Manipulative MIL

[brokensky]

My mother wanted the same sort of thing for "her" 50th Anniversary. We had group photos taken at the celebration event.

Simply refuse to be part of it. Stand up for what you feel comfortable with doing and announce that to everyone involved.

People don't always get what they want, the way they want it. So what if you don't participate? Any comments that are made - counter with something like - "I am not comfortable with that."

Nothing is worse than having to pay a high price tag to be involved in something you don't want to do, feel pressured to do, or find inappropriate.

If you decide to tell everyone your family will be making arrangements for your own photos, thank you very much, that still doesn't mean you have to set up a photography session and somehow work your grandchildren into the photos. Stick some photos in an album - get as elaborate or do it as simply as YOU WANT - and to heck with it.

I am just too old to be getting sucked into family drama over someone else's big ideas of how I should spend my money to make THEIR photo session cheaper (and that is what this is all about - cause part of the cost will be an engagement fee. You can bet the person with the grand idea is planning on also having separate photos of his/her own family made and with others paying/splitting the engagement fee - that means a bargain for their family photos, lol).

I doubt this is nearly the issue for your father-in-law that you may have been led to think it is. People who manipulate others into doing what they want them to do use all sorts of ammunition to coerce others into agreeing to their terms. I have a feeling any statements about "FIL will be sooo disappointed" etc are being greatly exaggerated.

[katestar]

What does your husband want to do? I would oblige to what he wants. Therefore, if he is for one of your ideas, he will back you up when MIL makes a fuss. If he wants to do what MIL in wants, then I would do that. At this point there's no compromising.

[MissTerri]

I would probably just go ahead and do the photo and in private roll my eyes and vent about it to someone and then let it go. She is being controlling but you won't be able to change that about her.