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My husband and I recently moved, and his entire family (including a 3 year old baby) came up to help us move, celebrate Thanksgiving and navigate Black Friday madness to furnish the place.
I really do love his family, and I'm VERY grateful for how they've helped us when they could've stayed home and enjoyed a real Thanksgiving.
Which is why I feel like a complete asshoIe about this issue -- I get exhausted from being "on" for days on end, 24/7.
It's been 3 days now. For the first 2 days, I was able to turn on the charm 100%, and be all smiles and make them feel good.
But now, after days of us being together 24/7, sleeping in our small 1br/1ba with 7 people, and driving myself insane constantly trying to clean up the insane messes they make (our carpet is already ruined after only one day living there!!), and accommodating a really demanding/hyperactive 3yo baby, I'm seriously wiped. All this on top of dealing with moving and Thanksgiving at the same time.
There's literally no room in the living room for me to sit, because we have no chairs or sofa (husband doesn't think they're important), and everyone's clutter is just carelessly scattered everywhere....it looks like an episode of Hoarders! !!!
So I'm lounging in our bedroom, because it's the only clean, peaceful room. And I get some alone time.
But my husband thinks I'm being antisocial, and everyone expects me to socialize nonstop. Even when I try to be "on", it isn't very convincing.
Again, I don't want to come off ungrateful, but that's exactly why I want to figure out how to increase my social stamina so I can be a good host for the next few days.
Maybe it's because I'm not used to typical families. I came from a really small, introverted family, where everyone just did their own thing.
OP, be aware that this is an extreme situation you've been through. ANYONE would be drained after living crammed with 7 people in a 1-br. apt, dealing with holiday preparations for everyone (even if some of them pitched in), crushing through the hordes to get some holiday bargain furniture, and furnishing a place, all in the wake of a major relocation!
A good doctor would tell you that moves are very stressful, all by themselves. Changing jobs with a relocation also is stressful. Add to that the pressure of holiday preparations, at a time when you should be taking some down time to recover from the move, and throw into the mix furniture shopping in the midst of a holiday stampede?
It's not realistic to expect anyone to weather this easily. Please take some time off, now that you've had some help unpacking and furnishing. Get a massage. You'll be surprised how much that helps. It takes pressure off your body's stress reserves. You'll thank me afterwards. And just take a couple of days to recharge your batteries. Take long soaks in your tub at the end of the day, and maybe play some calming or inspiring music. Be good to yourself. You're only human.
It sounds to me like you and your husband need to communicate better. I get the impression that his expectations are not the same as yours, and some of his expectations come across as being inconsiderate of your feelings. It seems like you guys are newlyweds. Whether you are or not, you need to let him know if his expectations are unrealistic. He doesn't sound very practical if he thought that 7 people spending several days in a 1-bedroom apartment was a good idea. His family members who apparently had no problem staying crammed with so many others in such a small space don't come across as practical (or considerate) either.
Please save yourself from future aggravation and arguments by letting your husband know in advance if a family visit will be too much for you to deal with in terms of time and/or space. As many people have said, this sounds like an insanely stressful way to deal with moving and a holiday. I would have spent the money on movers, even if I had to starve for a day or two, just to not deal with such a stressful mess! Do yourself a favor and make sure you don't end up in this type of situation again. If your husband doesn't understand then he is not reasonable.
Husband also sounds cheap. In order to save a grand total of $59, they had the family do this move with rental car or cars rather than just have movers do it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pansori
I have never heard of a Catholic who feels like drinking would be amoral... unless you are implying that they will drink it all... in that case, I totally understand, lol.
I haven't either. And coming from an Irish Catholic family I really haven't....LOL.
Besides they can't be that conservative, the sister isn't married and has a 3 year old that per the OP runs amok in both private and public places, and none of them say or do anything about it. Sorry, that doesn't fly with conservative people for the most part.
My husband and I recently moved, and his entire family (including a 3 year old baby) came up to help us move, celebrate Thanksgiving and navigate Black Friday madness to furnish the place.
I really do love his family, and I'm VERY grateful for how they've helped us when they could've stayed home and enjoyed a real Thanksgiving.
Which is why I feel like a complete asshoIe about this issue -- I get exhausted from being "on" for days on end, 24/7.
It's been 3 days now. For the first 2 days, I was able to turn on the charm 100%, and be all smiles and make them feel good.
