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It seems difficult. People are already satisfied with their current circle of friends once you're in your 30s.
I literally have zero friends.
OMG me too. I have people at work I go to lunch with, "hang out" at work with, etc but sometimes I want to go out and do stuff with someone else. I do a lot of "out and about" activities alone. I think i've had the best hang out friends in my teens, after that not so much.
I do belong to a gym though (that I need to start going back to LOL) and that was a pretty good place to meet people. Maybe you could try something like that OP. There are also have running clubs (I did a 12 week training session for $65). The group met Tue/Thu after work and Saturday morning. Some of the running clubs meet up after their runs at a nice bar and grill, so everyone is heading there as a group.
I know I have to get off my azz and make an effort. It's really easy to go straight home, chill and zone out in front of Netflix but i'm sure not meeting anybody that way
I also don't want to go the online route, what with all the catfishing out there.
If that's actually true, it's no wonder you can't meet people. Going to places where we will have social interactions is how all of us meet people when we are adults.
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Originally Posted by Fletchman
I've kinda found it difficult to meet people my age (20-30) as well. I am in a couple of organizations such as a car club and a professional organization and it is still difficult. Most of the members are much older.
Seems that most 20 somethings are very involved with their job, relationship or family responsibilities.
I've thought about going to the Unitarian Universalist church just because there seems to be a fairly young crowd there. But I'm not very religious. LOL.
You don't have to be "religious" to belong to a UU church. I often attended one when I lived in Pittsburgh. The head minister there once told me he wasn't even sure God existed. He just chose to "act as if" because he believed it gave people hope and he thought a church environment was a good community for people. No one at UU ever tried to get me to "believe" anything. They just invited me to participate in their friendly community of people who were exploring spiritual and social issues and helping each other out with life problems.
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Originally Posted by John13
Agreed. Many people are not cut out for that stuff.
I went to a meetup once and I was very uncomfortable. Everyone (or almost everyone) there was coupled up. That was 5 years ago and I never went again.
I haven't made a new real life friend in 22 years and I highly doubt it will happen again. If you work that may be your best bet but even that won't be easy. If you are an introvert and haven't made friends by the time you hit your 40s I'm afraid you are doomed.
Like one of the other people here noted, I'd be in a pretty sad space if that were true, given I've moved around to five different states in my adult life. One "uncomfortable" meet-up group and you give up?! It's no wonder you are isolated. There are hundreds of meet-up groups in every possible category. Join one that has a SUBJECT that interests you. Or where the group does things together. If you feel uncomfortable going to a movie with people and then participating in a discussion group afterwards ... or taking a hike with people you don't know ... or going to a wine tasting ... or learning how to take better photographs ... your social skills are in need of help. Honestly, a few sessions with a therapist could help you a lot. Isolation leads to depression.
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Originally Posted by nikitakolata
I tried meetup and I found it awkward as well. I think an activity that interests you is much easier/better. Then you have some to keep your hands/feet busy and a common interest. For me, at least, that's a lot easier. There's usually at least one person in the group that is talkative and wanting to meet people so then all you really have to do is be receptive.
Most groups that list in Meetup.com ARE activity groups rather than mere attempts to get like-people to mingle. In my area there are meetups for bicyclists, hikers, motorcycle riders, golfers, joggers, writers, readers, theater enthusiasts, real estate investors, market traders, psychics, dancers, scuba divers, photographers, bloggers, atheists, vegans, board game players, artists, foreign language speakers, pregnant women, parents, dog lovers, survivalists, sushi lovers, people who like to cook, people who like to eat in restaurants with others, people who like to drink but not alone, people who don't like to attend live music events alone, people who are deaf, people who are dying, people of every imaginable political stripe, people who play the ukulele (I'm not making that up). There's also a group of more than 500 members who consider themselves to be shamans. There's a group called "Gangsta Yoga." Now if someone can't find an interest on that long list, they aren't trying very hard to be sociable.
Nikita is right. It is much easier to be with strangers if you all share common interests, common goals, common outlooks. Those are the people you will WANT to be friends with. When we are young, we tend to be friends with people we are thrown together with by circumstance. We didn't ask to go to high school with the people in our class. Most of us got our college roommates because we were assigned to them. Many of us work with people we have little in common with. In adulthood, we can choose our friends, we don't have to friendly only with people we are put together with through happenstance.
And don't use the "I'm single so I'm lonely" excuse. In fact, there are more single people in the U.S. today than married couples. Look it up. Or if you're married and your spouse is a lousy companion, do something by yourself.
If nothing else, join a group that involves physical activity at a level you are comfortable with. Learn yoga, play tennis, start weight lifting, get a bike, walk with a group, take your dog to a dog park. If you aren't in any condition to do physical exercise because you are too overweight (which many emotionally isolated people are) join Overeaters Anonymous or Weight Watchers. It's easy to make friends in those groups and they exist from coast to coast.
Last edited by Jukesgrrl; 12-04-2014 at 02:46 PM..
Reason: format
I have lots of friends. Never knew it was that hard to meet people. Don't you talk to people when you go out?
Believe me, I talk to people, but that mostly never seems to go beyond being acquaintances. That's one of the reasons I joined a fraternity last semester, and don't regret it one bit. The guys in it are very cool, and always invite each other out to do stuff.
Try going to the local Friday night hangout spots. They are typically some local restaurant that has a bar and is busy as hell on Friday nights. Consume a few glasses of liquid courage and then start shooting the BS with anybody and everybody. After a couple of months, you will know every regular in the place and most of their friends.
Like one of the other people here noted, I'd be in a pretty sad space if that were true, given I've moved around to five different states in my adult life. One "uncomfortable" meet-up group and you give up?! It's no wonder you are isolated. There are hundreds of meet-up groups in every possible category. Join one that has a SUBJECT that interests you. Or where the group does things together. If you feel uncomfortable going to a movie with people and then participating in a discussion group afterwards ... or taking a hike with people you don't know ... or going to a wine tasting ... or learning how to take better photographs ... your social skills are in need of help. Honestly, a few sessions with a therapist could help you a lot. Isolation leads to depression.
The one I went to did interest me. As I said there was a lot of people there but everyone (or close) had a partner except me. I spent a few hours one day looking at the meetups and the ones I was interested in were not well attended.
I don't enjoy going to movies or drinking alcohol so my social skills are in need of help? There is nothing wrong with my social skills. You are assuming way too much about me and little of it is true.
It's different for you because you cannot relate to what it is like to being introverted.
Too late on the depression. I'm probably already there. That's the one thing you may be correct on. I was laid off recently and can't find a gainful employment job. I live alone and currently have zero people contact, except a trip to the store. I have no health insurance so even a regular doctors visit will have to be weighed carefully.
It seems difficult. People are already satisfied with their current circle of friends once you're in your 30s.
I literally have zero friends.
Not anymore, I'll be your friend if you like.
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