Any advice on how I could successfully arrange a solo drive of my car, avoiding questions from prying family member?
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Sounds like you got yourself in a toxic relationship. These are hard to break especially if you have been dealing with this person your whole life. First to answer your question about the trip, dont mention it until you have left with the car. If this person has the boundaries issues you have described, she might take off in the car before you get a chance. Give her a call, tell her you decided to take a day trip AFTER you are already on the road. When she asks why, say I am meeting a friend and I will be gone all day, then hang up. This is going to be your first step in setting limits. Do not answer the phone if she calls. When you get home, she will probably be riled up and again, start establishing those boundaries. Tell her you met a friend. If it turns into a blow out, simply her that things have to change.
Next step is getting her off the title. Not sure how that occurred but its not the first time I have seen shady dealings at a car dealership, you can have her removed. She may have to sign off. This will be your next battle. If she refuses then tell her she can take over the payments. Honestly, this is going to get ugly and the suggestion for therapy is a valid one, although I think the comment was a bit snarky. You are going to need someone to guide you through getting this person to off your back.
The house situation i am assuming you got involved in because you needed a cosigner on the mortgage. Good luck to you. Toxic relationships can suck the life out of you but you will feel so much better not having to answer to someone and being able to live your own life.
Last edited by fallingwater; 05-23-2013 at 05:30 AM..
Reason: spelling
To OP: I hope that you don't think that we (follow-up posters) are trying to be mean.
I know that I am trying to be helpful and share valuable advice that I have learned during my 60 plus years on earth. Please consider the questions & suggestions that we posted.
To OP: I hope that you don't think that we (follow-up posters) are trying to be mean.
I know that I am trying to be helpful and share valuable advice that I have learned during my 60 plus years on earth. Please consider the questions & suggestions that we posted.
^^^I hope he returns. I feel bad for him. Some people truly have some wicked people in their families. Breaking free takes time and confidence.
First thanks for taking care of some one who need help! Now as some have said You do need to find a laywer and get all your paper work cleaned up. Her name off every thing !! This is for your safety and Before you think about a new wife. How does she deall with all this ,I know she must know and if she love thinks it will get better ! Wrong it will ot till you get the stuff all done. Make a list and do it! I don know what I would do .Tell a l am I going out for the day not sure where or what I doing see ya to night! Or better yet make it a weekend trip ? then she know you be gone ll weekend! You have the right as a person that is taking care of your self and Her also to do and have fredom to go and come, I have seen many older folks take charge of others lifes and control them, I do hope you can get this all settled.It will not be a over night fix but many weeks/months to really get the need freedom you need and will have to have before you can start a new life as a husband, Or no joke you be on the DR Phip show< Thank you caring for her but it now time to make new plans! Good luck!
Moderator cut: snip
I did want to add a few thoughts to try to help you okay?
I don't really think anyone here is trying to be mean or hurt your feelings. They are just truly shocked to hear about how you live.
I know for you after having lived with this person and your other very dysfunctional family the whole of your life this stuff seems just "par for the course", right?
In life we can sometimes get so used to our own reality that we lose sight of the bigger picture - of a normal life. We start thinking, "well, I don't like this, but this is just the way life is."
Thing is, it's not! But we grow so accustomed to the "crazy" that that becomes our normal!
When this happens other people with no emotional involvement in the situation can look at it with much fresher eyes than we can. They can see the whole forest when all we can see is the trees!
You are mired down in crazy honey.
I am so sorry about that. You deserved better!
And kudos to you for coming so far in your life all on your own, despite the dysfunction you had to contend with.
Please consider a few things...
Speak to an attorney. Get some legal help untangling your title problems! Don't allow this person to keep manipulating you this way.
Speak to a therapist. You are an amazing guy who has dealt with a lot. Now is the time to get yourself ready to be someone's husband one day. I know that means the world to you, so you want to be successful at it, right? Then take the time now to do what you have to do to learn about boundaries and emotionally healthy ways of living okay?
I wish you all the best going forward!
Last edited by 7G9C4J2; 05-23-2013 at 09:58 AM..
Reason: deleted orphaned section
Maybe the OP is just naive and a really nice person just being taken advantage of. I'd sell everything and put the leach into a nursing home or hire a hit man.
... Honestly, this is going to get ugly and the suggestion for therapy is a valid one, although I think the comment was a bit snarky. You are going to need someone to guide you through getting this person to off your back.
The house situation i am assuming you got involved in because you needed a cosigner on the mortgage. Good luck to you. Toxic relationships can suck the life out of you but you will feel so much better not having to answer to someone and being able to live your own life.
I'm sorry if my comment was snarky, it was not my intention at all. It's just that reading the whole story, I got a feeling that he really needed to stop and think about what's going on before continuing. I actually wrote a longer post that I later deleted. I don't want to scare him, but as germaine says, there are warning signs all around and if he wishes to really live his life and make his own decisions, he should first take another look at the situation, how it got to be and how to get out. Looking for a plausible excuse to take off in your car on a holiday is not going to resolve the situation. It's just sneaking around and he's old enough to not having to do that.
In life we can sometimes get so used to our own reality that we lose sight of the bigger picture - of a normal life. We start thinking, "well, I don't like this, but this is just the way life is."
Thing is, it's not! But we grow so accustomed to the "crazy" that that becomes our normal!
When this happens other people with no emotional involvement in the situation can look at it with much fresher eyes than we can. They can see the whole forest when all we can see is the trees!
You are mired down in crazy honey.
I am so sorry about that. You deserved better!
...
^^^^^ I agree.
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