But now, after days of us being together 24/7, sleeping in our small 1br/1ba with 7 people, and driving myself insane constantly trying to clean up the insane messes they make (our carpet is already ruined after only one day living there!!), and accommodating a really demanding/hyperactive 3yo baby, I'm seriously wiped. All this on top of dealing with moving and Thanksgiving at the same time.
There's literally no room in the living room for me to sit, because we have no chairs or sofa (husband doesn't think they're important), and everyone's clutter is just carelessly scattered everywhere....it looks like an episode of Hoarders! !!!
So I'm lounging in our bedroom, because it's the only clean, peaceful room. And I get some alone time.
But my husband thinks I'm being antisocial, and everyone expects me to socialize nonstop. Even when I try to be "on", it isn't very convincing.
Again, I don't want to come off ungrateful, but that's exactly why I want to figure out how to increase my social stamina so I can be a good host for the next few days.
Maybe it's because I'm not used to typical families. I came from a really small, introverted family, where everyone just did their own thing.
These are red flags (bolded). It's not normal to feel that living room furniture isn't important. There's something wrong with that picture.
Also, your husband should be understanding of your limits, and should back you up and support you in the face of any family pressure to be sociable after you've already put forward a valiant effort for as long as you're able. This is not a guy who has your back. Whether that bodes ill for the future is impossible to say, but you'll need to sit him down and explain how you ran out of steam at a certain point, and tell him point blank that you need him to be sympathetic to your limitations, and that you need him to explain to his family when the occasion arises that you need some down time. You can explain this in a nice way, like you're asking for help. This is information he needs to have for the future, in order to be a good, supportive spouse. If he for some reason sees that as a problem, then you have bigger issues in your marriage.
It's his sister's son (the father's not in the picture), and she's there. But no one in that family ever tells him no, they let him run the show, and absolutely everything revolves around him. They even let him scream and run amok in nice restaurants, even disturbing other patrons. If anyone (like teachers or other diners) makes a less than positive comment on his behavior, they get really defensive.
If this child ever comes into your home again, you'll have to gently explain that there are rules in your house, and explain to him what they are. If he ignores you, be firm. If everyone else thinks you're the bad guy, too bad. It's your house (and your sanity!), so you get to set the rules. If your husband doesn't approve of that, you have a problem with your marriage. But little kids need boundaries. It's doing that child a huge disservice in letting him run amok.
I'll be honest....drinks would be nice! Unfortunately his family is comprised of conservative Mormons and Catholics, so I have to sneak around with the booze lol.
I could see this if you were saying this if you were staying in their home out of respect for them. But, it's your home, which I think is the key. Not that I'm saying drinking is the way to solve problems, but I think the fact that you should feel comfortable in your own home is the key.
I could see this if you were saying this if you were staying in their home out of respect for them. But, it's your home, which I think is the key. Not that I'm saying drinking is the way to solve problems, but I think the fact that you should feel comfortable in your own home is the key.
This is true. OP, there's no point in pretending you don't drink. Your relatives should know you and accept you as you are, especially in your own home. Sneaking around is silly, and it's dishonest.
when that whole crew goes home tell your husband never again and if he has a problem with it he had better go find them because he needs to go back home with them . As I saw in a movie one time the mother was telling the daughter concerning her husband " the woman is the neck and the man is the head , the neck controls the head , the head cant move without the neck " in other words you are what makes your house and your husband work . From now on you tell them no more holidays etc with them if they want to do holidays etc they can do that at their house .
Yep, divorce your husband for having family members over for an extended stay. Unbelievable but consistent theme I must admit.
If something were to happen to either of you, chances are these same people, who now consider you family, won't hesitate to put their lives on hold to offer help....you know, do things family do for their loved ones. Suck it up and entertain your family for goodness sakes. If this is your main problem, then count your blessings.
I have never heard of a Catholic who feels like drinking would be amoral... unless you are implying that they will drink it all... in that case, I totally understand, lol.
Catholics like to party!
Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61
when that whole crew goes home tell your husband never again and if he has a problem with it he had better go find them because he needs to go back home with them . As I saw in a movie one time the mother was telling the daughter concerning her husband " the woman is the neck and the man is the head , the neck controls the head , the head cant move without the neck " in other words you are what makes your house and your husband work . From now on you tell them no more holidays etc with them if they want to do holidays etc they can do that at their house .
My Big Fat Greek Wedding! Great movie....lots of truth to that quote.
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