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Once you get over age 28-29... making trustworthy friends is harder than dating. There are plenty of people looking for a relationship partner (not necessarily ones that I want to reciprocate that with but that's another story).
Actually that's the thing! It's true, but you can take advantage of that if you're single and trying to make new friends, especially in a new city.
You can meet "potential" relationship partners a lot more easily (online dating if you don't have a place to start looking). You start dating the ones you actually like, even if you know you're not going to marry him/her. Dating opens your network circle to a whole new set of people you wouldn't have met otherwise.
If your relationship doesn't work, you're still left with the friends you've met. They may not be best friends with you, but if you have a starting point, your network of acquaintances (a few of which can become your friends) tends to grow exponentially - friends introduce you to new friends.
I have a lot of friends that were originally friends with ex-boyfriends and I've met some friends through these people too. Not that I would start dating new guys just for the sake of making friends, but you get the point, everyone (at least most people) that are single in their 30s and 40s wish to meet a new partner, so it's something you will do at some point anyway.
After college most people get married and start building a family, so making friends is less of a priority (if one at all), that's why Meet Up and things like that don't work most of the time, because the people that are going to these event are not there to make new friends, and usually already go "partnered" with their besties.
Another idea is taking classes at local community colleges or at continuing education at larger institutions. School is the place where people meet most of their true friends. It's a place where you have a chance to get to know people in a low pressure environment before you decide if they are friend material or not. You don't need to get a degree or anything, just attend classes in most places. Continuing education courses will give you the opportunity to meet "high quality" people, since these will be working professionals with at least a college degree.
The other thing I'm realizing is true for me, and I suspect many others, is that once you have a family - it really puts a crimp in how much time you have to get out and mingle with people who might become potential new friends.
For example? Just last weekend, my wife took one of our kids to a birthday party, and then did some grocery shopping after it was over. Meanwhile, our other kid wanted to stay home and play some new video games he just got as gifts from his grandpa. I wound up staying home with him, so he wouldn't get left at home by himself all afternoon. Fine, except it was the only bright, sunny day we've had for a while and I feel like I utterly wasted it, sitting in the house.
If I was single, or even if it was just the two of us as a couple with no kids -- I'm sure we would have found something interesting to do and gone out someplace instead.
Families and kids are great ... don't get me wrong. But I'm just saying, it adds a whole new layer of complexity trying to find time on a calendar to get out and socialize. That's one reason single people tend to shun married folks, IMO. The two lifestyles tend to be pretty incompatible with each other. I don't think it's because "married people aren't interested in making new friends".
I have lots of friends. Never knew it was that hard to meet people. Don't you talk to people when you go out?
First off, let's make sure we're on the same page... If someone goes out and talks to random people in a supermarket, gym, whatever, and knows their name, and some other extras (place of residence, job, some likes, etc.), but nothing more than that... that's more of an acquaintance. To me, a "friend" would be someone you hang out via appointments, dates, or other activities. Running into people doesn't quite cut it IMO. Furthermore, when you're in the "friend zone", they should be doing you favors (letting you borrow small change, advice on purchases, small IT help, dropping off some things to you). Most importantly, you should be doing them favors and helping them out in the same way in return. I've met people on MU who were wonderful to be around, but when I moved out of the area, I never heard from them again. I do acknowledge that some folks want to keep it simple, or prefer to avoid phone/online conversations, but I was hoping for more than that.
Many of us can talk to people they run into at work, and various other public places, but establishing more trust and loyalty is the issue many who start these threads have.
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Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
The same way you meet potential dates; you join organizations, volunteer for projects, go to meetups and hobby groups.
Good approach, but if folks are asking online in such a manner, they'll probably need more details (otherwise, we would've already known and not have to have asked in the first place).
If someone comes to C-D forums and asks "how do I get a professional job?". You can respond by saying "send resumes, cover letters, and look online". They'll need more details than that.
Same here, I've noticed how alot of my circle of friends have just drifted away and some i've kicked to the curb (druggies, alcoholics, bums etc.) Now that i'm in my late 20s i've really found it difficult to make friends - its almost as if everyone i meet has that "no new friends" mentality. I'm generally a nice person and like having fun yet it seems that most of the time whenever i DO meet someone new that's friendly and i feel we can be friends - they're usually stoners.
Don't get me wrong i have nothing against people who smoke MJ but if you're going to do it, Atleast manage it to where you're productive and NOT a couch potatoe 24/7. However its been nearly impossible for me to find nice fun/goal-oriented people to hang out with.
First off, let's make sure we're on the same page... If someone goes out and talks to random people in a supermarket, gym, whatever, and knows their name, and some other extras (place of residence, job, some likes, etc.), but nothing more than that... that's more of an acquaintance. To me, a "friend" would be someone you hang out via appointments, dates, or other activities. Running into people doesn't quite cut it IMO. Furthermore, when you're in the "friend zone", they should be doing you favors (letting you borrow small change, advice on purchases, small IT help, dropping off some things to you). Most importantly, you should be doing them favors and helping them out in the same way in return. I've met people on MU who were wonderful to be around, but when I moved out of the area, I never heard from them again. I do acknowledge that some folks want to keep it simple, or prefer to avoid phone/online conversations, but I was hoping for more than that.
Many of us can talk to people they run into at work, and various other public places, but establishing more trust and loyalty is the issue many who start these threads have.
Good approach, but if folks are asking online in such a manner, they'll probably need more details (otherwise, we would've already known and not have to have asked in the first place).
If someone comes to C-D forums and asks "how do I get a professional job?". You can respond by saying "send resumes, cover letters, and look online". They'll need more details than that.
Excellent comments. People who say they make new friends every week don't know the difference between an acquaintance and friendship.
I would say the same thing about many Meet Up groups, it's fine for people who are just looking to go to an event or do an activity with other people, but don't expect to form long lasting friendships. It might be different if you're in a small town but if you're in more urban area, you could go to the same Meetup Group which has hundreds of members and it could be 20 different people every time.
I think you're better off joining a smaller group that has core members and the same people show up each time. But again it takes time for real friendships to form.
Also as we get older, we have less tolerance for BS and see through people quicker than when we're younger.
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