, then tell her if she can't allow you to function as an independent adult, she needs to make other living arrangements. You hold the cards in this relationship, not her. Just be civil but firm with her. Otherwise your marriage is going to be a gigantic headache for you and your g/f.
This is sound advice.
Also, I would get her name off of your car title and your house title, otherwise I predict even bigger problems in the future.
I'm a layperson (not an attorney) but it seems that you should have immediately complained to the car dealer about the error on the title and had it corrected. It would seem that they would be in big, big legal trouble for making an error of that nature.
Last edited by germaine2626; 05-22-2013 at 08:48 PM..
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Thx again for your outstanding suggestion...
