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I think she probably has issues with losing her youth. I had a friend like that. She was still wearing mini skirts and tight clothing way past her shelf life for that sort of thing. She would also act flirty in the way she did when she was in her twenties and it made everyone wince because it was creepy behavior for a 45-year-old. I think she saw herself in a few videos and photos taken at summer barbecues and came to realize that she looked ridiculous on her own. She still likes to be fashionable but covers up better these days and is much more age-appropriate in her manner of dress.
Why is it acceptable for a 20yo but creepy for a 45yo? Aren't 45yos allowed to love and be loved too? Not all of them are married with children you know.
Why is it acceptable for a 20yo but creepy for a 45yo? Aren't 45yos allowed to love and be loved too? Not all of them are married with children you know.
Why is it acceptable for a 20yo but creepy for a 45yo? Aren't 45yos allowed to love and be loved too? Not all of them are married with children you know.
Quote:
Originally Posted by breakingbad
Gravity.
Ha, yeah, that made me laugh but it's a factor. To The Postman, it's creepy for a 45 yo becausde a 45 yo isn't in the bloom of youth as the 20 year old is. It's just not as pretty. Yeah, we could make a case that the 45-year-old still has her sexuality and that's true, but there is a reason a 20-year-old looks the way she does and a 45-year-old looks different.
Take some pictures of her and give them to her. Maybe she needs to see what everyone else sees.<snip>
Feel free to share pics here too - even from the neck down!
How about taking her shopping at Forever21?
Could it shock some sense into her?
Good luck!
BTW, I knew a woman who dressed like her 16-17 year old daughter. It wasn't a disaster but it was a tad unseemly. Things simmered down when the young one left for college.
I have a couple of thoughts. First, don't go with her when she puts on a truly objectionable outfit. Tell her why, without saying, "You look like a tramp." You could say, "Your clothing choices embarrass me," which I guess isn't that much better, but still I wouldn't use the word "tramp."
The other suggestion is to take a few shots of her with your camera phone. Get a couple of her in one of her embarrassing poses. Email her the shots. Say, "I though you might like to see these."
Beyond telling her how her dressing makes you feel, or showing her how awful she looks, I don't know what else you can do. But I do feel that if her manner of dressing embarrasses you, you are within your rights to refuse to be seen around town with her. I don't think you should refuse all contact with her, though. She sounds like she needs a friend.
I had a distant relative who was around 50 years of age and dressed like she was in high school. She wore really tight clothes and revealed a lot by having her large chest pushed out with revealing low neckline blouses and sweaters. She always dressed like that, pretty much all the time.
While she was a nice-looking, slender body with botox and breast-enhancements, excessive make-up and expensive hair stylings, it made her look cheap in my opinion. I saw her with a very vain personality, but also wanting attention drawn to herself by dressing like that. She did not dress age-appropriate. And this particular woman was married 3 times over the decades.
Don't know if anyone picked up on this,but why is it ok for the one with the larger chest and great figure to wear tight clothing but not ok for the out of shape,not so great figure to wear tight,revealing clothing?
People should be able to wear whatever they want. Many women still look incredible well into their 40's. Why should they suddenly have to hide their bodies the minute they hit 40? People age at different rates anyway and a lot depends on genetics and how well you take care of yourself. A 30 year old who has spent her life chain smoking, lacking exercise and binge eating is not going to look as good as a 45 year old who has made an effort to stay in shape and has taken care of herself.
If you see other people staring at, talking about, or otherwise being less than approving of your friend, you can have a general conversation about what you've observed in other people and keep yourself out of it, to minimize the hurt. If she says, "I don't care what other people think!", you may or may decide its wise to say those other people include you and others close to her. It's fair to intervene in some way if it's really for your friend's own good, but you have to make sure your intentions are pure and free of self-interest. She does, ultimately, have the right to wear what she pleases. A good friend has to be respectful of this.
I go places with friends who don't look or act the way I would, but I don't internalize it. It's not really a reflection on me. I like what I like about them, appearances be darned. I've only mentioned it if I truly see it hurting them in some way.
And if it were me and my friend, I'd stick to addressing the "skimpy" or tight-fitting and lay off the "age appropriate". That's all subjective, and relative. My mother is always on my case not to wear younger styles at 43, but I wear things that fit properly, aren't too revealing, and I like them. They fit my personality.
Maybe your next outing together could be a shopping trip. Try on things like you see her wearing, and put her in things you think are more appropriate. You may not have to say a word.
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