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I've known my friend for over 30 years, we're both in our 40's. When we were younger we spent a lot of time together and were roommates for a year or so post high school. Very slowly over time we've grown more and more distant and at this point we couldn't be any more different. Her communication style with most people is very "I'm right and you're wrong" about most everything and I find her critical, judgmental behavior very irritating - it's more about how she comes across on most anything rather than our actual differences. I've tried talking to her about this in the past but it either falls on deaf ears or she will attempt to argue me into the ground over it. I have zero interest in any further discussion over her chosen communication style or reviving the friendship. FWIW, I'm sure in 30+ years I haven't been the perfect friend either but she has never chosen to communicate any less than positive issues with me.
I'm done with the remnants of this friendship from my past and would like to take it off life support as it is quickly nearing a permanent vegetative state. I tend to be loyal and not typically a "friend dumper" but once I reach the state of 'done,' I am done and like to move on with no further reminders of the person. What's the best way to move on in terms of social media, email, texting, etc without being overtly mean-spirited? As one example, I'd like to delete her from Facebook but on first glance it seems mean. I've long had her updates hid from my timeline but I do catch myself looking at her profile a couple times a month - I no longer want the ability to do that.
You need to have some restraint at the beginning of this and not look at her profile. I would just lay low and not respond to anything for a while and then just remove her from things later if she's not stalking you then you should be okay. Just don't respond to anything in a positive or negative way and things will eventually go by the wayside.
I would just do the fade on this one. Deleting a 30 year friend on Facebook is a pretty hard move. Not that it would always be unwarranted--sometimes you need a clean break. But in your case it seems like you could just let things slowly die off, don't respond to her posts, and don't check her profile. If she contacts you, just send a quick, "Great to hear from you, sorry I've been so busy," note and nothing more. It's a softer way of doing the same thing.
Yeah I was going to say do the fade.
I found this post interesting as I assumed if people had friendships of that duration (I haven't) that they would just be keepers, but obviously they can end at any time.
This is someone you have a history with and I do think it's important to remain in touch. Besides, you never know, she could start being nice after a while.
People do change all the time. The people we are at 10, 20, 30, 40, & so on, is always going to be different. Ideally, we grow, mature and become better people. Some people take longer than others. Give her some time to change and grow. You don't want to look back in 10 years and wish you had stayed in touch. It's too easy to regret.
Deleting someone from Facebook is a simple and meaningless gesture. If you never chat with her and she doesn't send you the odd "poke" every now and then, it's doubtful that she would even notice.
If you don't consider yourselves to be friends or you aren't interested in rekindling things, simply delete and move on with your life. If she changes, then she can approach you to see if things can restart. Other than that, your life will continue without as hers will without you.
Yeah I was going to say do the fade.
I found this post interesting as I assumed if people had friendships of that duration (I haven't) that they would just be keepers, but obviously they can end at any time.
At this point I consider it that we've been aware of each other's existence for that long but haven't been actual friends, from my POV, in years. We've both changed to the point where we are complete opposites in almost every aspect of life. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind differences whatsoever, it's what makes people interesting, but she uses differences as a platform for some fairly s*itty behavior; again, from my POV.
Examples. Politics....I'm middle of the road and she's conservative. Religion.... she's a born again Christian and I'm spiritual but not religious. Pretty opposite POVs and those topics can make for some interesting conversation, if one was interested and I'm not. Problem is, she won't leave those topics alone. It can be exhausting to talk to her, even "talking" via email.
I just don't want to devote the time or the energy to this draining relationship any longer but also don't want to be mean or cause drama. Ugh.
Deleting someone from Facebook is a simple and meaningless gesture. If you never chat with her and she doesn't send you the odd "poke" every now and then, it's doubtful that she would even notice.
If you don't consider yourselves to be friends or you aren't interested in rekindling things, simply delete and move on with your life. If she changes, then she can approach you to see if things can restart. Other than that, your life will continue without as hers will without you.
Normally I would agree about your Facebook comment but she seems to be hyper-aware of who is on her friends list, even with her having 200+ FB friends. Years ago I had another FB profile I deactivated without making some announcement prior to deactivating. Fairly soon after, a day or so, she emailed me to ask if I had deleted her and has mentioned to me she believes people delete her as a FB friend fairly regularly. For whatever reason she must be sensitive to this kind of thing, if she notices the changing # of friends. Which is part of why I why I don't want to be unnecessarily mean-spirited.
Additionally, if she didn't notice my absence.... the meaningless gesture of deletion would be done for me as opposed to any other reason. I no longer want access to her FB profile so I'm not tempted to look, not even on the very off occasion. I can be kind of compulsive sometimes .
Delete email address and facebook or block everything, takes a few minutes and really should not be that difficult to figure out.
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