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Please help and tell me should I do or what shouldn't I do?
The sad part is her mother is totally cool about her having this baby while knowing what kind of guy my friends boyfriend is. It's sad the single most important person who is suppose to be looking out for her is allowing her to make such a big mistake. Also, if my friend has this baby, she doesn't have the means to take care of it... So...
What "shouldn't" you do? You "shouldn't" get too worked up about it.
As a man, I'd sooner be dipped in honey and dropped on an anthill than "have a baby" with some woman I had marginal feelings for, much less treated poorly. (Or under any circumstances, given what a mushroom cloud children are to anything related to a self-fulfilling life for a free and independent spirit.) That wasn't exactly OP's question, but more from the other side of the issue. Mr. Bad News Boyfriend should have had a vasectomy at 19, most likely.
But be that as it may, the friend has obviously decided that's what's going to happen. "Can't support it" or "___ty life" are not intelligent outcomes to the behavior, the behavior that pretty obviously led right to the the outcome. Right? That's ghetto drama, in-fact. The numbers around single motherhood and poverty speak louder than any mere opinion, anyway.
Would agree with others that any "close friend" I haven't seen in two years is nothing of the sort. That's a "close-enemy," at-worst, "nodding acquaintance" at-best. One of my three good friends lives about a thousand miles to the south, and I tend to pop in about every other year and email every couple weeks, but that's us (guys) and how we roll. Our lives moved on, and our relationship with it, some years ago. We are hardly "close" but will always be "friendly and trusting." If he wants specific business or personal council, he asks (in writing, or calls). I do-same in return. Day-to-day, we run our own relationships with others.
Send a present to the baby shower or whatever, and a nice card wishing them all well. Not your concern much beyond that. It's been my experience people are going to do whatever they want, regardless. Much like failing to prepare for retirement, having unwanted children is actually just poor life-planning given there are numerous choices and alternatives available.
Don't worry the Goverment helps out singles mothers, some time young women do it on purpose to get on purpose to have kid and help out by gov and hides reporting the guy to child support
Walk a mile, muzic. The Gov't didn't help out this single mother worth a flip. But that's okay. I worked 3 jobs and supported 2 kids and a large dog (security), living in an efficiency and it got better from there. No child support. Nada.
The kiddo would be better off with a mommy who wants it.
She needs to talk matters over with a decent counselor, someone who can help her figure out where to go from here.
She has a number of options. Abortion, adoption, a lifetime of nonsense...
One option is to keep the baby and use motherhood as a motivator for getting her shi## together.
I've known a number of women who have made some great decisions about their future once they realized they would be responsible for a child. Several decided on a nursing career and that has worked out well for them.
As others have noted, she will be eligible for up to 5 years of government assistance in getting started on a career. Most states start sanctioning women off benefits within a year or two if they are not making progress. Getting underway sooner rather than later is the smart move.
Some women love floundering around in the drama. Typically, these are women who sleep with POS men. This may be what your friend decides to do. Or she could decide to get her ducks in a row.
Whatever, you can always listen sympathetically to her troubles.
Right now there is nothing you CAN do except to go through all her options with her and make sure she has considered them all. These would include - but in no ways be limited to - adoption - abortion - career changes and/or re-education - various levels of discussion with the father - exploration of support structures in her political area such as donations - grants - support - information - community schemes for single mothers - load sharing with other single parents and much more.
Ensure she is as aware of every option available to her as possible and has considered the implications and meanings of them all and how to obtain them. Help by doing the research into options she might know little about and get that information to her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610
I find it very odd that you have not seen your best friend who is like a sister to you in 2 years.
Your surprise is unwarranted. Due to the way the modern world works people can get seperated for extremely long periods of time regardless of their emotional connections. I myself have "lost" many friends who are almost family to me to Australia and my ability to see them in person is beyond rare.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610
Stay out of her life and do not suggest anything, her choice to have this guy as a boyfriend, her choice to get pregnant, her choice to keep the baby or not.
Most of your sentence is correct except for the first part. These ARE her choices at the end of the day - and she has to make them - but that does not in any way mean her friends can not make suggestions to her. Telling her what to do is not being a good friend. Suggesting things she CAN do and ensuring she has all the information and is aware of all the options open to her however - is all good stuff!
She needs to talk matters over with a decent counselor, someone who can help her figure out where to go from here.
She has a number of options. Abortion, adoption, a lifetime of nonsense...
One option is to keep the baby and use motherhood as a motivator for getting her shi## together.
I've known a number of women who have made some great decisions about their future once they realized they would be responsible for a child. Several decided on a nursing career and that has worked out well for them.
I do agree with this person. She should talk with a professional so that counselor can get all of the details.. a half hour phone call while angry bad mouthing her S/O doesn't mean he is a POS.. he very well could be.. but i have also been angry/upset at something my S/O has done or said.. I've called my mom and sister to vent. Does this mean he's a bad person? No not at all! He is honestly a great guy and absolutely adores me.. it's just in the heat of the moment I have vented to someone.. I"m sure at first they had opinions about him.. but they see how he truly is around me and how he genuinely cares and understands hes not a bad person.. im just a little crazy. almost three years later and a wedding to plan we are doing fine!
I would suggest to your friend to see a therapist and talk things over with a professional. Many single mothers have turned their hectic, teenage years around 180 degrees when finding out that they have a life to raise. Offer emotional support and advice. That is honesty all you can do. It's her decision in the end.
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