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I knew someone was going to try to guilt trip me with the "you'll miss her when she is gone" line. I think that I should have a right to expect her to understand the fact that I don't want to spend very rare time off in somewhere even she hates. I already had one parent who often thought it took too much effort to travel a few hours to see me. He's dead and he missed out on a lot of my life by his choice.
Don't get me wrong, I'd love to spend Christmas with my mother, but I want some effort out of her.
Just act accordingly, let her know you will miss her.
Yet you will be there when she is able to visit.
I see no predicament here, so no real legitimate excuse for her, so I wouldn't create one. Or feed into it
I knew someone was going to try to guilt trip me with the "you'll miss her when she is gone" line. I think that I should have a right to expect her to understand the fact that I don't want to spend very rare time off in somewhere even she hates. I already had one parent who often thought it took too much effort to travel a few hours to see me. He's dead and he missed out on a lot of my life by his choice.
Don't get me wrong, I'd love to spend Christmas with my mother, but I want some effort out of her.
You are right in this matter. Your gut feeling is spot on. You are right to expect your mother to put forth effort and to do what she says she's going to do. She's not some frail invalid with blue hair sitting all alone every day pining for her baby to come see her. She's a healthy, active, middle aged career woman.
You are right in this matter. Your gut feeling is spot on. You are right to expect your mother to put forth effort and to do what she says she's going to do. She's not some frail invalid with blue hair sitting all alone every day pining for her baby to come see her. She's a healthy, active, middle aged career woman.
I think you should go visit her even though she promised she would visit you the next time. She's not that old at all, but maybe the prospect of taking a plane, etc. sounds exhausting to her, maybe it is too expensive. I don't think Wash D. C. is that much fun, especially during the winter, although in the summertime there's a lot of things to see and do. She just wants to spend some time with you. It's Christmas.
She is a working woman who leads an active life and from what I recall, goes to the gym regularly and has a circle of friends. She hardly sounds frail and decrepit or unable to travel as she pleases. And as a woman in my fifties, I'd hardly call early 60s as she's playing them out "elderly."
I would make the decision based on a number of things: Your mother's age and the level of difficulty for her to travel. Her financial ability to travel, her reason for changing her mind. When you next plan to see each other. Whether she has anyone to spend the holiday with and whether she goes back on her word often IOW is this manipulative?
We don't have a lot of information here to help you much. Personally, I'd be tempted to stay in DC if only that traveling 700 miles for 2 days is a fairly expensive proposition if you aren't going too enjoy it.
Edited to add: Louisville? It's not that bad. I expected some rusted and gutted out steel town. Still pretty expensive for two days.
My mother didn't visit me unless I went to her house and got her. She didn't feel comfortable, had never driven long distances and was terrified of flying. Older people who don't travel often feel intimidated by the whole process.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Well...thankfully the whole thing was a ruse. She came into DC Christmas week like she promised and we had a nice visit.
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