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Old 04-15-2014, 12:30 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,195,329 times
Reputation: 32726

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No! No f-ing flowers! Cheese... what would be the point? What would that accomplish? You were both wrong. you buying her off again just tells her she's right, you're wrong.

 
Old 04-15-2014, 12:31 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,195,329 times
Reputation: 32726
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
I really should appreciate what she did for him. He would be the first one to tell you that he had a great childhood and upbringing.
And she should appreciate what you did for both of them. Do you think she does?
 
Old 04-15-2014, 12:40 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
15,479 posts, read 15,639,245 times
Reputation: 28464
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
Yes, I truly meant my apology. Strongly considering buying flowers soon to further prove how sorry I am( even though I've been advised no gifts but I think this is an exception). Also, just because I post on here, that doesn't mean I don't talk to her about it with her first.
There's a difference between a gift because you screwed up and a gift just because she wants something!
 
Old 04-15-2014, 12:42 PM
 
6,497 posts, read 11,822,380 times
Reputation: 11124
People, you're all forgetting he didn't "leave her alone to raise the child". She chose to not go with him when he left for school. It's time for her to be over that. And he needs to remind her of it.
 
Old 04-15-2014, 12:44 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
15,479 posts, read 15,639,245 times
Reputation: 28464
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
I really should appreciate what she did for him. He would be the first one to tell you that he had a great childhood and upbringing.
Without her, he would have in foster care or adopted or living with family.

Neither one of you can change the past, but you BOTH have to get over it and move on with your lives. Have you ever sat down with her and asked her what she wants out of her life? Would she like to take a pottery class, go to community college, something?
 
Old 04-15-2014, 12:46 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
15,479 posts, read 15,639,245 times
Reputation: 28464
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
People, you're all forgetting he didn't "leave her alone to raise the child". She chose to not go with him when he left for school. It's time for her to be over that. And he needs to remind her of it.
They BOTH need to let go of the past! He does NOT need to remind her of the past. They EACH have their own version. We've NEVER heard a word from her. There's always 3 sides to a story - hers, his, and the truth.

Honestly, when you're a college student, you don't have time for a girlfriend/wife and baby. Not if you want to do well at a school like Notre Dame. He didn't go to Billy Bob U and study shoe shining.
 
Old 04-15-2014, 01:14 PM
 
5,413 posts, read 6,711,388 times
Reputation: 9351
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
Yes, I truly meant my apology. Strongly considering buying flowers soon to further prove how sorry I am( even though I've been advised no gifts but I think this is an exception). Also, just because I post on here, that doesn't mean I don't talk to her about it with her first.
Don't buy flowers. It's great you both apologized over the argument....that is a step forward. But why reward her with THINGS when she's as much to blame as you? You'd be reinforcing her ability to guilt you into buying things every time she goads you (and yes, she goaded you, you responded badly though) into an argument.

If she starts a big enough argument will you buy her that condo? That is exactly what she's thinking.

It's much too soon to reward her for acting like a decent human being should.... the mutual apology is a good base. Leave it there.
 
Old 04-15-2014, 01:17 PM
 
5,413 posts, read 6,711,388 times
Reputation: 9351
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
I really should appreciate what she did for him. He would be the first one to tell you that he had a great childhood and upbringing.
And you had nothing to do with that? Yes, you should appreciate her for her part, but not to the point that she can beat you over the head with it 17 (or however many) years later. Most couples move on. Your wife doesn't seen capable of doing that without help.
 
Old 04-15-2014, 01:19 PM
 
5,413 posts, read 6,711,388 times
Reputation: 9351
Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts View Post
There's a difference between a gift because you screwed up and a gift just because she wants something!
Not in this case. Flowers would be a reward for her not letting go of the fact they had a rough start...the same reason she uses to justify things every time she wants something. It's a new tactic of the same story.

So...what is she going to buy or do for Irishfan she's she started the fight?
 
Old 04-15-2014, 01:48 PM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 857,843 times
Reputation: 343
I don't see flowers as " Here's a reward, thanks for the guilt trip" I see them as " Please accept these flowers as a further apology for my being a jerk last night"
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