I don't visit relatives because they always have chores! (mother, girlfriend, spouse)
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See, great example of cultural difference. He offered. He was there to spend time and visit. I would have taken him up on that, grabbed my tools and went with him. We could spend a little time bonding without other people around, and maybe he could teach me a little bit about carpentering.
Nah. He's one of those moody leave-me-alone people when he's busy doing projects. I think he sometimes does it to bang out his frustrations.
See, great example of cultural difference. He offered. He was there to spend time and visit. I would have taken him up on that, grabbed my tools and went with him. We could spend a little time bonding without other people around, and maybe he could teach me a little bit about carpentering.
Yup. When my parents were alive, it wasn't unusual for my dad and my husband to be up on the roof or in the basement trying to figure out why the furnace wasn't running right, or outside checking out the air conditioner, or in the barn, or fixing a fence, or heading off the neighbor's cows that were out. Whatever chores my dad was doing, my husband went along. And when my parents were at our house, if my husband had some work to get done, my dad went along. It was bonding time. We didn't all just sit in a room and talk. Same with me and my mom. If I had things to do, she helped. If I had to deliver work or whatever, she came along. We didn't postpone whatever was going on that day to hang out; we continued on with our regular activities but they were included and vice versa.
My grandparents lived on a farm up until their mid 70's, and I don't remember my dad or anyone else ever doing any big chores around the house or property. Either my grandparents did it themselves, or they were paying someone to take care of anything that needed major maintenance.
After one visit like that, I'd be telling the folks, "Sorry, but I work enough during the week."
Whenever we visited, my MIL kept her son (only child) busy doing chores around her home. It was a very tiring visit for him. He didn't appreciate it, but would never refuse. She could have hired it done, but probably didn't consider it. She or my parents would keep our 2 children and I would go visit friends.
Umm . . . buddy, I don't know what you've rationalized, but let's face it -- you are NEVER going to marry this girl. You will always find a reason why marriage isn't a good idea "now". Either it's her parents, her spending, etc. I somehow strongly doubt that she wants to be the one you "settled" for just because there was nothing better, because you, sir, are still looking for something better. At this point, you have been together so long that you "feel" married, but let's face it: You aren't. You know the door's cracked, and you have a couple of toes wriggling on the other side. I doubt you ever WILL marry this girl. You're still hoping there's someone else out there. It doesn't mean that she's not a lovely, caring person. But it sure doesn't sound like she's the one that makes your heart sing.
I don't know, dblackga, it sounds like a good business arrangement. He values women only for their looks (going off past posts). She, according to him, values him for his money. Maybe it's the best arrangement these two can do. Love doesn't seem to be part of the deal.
I had to scratch my head over this thread. If the girlfriend's parents are perfectly able healthwise and financially to manage themselves then there is no reason for this nonsense during every visit. I would NEVER consider doing such a thing; in fact, when my brothers were visiting me last year, one of them offered to rebuild a section of our fence that's been falling down and I said NO. It was an opportunity lost because he's a good carpenter. But he wasn't here to hammer nails.
True. Visiting relatives is supposed to be a social call. And gracious hosts don't require their guests to work in order to earn their meals. I could see asking for help in a pinch, but not a full day's labor every single time. But the OP seems to make decent money. He can call around and hire whatever help they need, and pay for it himself. I'd be interested to see how that gesture goes over with his so-called hosts.
Yup. When my parents were alive, it wasn't unusual for my dad and my husband to be up on the roof or in the basement trying to figure out why the furnace wasn't running right, or outside checking out the air conditioner, or in the barn, or fixing a fence, or heading off the neighbor's cows that were out. Whatever chores my dad was doing, my husband went along. And when my parents were at our house, if my husband had some work to get done, my dad went along. It was bonding time. We didn't all just sit in a room and talk. Same with me and my mom. If I had things to do, she helped. If I had to deliver work or whatever, she came along. We didn't postpone whatever was going on that day to hang out; we continued on with our regular activities but they were included and vice versa.
In what ways do you compromise? You said you feel you may do it too much? Have you talked to your girlfriend about feeling this way?
Could you ask your girlfriend to talk to her parents about having to do so many chores? I think it is one thing to help once an awhile but another if it is expected weekly. Possibly you could help them find a handyperson that is affordable near where they live.
Why SHOULDNT you help out? Isnt that what family is for?
Oh, I'm sure you do massive amounts of chores whenever you visit your relatives?
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